This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Friday, January 04, 2008

A Few More TITs

I just realised, it is some time since I last got my TITs out. Those of you new to my Terrific Investigating Techniques may care to look back at my advice on How to Attend Crime Scenes, and How to Manage Your Investigations.

For today, I thought it might be festive to describe how police in Blandshire deal with Public Order. This is not a new subject to my blog, and has risen in profile considerably since the advent of Penalty Notices for Disorder. A PND is an £80 ticket given out for Public Order offences (also low value shoplifting or criminal damage), and it counts as a Detection against violent crime, which is a "HOT TOPIC". It is basically part of the government's drive to bypass the need for police stations, courts, or anything else that costs money and scares people.


The important thing about the ticket is that it can only be given for Section 5 Public Order (that is, s.5 POA 1986). This is the most basic of public order offences and applies to anyone swearing, shouting or generally upsetting people. It may surprise you to discover that, sometimes, people in Blandmore do MORE than just upset others and actually go around pushing, punching, fighting and causing disorder in groups. All of these are different offences which cannot be dealt with "on the street" with a ticket, and require the use of police stations, courts and lots of things that cost money.

It is therefore a tricky task to stick to the government's policy of bypassing the above. But do not panic, just stick to my TIT and you will be fine:

  • The first thing is that on attending a report of public disorder, your safety and the safety of the public are not nearly as important as considering the detection. The need to give out a penalty notice should therefore drive all your actions.
  • First, keep your ears peeled for any swearwords. If you detect one, regardless of how and why it was uttered, slap the offender with a ticket.
  • Secondly, do not arrest anyone, no matter how bad their behaviour. If you make arrests, you will be back at the police station with hours of ticket-giving time wasted.
  • If you are FORCED to make an arrest due to peer/crowd pressure, make sure you arrest for s.5 Public Order no matter what the person has done (this can cover drunk and disorderly, s.4 Public Order and minor assaults). Then, take the prisoner around the corner. There you can issue the PND and de-arrest him/her without anyone knowing.
  • If the offender is under 18, most forces will not issue a ticket on the street. Do not fear, just fill in the date of birth incorrectly. Or do it right and hope the bean counters don't notice (they won't, because it's an extra bean).
  • If the worst comes to the worst and you have not arrested for s.5 Public Order, there are still some remedies you can take. For example, en route to custody you could reconsider the offence you have arrested for and decide that s.5 is the more appropriate one to tell the sergeant. Or, having presented the prisoner for Affray or ABH, the wisdom of the custody sergeant may help you realise it was actually only a s.5 after all. If you end up interviewing, the offender's account can sometimes bring things into focus, so that you realise his/her behaviour wasn't as bad as you first thought. Before releasing the prisoner from custody, you will get to issue your PND.

This guide may be too late for some of you, but I am sure it will still apply next year, and for many years to come...

---------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Jason Borne said...

The more I see of your TIT's the happier and more enlightened I become. I will be happily using them as soon as I can.

You smutty lot, I mean in a investagative sense!

Oops now that sounds bad too!

How can you comment on this subject without getting sucked in to inuendo....damn

I give up!

Love your TITs by the way!

04 January, 2008 10:31

 
Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

This is easy pickings in Ruraltown Estate, where they can't string a sentence together without at least every second word being a swear-word.

04 January, 2008 11:55

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

policing is now beyond parody.
cheers bloggsy, you've depressed me even further.
i'm off to the pub.

04 January, 2008 14:13

 
Blogger totallyun-pc said...

That really is a TIT of great quality... Do you have another one to match it?

04 January, 2008 15:04

 
Anonymous pcR said...

I know your tits have their knockers, but they are a great aid to those with a poor mammary. No need to rack your brains when you are busting someone or udder

Can you see what I did there?
Tits! Brilliant!

04 January, 2008 16:38

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You jammy sods, over in Belfast there is no such offence as swearing at an officer or anyone else(sec,5). There are no £80 fixed penalty notices for anything. If that sec 5 and the ticket were introduced bic pens PLC could not keep up with the demand for supply to the police such are the delightful patrons we have here.

04 January, 2008 18:50

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another superb and very topical post :]

05 January, 2008 00:24

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TUNPC:

The answer to your quesion is : "yes".

You.

05 January, 2008 19:56

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about my "manboobs"...

(1) Manage the incident - ensure no supervision attending
(2) Assess the incident/offences
(3) Note down details/evidence etc in pnb.
(4) Balance things out - is it that serious an offence?
(5) Observe offenders reactions
(6) Objectively consider if fpn applicable - if not...
(7) Bypass the custody office
(8) Summons the offender

05 January, 2008 21:20

 
Blogger staghounds said...

It seems to me that policing is beside parody rather than beyond it. So much so that they merge at times.

07 January, 2008 01:34

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I see you TITs some other time? :D

09 January, 2008 20:38

 
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