This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Schools Officer

I am thrilled, THRILLED, at the news that the government is thinking of putting police officers in schools.

This brand new concept will, in a never-seen-before move, see police officers for the first time working inside schools to curb antisocial behaviour and act as role models.

The idea is just brilliant. In one fell swoop, this "new" Schools Officer could meet every one of the government's targets:
  • Stop-and-searches, especially on white children (to even the figures out), will be there for the taking.
  • Violent crime will be reduced because Chesney and Kezza's parents will no longer have to call the police to resolve a playground scrap (the in-house officer can just listen to their woes and tell them to sod off).
  • Sanction-based detection figures will go through the roof. At one glance the Schools Officer can detect thefts of pencils, vandalism of whiteboards and minor assaults, writing them all off as Detected because the offender was under the age of criminal responsibility.
In fact, I suspect the more likely outcome is that the post will be filled by someone desperate to get away from frontline policing, who will saunter up and down the school corridors handing out jammy dodgers and always be "in a meeting" when an incident actually occurs at the school where they are based.

The really good news, for Labour at least, is that Schools Officers have been around for decades (see above links). So once again the government is gaining political ground by re-hashing an old policy they think no one knows about.

The only slight problem is that I'm not sure the public really want police officers rushing into their child's classroom every time there is a disagreement with the teacher. Still, who cares what the public want? It's a good media sound-bite, which is all that matters.

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Blogger Stan Still said...

I'm not sure I would want to send my kids to a school that felt it necessary to have an officer on permanent patrol there to keep the peace.

As you quite rightly say, this is an old idea, regurgitated and spewed out as a great new idea from Labour.

They haven't had an original idea since they took power, just plagiarised everything that everyone else has done.

11 December, 2007 17:31

Anonymous Trojan said...

Do you think that the 'new' schools officers will get the same huge SPP (in the Met) as the current ones? £3k plus... Its an awfully awfully dangerous job you know, you could fall victim to a wet willie, a wedgie, an atomic wedgie or even, the dreaded 'rear admiral'... I'll just cope with my measly £628 before tax.

11 December, 2007 18:36

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

Oh how can you be so dismissive of the chance to get detections?

I would love to get my people into the school yard, just think of the Section 5's.

Thanks for the link to the story about plod turning up to scold a child for calling another child names. We are so good it's frightening.

11 December, 2007 21:00

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just think of the courses the schools officers will have to go on, firearms; diversity refresher training; updates on algebra, maths, English grammar and gangsta rap. When I was a schools officer I used the pupils toilets as that was the only place I didn't feel inadequate.

11 December, 2007 22:36

Blogger PC Bill Sykes said...

Don't forget that the goldmine that is restorative justice. Get the "victim" and the "offender" in a room and it is a sanctioned detection.

11 December, 2007 23:40

Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Nice to see you over here, Bill. Sorry for all the crap on Coppersblog, some of which generated by me! I just seem to bring out the best in people.

11 December, 2007 23:56

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dread this new initiative.
I can see myself tied up with all manner of trivial rubbish whilst the real villains carry on thieving - aware we are too busy to look at them.
Teachers should be empowered to sort out most school issues - they should have the backing of the authorities and be stabbed in the back less when they intervene and restrain the little darlings.

12 December, 2007 07:40

Anonymous Anonymous said...

PC bloggs: do you consider yourself to well educated?

12 December, 2007 12:22

Anonymous pcR said...

I'm afraid I didn't understand the last question. It must be because I went to a bog-standard comprehensive.
Trojan, what is a rear-admiral? Can you recommend a web-site?

12 December, 2007 13:09

Anonymous trojan said...


Rear Admiral [Reer Ad-mer-uhl]


A super wedgie that (when executed properly) results in the victim being racked AND the elastic band on his Y-fronts being ripped off

"I gave the hoodlum a serious Rear Admiral and now he wants to take me to court."

"Your mother got mad when I gave her a Rear Admiral, but now she begs for them!"

12 December, 2007 19:00

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