This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2008: The Prophecy

It's been a kind of crazy 2007.

The last thing I joined the police for was to write a blog, or a book, and it's the last thing I'll carry on being a police officer for. There may be a lot of people who join the police for various reasons, including a power trip, fast promotion, the sex, "to be a detective". Whilst I would certainly hope for three of those four, I don't think there's any point joining the police if you don't, first and foremost, want to be a uniformed frontline copper. Whatever the frustrations, the bureaucracy and the politics, deep down you have to believe in it or you wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Strangely, I wrote this at 2am.

It's true that a lot of what I spend my day doing is trivial. A lot is spent being told off for not meeting meaningless targets, and being given exactly zero incentive to meet them the next day. A lot of my time is spent wending my way through a tangle of force policies and charging standards to do right by whatever pile of crap is sitting on the desk in front of me. But under it all, there is good work to be done. And there's also a lot of fun to be had at the career criminal's expense.

Here are my predictions for 2008 and, at the end, a couple of questions for my faithful readers.

In 2008:
  • I expect my team to gain two police officers and lose three.
  • I expect to waste in excess of 5000 minutes reading work emails I didn’t need.
  • I predict more laws making it illegal to do things that are already illegal, but worded differently.
  • There will be thirty or forty tabloid news stories about people who got arrested for trivial things, and another thirty or forty stories about times when the police did nothing.
  • I predict promises to send people to prison for things that previously weren’t crimes, and more promises to stop sending people to prison for things that have always been crimes.
  • The Prime Minister will say he values us.
  • I will chase my tail faster and faster trying to keep up with what my job expects of me, and to blog more and more about how ludicrous it all is.
  • I expect never to lose my sense of humour.
  • I expect to be sitting here next year saying all the same things, only people will have stopped calling it news.
And for my readers to answer:
Happy New Year.

---------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs.

33 Comments:

Anonymous notellin said...

Ellie

A power trip, - Our station Fuse box blew, does that count?

Fast promotion, - If you can bear the sight of your own blood on the Dante Esque unholy contract as your soul departs to a newly constructed level of Hell.

The sex, - I must be doing something wrong as i haven't had any action. All the women i meet are either victims of crime, witnesses to crime or criminals. None of that list are ethically acceptable or desirable. Of course there are Police women but issue uniform isn't exactly alluring.

"To be a detective". - and pay for your own uniform? One pay cut is enough thanks.

I'm off to Canada, New Zealand or Australia

Happy New Year everyone

31 December, 2007 20:34

 
Anonymous notellin said...

Crap!

First Time i was First and I forgot to say First!

Crap!

31 December, 2007 20:45

 
Blogger Paradise Driver said...

Happy New Year!

As for everything else, remember feces occurs and there is really little anyone can do to prevent it.

31 December, 2007 23:51

 
Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

Sequel: good idea or money-grabbing power trip?

Both. Go for it.

01 January, 2008 01:30

 
Anonymous M.B. said...

Loved the first book, gonna love the second.

Good Idea and earn the money ;-)

01 January, 2008 02:01

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

... not another "hero" (sigh)

What harm do you ever do to the serious career crinmal? Really? -

-not the minor, pilfering, petty-crim and those who are guilty of being in possession of dud tail lights, dropping litter and politically unsound thought crimes ... but the serious, hardened professional criminals?

None at all really, do you?

Your self-defined job description and your own abberant self-image is a really bit of a joke then. Isn't it?

01 January, 2008 02:39

 
Anonymous XTP said...

1) Yes

2) Promotion

3) Sequel

Just caught that Winter Virus yesterday so you're lucky to get that!!

01 January, 2008 12:00

 
Blogger totallyun-pc said...

Another book. Why not?

go for it!

01 January, 2008 12:11

 
Anonymous nightjack said...

Is policing still "the best job in the world"?
Yes. Couldn't imagine doing anything else ever. Love it. Spoiled for anything else since the first day. So good its even good when its bad. Never boring.

Promotion - the way forward or the worst decision I'll ever make?
IMHO option b). There are darned few good jobs at Sergeant. Even fewer at Inspector. Still the pay is better and there's always the pension to consider.

Sequel: good idea or money-grabbing power trip?
Ahh the tricky second album. If you've made your point then there may not be much point in making it again. On the other hand as my old English Professor said "Say what you've got to say. Say it. Say what you've said."

01 January, 2008 12:22

 
Blogger Metcountymounty said...

1. Yes best job in the world, without a doubt, when it sucks you have thoughts you really shouldn't but when its good there is nothing like it. Knowing someone is alive because of you is worth every sleepless night and near breakdown. Just.

2. as one of my sgts says "have fun as a pc for 20 years and then sell your soul for the last ten and get as high up as you can for the pension to make things easier for the family who've put up with so much over 20 years" Not sure if its my choice but I've got another decade or so to test that one so I'm not in a rush.

3 sequel - why not, enjoyed the first one and as the old saying goes, make hay when its sunny.

Happy new year peeps, keep the eyes in the back of your head moving and one ear on the radio, stay safe

01 January, 2008 13:03

 
Anonymous Michael said...

Retirement is
the Best Job in the World,
providing you have a decent pension, so go for

Promotion
(another benefit here would be "fewer fools telling you what to do")

and just in case promotion doesn't give you the money you need for a comfortable retirement,

write a Sequel.

01 January, 2008 14:10

 
Anonymous g1lgam3sh said...

Read your book today, then came to your Blog.

Just a MOP, although I have been reading The Roots of Evil by Christopher Hibbert* at the same time.

*subtitled, A Social History of Crime and Punishment.

Excellent book, left a comment at Copperfields blog about it to avoid an appearance of conflict of interest.

01 January, 2008 16:32

 
Anonymous g1lgam3sh said...

