This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Monday, December 10, 2007

Dumb Coppers

I have been reading through some of the comments on Have Your Say this week. You might be amazed to hear this, but I think we might have a problem with PUBLIC IMAGE!

Do you know, some members of the public actually think police officers are a bit thick? That they couldn't get any other job and kind of wandered into the police (who, by the way, take anyone). You will be pleased to hear that plenty of officers have fought back against this stigma by stating that they have several GCSEs and a "degree" in Business Studies - so there!

I do wonder sometimes just how intelligent police officers need to, or should, be. It see
ms to me there are far too many clever coppers, and that we should really be recruiting a lot more dumb ones like we used to. It just doesn't do to have rank and file staff who are educated about advanced matters such as the Working Time Directive, or Employment regulations. Nor ones who come from middle class families who own televisions. In fact, if we could just employ officers who couldn't even read or write, they wouldn't moan about half the things they do. Nor would they write blogs - or at least, not such dashed good ones.

Of c
ourse, they wouldn't be half so good at transcribing the 8 page statements needed for successful convictions nowadays, nor understanding how to submit items for forensics. They might have a few problems articulating their thoughts during suspect interviews, or navigating the stop-and-account forms required these days. They'd probably lose a lot of cases by not filling out the 10 page court file properly, or by failing to present the evidence adequately to CPS. And they'd probably have gotten lost somewhere in the middle of the last paragraph.

But still, point them in the direction of some broken glass and a figure running away, I'm sure they'd do all right.

We're not all thick... honest.

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Anonymous MattW said...

If the police really did take anybody, they'd take me. Unfortunately I passed the intelligence test.

I'm going to run away now. Very fast.

10 December, 2007 22:04

Anonymous Anonymous said...

""probably have gotten lost somewhere in the middle of the last paragraph""


Are you an American PC Bloggs ???

If so - congratulations - you will help your Constabulary satisfy those all important Home Office targets...those targets that have nothing to do with fighting crime !

10 December, 2007 22:11

Anonymous us detective sergeant said...


You have something against American cops? Or, against cops in general?

10 December, 2007 22:55

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear me kindly american cop - is it a law to like policemen - especially american ones?

11 December, 2007 04:49

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh bless - engage brain before engaging gear!!!

11 December, 2007 06:31

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing against Americans "us detective sergeant"...

When it comes to The Falklands, Iraq, Afghanistan you are our only true allies.

Just noticing how your bastardisation of the Queens English is creeping back to these shores. Too many of our residents watching Cheers, Friends etc...

The pun about Home Office targets relates to the Governments obsession that x% of our staff should be ethnic minorities. If PC Bloggs is American she will help her force to satisfy the targets on ethnic recruitment for that all important Home Office bung. The Governments obsession with micro-managing us in every minutae is akin to Government in the old USSR.

Nothing against cops - I am one.

11 December, 2007 08:05

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

While on the way into work the other day I saw something that typifies the type of people that we deal with, as opposed to the type of people we all actually WANT to interact with but can't becuase they don't smash peoples windows and there aren't enough of us to respond to the one or two times in their lives that they actually call us.

I had a lovely long chat on the train with a writer called Rebecca who was taking her niece and nephews back home having had them for the weekend so her sister could have a break for a bit. The niece (called Samantha) had in her lunch box; salmon filled pitta breads, grapes, quails eggs and more importantly, a fork that she knew how to use. She was five years old and very well spoken, she told me her brothers were called William and Peter.

Rebecca and I chatted for a while about kids and then when she saw my warrant card (paid for travel - kerching) the topic changed to the job and politics, as it usually does, for the rest of the journey.

Thankfully the topics had nothing to do with speed cameras (which I personally hate and believe are purely revenue collectors) or "my brother got nicked for section 5 on his birthday, he didn't do anything, why did they nick him?" The hour or so we were talking was rather pleasant.

Before pulling into the station I moved up the train and through a carriage, where I walked past a family who's 4 kids were around 8-12 were jumping on the seats and swearing and screaming at each other. Occasionally there were a few choice words from the adults, including names - Chelsea-Marie and Alfie were two shouted at almost full volume. On the table they were 'sitting' at were the remnants of a KFC family bucket much to the olfactory delight of everyone else in the carriage. The knives and forks were still in the wrappers.

One of the nice moments in our job is when we can actually meet nice people and have a nice conversation, instead of abuse and occasional body fluids from those who don't know what a p45 is because they've never had a job but have got sky HD, two cars and huge paid for (and filthy) house.

11 December, 2007 16:58

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor old Metcounty.. he really does have to keep hiding behind a woman's skirts doesn't he.

11 December, 2007 17:54

Anonymous Havok665 said...

Ha, that bloody video again!

As a Derbyshire cop (where this video took place) can I please be the first on this blog to mention that the numbnuts in the van were specials, who, btw are not allowed to drive the van.
No excuse, I know, but at least there are one or two of us who are able to use a little common sense!

11 December, 2007 18:19

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

if you're gonna insult me you could at least try and make sense!! and besides, hiding behind skirts is fun!

11 December, 2007 22:37

Anonymous Anonymous said...

No insults Metcounty old bean - it's just that PC bloggs is overly protective of your little feelings I think and deletes some comments before they reach your tender little ears.

Hence the lack of continuity.. perplexing for you I suppose. Hey ho!

Anyway, how you been? Doing anything for Christmas?

11 December, 2007 22:40

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

I'm peachy thanks, and having xmas and new year off with the family for the first time in ten years so I'm looking forward to it. As for the continuity... I've heard worse than what gets printed but it's her blog so she can do what she wants!

11 December, 2007 22:48

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peachy indeed.

Incidentally, why "xmas" ? instead of Christmas? .. some carry over fron your job that's along the same lines as "chalkboards" and "coffee without milk" ?

12 December, 2007 08:55

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

hell no, an unfortunate by product of todays text speak leading to an over use of easy abbreviations! When I was at school it was a black board, it was Baa Baa Black Sheep instead of kick Moo Moo Jessie Cow and my nursey school had two permanent armed soldiers guarding the front gate!

12 December, 2007 10:44

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

no idea why I put kick in there, that was odd.

12 December, 2007 10:45

Anonymous gil said...

Yes, odd. Kicking animals. Funny

... so tell me, the last 10 years away from home at Christmas and New Year because you were at work instead.

I'm guessing that this was the rest of your family's idea, right?

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