This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Still Griping

Over a year after I posted it, I am still receiving abuse on this article on The Weekly Gripe. I think you would agree that is quite some feat. The latest commenter has referred to me as "woman Gestapo" and finished off with "SHUT UP WOMAN". Whilst he makes his point articulately, I would like to point out the following differences between a British policewoman and a "Gestapo"*:
  • The Gestapo ran like oiled machinery, slick and efficient. The British police run like a 1976 Volkswagen Beatle.
  • The Gestapo were the pinnacle of German law enforcement and struck fear into the hearts of their victims. The British police are the pinnacle of bureaucracy and strike fear into the hearts of crime victims.
  • As early as 1939 there were female Gestapo officers with as much power as male ones, and some used sexual torture for fun. Female officers in Britain were only considered equal to men in 1973, and if any of them are using sexual torture, I have yet to join in.
  • The Gestapo looked pretty damn cool in their uniforms. I look like a bag of crap.
Copyright of PC Bloggs.

* Before I get any crazy commenters or a Penalty Notice for Disorder from Blandshire Constabulary, I should add that I condemn and reject the Nazis utterly.


Blogger Metcountymounty said...

oi, thats not fair! I've got a 1970's beetle and it runs a damn sight better than any Police force in this country!!!

Two weeks off away from the silly season, domestics, dead guys, drunk people and continuous cancer death threats.. bliss...

As for the poll on Gadgets blog, what would you give yourself out of ten then eh?

20 December, 2007 22:43

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

I can't believe all of this. Actually, I can totally believe it.

20 December, 2007 22:59

Blogger Alison said...

Been lurking for a while now and finally felt compelled to break cover! Except that I am speechless and can't publicly express what I am thinking.

Oh, but you have shown me a new website on which I can procrastinate and for that I thank you!

20 December, 2007 23:08

Blogger Gazza said...

Just finished your book. Great Stuff.
As for the comments, I'd like, for once, just once (Please,please,please) for some of these idiots to come and work a set of shifts alongside a response officer just so's they can see what it's really all about instead of bleating on sitting behind the safety of their computers.
Better still, if they think they can do better, let them join up as Specials.
Rant over.
Happy Xmas

21 December, 2007 00:40

Anonymous Ve said...

PC Bloggs. You are quite correct that the police are not the Gestapo, they appear to work for HMRC/DWP and they target single mums who have the audacity to have a....boyfriend. Yes, thats right, a boyfriend!

21 December, 2007 01:23

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The police do have a certain resemblance to the Vichy police - as they suppress the local population's resentment and dislike of the invading foreigners.

21 December, 2007 03:33

Anonymous xoggoth said...

Oh goody. I will be back with a crazy comment tonight after a few vodkas.

21 December, 2007 11:13

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Off Topic but good to see a couple of Chief Constables snubbing the Home Secretary.

"The chief constables of Cambridgeshire and Essex have declined to distribute the Home Secretary's Christmas message to their officers.

The Essex Police chief Roger Baker said: “While I have been happy to publish this in previous years, I feel that this year her message is not consistent with the decision she has taken over police officers' pay.”

21 December, 2007 14:56

Anonymous XTP said...


It's all getting a bit daft on IG's site (the "What does she look like?" post). Don't suppose there's anything you can do about it? Doesn't do "us" any favours even though I guess it's a bit of fun for some. Ta.

P.S. Happy Christmas

21 December, 2007 18:00

Anonymous Excessive Use said...

Hyperbole can be lots of fun sometimes, but whenever people pull out the Gestapo references and "your papers please" and all this crap it just makes them look silly.

21 December, 2007 18:34

Blogger PC Bloggs said...

xtp, hopefully when our next posts come up it will stop!

21 December, 2007 19:00

Anonymous Joe said...

I guess in police blogging terms, this blog is becoming a bit like The Sun. Insp Gadget im suprised you let your blog descend to smut. Usually I find your take on police work enlightenin. As an ordinary Joe public,I have lost a little respect for what is a generally excellent site.

21 December, 2007 20:19

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

joe - yes, that pesky "free speech" thing again. Tsk, tsk. What is to be done. Hey, would you like me to sensor it for you? Was this post about the Gestapo today?

21 December, 2007 20:47

Anonymous Excessive Use said...

You (Gadget and Bloggs) both should be ashamed of yourselves for holding a gun to Joe's head and making him read your blogs, THEN talking about goings-on in your lives. How dare you, really now.

21 December, 2007 21:11

Anonymous Alfred of Wessex said...

As to the bureaucratic incompetence of our Police Services, if the 'not fit for purpose' Home Office is anything to go by, PC Bloggs should have used the Trabant as a metaphor.

From what I know of these examples of prehistoric Communist East German engineering their body panels were made of pressed resin-impregnated paper, they had a two-stroke engine and a penchant for losing wheels whilst in motion.

Rather like everything that NuLab has touched in the last 10 years: "One wheel on my wagon, and I'm still rolling along..."

Mind you, by the time our lords and masters in Brussels have finished 'harmonizing' all our insitutions, aided and abetted by their satraps in Whitehall and ACPO, our Police 'Services' will, I fear, bear all too close a resemblance to the East German Stasi.

23 December, 2007 20:53

Anonymous Alfred of Wessex said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

23 December, 2007 21:00

Anonymous Alfred of Wessex said...

Oops, sorry. Didn't intend to post twice. That will teach me to try to read one blog while posting a comment on another.

23 December, 2007 21:01

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

I think considering practically everything else related to our job and general conversation topics happen to be pretty depressing at present, it's good to see a good turn out for something extremely light hearted. At the least it shows that there are lots of people who want something to look forward to, even if that is something as simple as a fitness rating of one of our most respected bloggers!!

24 December, 2007 09:34

Anonymous Anonymous said...

a dog is a sdog no mater what yopu dress it in

24 December, 2007 20:50

Blogger Alison said...

Anon 20:50,

Did it take you a long time to come up with that? Are you proud of yourself?

But let's face it, why stop with the police? Ambulance services really could do with clearing up the drunks quicker, hospitals could try discharging patients before they're ready to get those waiting lists down, maybe the fire service could get to those fires a bit quicker and perhaps the armed forces could disarm more bombs to save more lives. Schools could allow children to run wild in order that they can express their freedom, after all we wouldn't want to be a police state now would we.

So it's not public services that create the problems in this country, it's small minded people, like politicians and (pure conjecture here, based on your comment) you. The public services do the best they can, including the police, in spite of what some people throw at them.

25 December, 2007 01:55

Anonymous g1lgam3sh said...

"The Gestapo ran like oiled machinery, slick and efficient. The British police run like a 1976 Volkswagen Beatle."

Surely that would be a Volkswagen Beetle unless it's a snide and subtle dig at the general crapness of Band on the Run.

01 January, 2008 21:57

Anonymous g1lgam3sh said...

It behoves us not to even remember Mull of Kintyre...shudder

01 January, 2008 22:00

Blogger Disgruntled Banker said...

Pure brilliance!

27 January, 2008 22:38

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