"Excellent book", both of them.

01 January, 2008 16:38

 
Blogger Sergeant Simon said...

I still haven't reclaimed your book from a relative who I foolishly gave it to before I read it. Must get it back.

Promotion? Has its moments, the good bits being when you can be the buffer between the target obsessed upper echelons and the reality on the streets.

Bad bits are that you get a whole new load of paperwork stuff for you to get wrong (because you get no training on it!) and get snotty emails about. Not that thats happened to me or anything.

01 January, 2008 16:39

 
Blogger WeePeeCee said...

Well, it's the best job I've ever had although I'm just coming to the end of my first year so am probably a bit rosy about things still (this is quickly changing, unfortunately).
I think the dross and drivel is worth ploughing through for the times you can make a difference - anything from someone saying 'Thanks, I feel much safer now' to catching the burglar in the act.

I don't know about the promotion. All our inspectors seem to be having a whale of a time. The sergeants spend most of the shift looking weary and drained. Well, the sane ones do.

The sequel? It's probably both. Do it!

01 January, 2008 17:30

 
Anonymous Sue said...

Best Job in the world??- not sure but certainly think its up there as the most thankless, along with nursing!!
Promotion - of course - how else will you finally earn the money you should be getting now!!!
Sequel - absolutely - for both reasons...do a trilogy and then throw in a prequel lol....
oh and happy new year to you -along with your colleagues, I wish you to stay safe....

01 January, 2008 19:18

 
Anonymous Captain Slow said...

Ellie, been lurking on here for some time now and have read your book which had me chuckling away to myself while my family looked at me like I had finally lost it.

Best Job in the World? Yes. As much as I whinge about the pressure for detections, the long hours, the ludicrous decisions made from above and the silly practices we're forced to take on board. There still isn't a job like it, and I still get up to go to work with a smile on my face, and still get a buzz when I'm blue lighting my way to a job.

Promotion - leave it for a while then like metcountymounty says, go for it when you're getting towards the finish line.

2nd book? Yes please. You helped me kill several hours of boredom sat on a plane earlier this year, no doubt I'll be facing a similar situation this summer.

01 January, 2008 19:57

 
Blogger Minty said...

Sequel, has to be!
Happy New Year.

01 January, 2008 23:13

 
Anonymous xoggoth said...

"...more laws making it illegal to do things that are already illegal, but worded differently."

Funny that, I often have a sense of deja vu reading about new laws. Just a few days back I read of new laws on air rifles including that one could not fire outside boundaries of one's property. Darn sure that has been around since the 1970s.

Still, it employs civil servants I suppose, what else matters?

01 January, 2008 23:49

 
Blogger Unsworth said...

Bloggs,

And a very Happy New Year to you, too.

"I predict more laws making it illegal to do things that are already illegal, but worded differently." Yes indeed. The rush to legislation is now the gold standard political response to political crisis. You can certainly expect to see much more of that in the coming year as the Goverment gets into meltdown mode.

02 January, 2008 10:13

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any prediction on the 2.5% ??

Are we going to overthrow the Government on Jan 23rd??

02 January, 2008 13:29

 
Blogger Ellee Seymour said...

Hi, And Happy New Year. I only just discovered you started blogging again after giving up. I'm so pleased to read your great posts again.

I've just written about sexism in the police force, what are your predictions for that this year? Is it something that can be resolved?

02 January, 2008 15:46

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

nice to hear you've discovered me blogging again... but I never gave up!

02 January, 2008 18:48

 
Blogger Praguetory said...

I predict MPS will award themselves an inflation-busted and fully back-dated pay rise.

03 January, 2008 09:26

 
Anonymous pcR said...

Sequel? Why?
Surely you know that this year will be the same as last year and the same as next year.
Same faces, same stories, same old shit.
But probably a new exciting team name!

03 January, 2008 09:35

 
Anonymous George said...

Would the points below explain
"Ellee Seymour's" post above?

On "Ellee's" own Blog she says:

"I have two MPs as my clients.....

Perhaps they were from different factions and that is why she couldn't get her "facts" right?

George

03 January, 2008 11:53

 
Anonymous Yank mountain mountie said...

The only power trip I've gotten fried my last computer.

I just got a fast promotion to the same rank that I already have.

And what sex?

This is a great job. The only thing that would make it better is if your book was sold in the US. (Hint, hint!)

03 January, 2008 14:20

 
Blogger Metcountymounty said...

yank mountain mountie, just go onto amazon.co.uk and get them to post it to the states, how do you think we get cheaper better quality dvds?!?!

03 January, 2008 18:36

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re Police pay; the garda siochana ( the irish version of the police) had a "blue flu" day when in dispute with their govt. CAnnot remeber the outcome re crime and disorder or negotiations but the v. high turnout forced govt. to empty templemore training facility as those not yet members of garda rep association(GRA).

It certainly showed that the Garda could flex their muscles and am sure brass enjoyed a day on the streets. Perhaps fed could talk to GRA as regards this?

Brown and Smith have kept the letter (but not the spirit)of the agreement on pay in a way that nobody could have predicted. It was cool, calculated, contemptuous and arrogant in a way that we have come to expect of this government.

I certainly would not blame any police officer for doing showing the same regard for them - after all you can self cert for up to seven working days.

04 January, 2008 00:12

 
Anonymous Yank mountain mountie said...

Metcountymounty,
That's a great idea. I'm glad I thought of it.

Seriously, though, I've got a trip planned to the UK in the next year or three. Any chance of getting the book signed?

I don't know how you guys do it. You're long past the point where I'd arrest on a signed complaint, answer "officer needs help" calls, and ignore everything else that didn't fall out of a window and land on the hood of my squad. ("Bonnet of my panda," would it be?)

06 January, 2008 21:22

 
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