This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Virtual Justice

Those of you who have read my book will know that all the crime reports I investigate are held in a "virtual" docket. Every time I speak to a victim I record it virtually. Lists of stolen property, exhibits and discussions with the CPS or "Gateway" officers are all held in virtual form.

The idea is that if I am accused of any wrongdoing, I have an audit trail to prove I did it all correctly. It is commonly accepted that if it's recorded on the crime-reporting system, then it happened, because virtual information is always true. In other words, our system provides a virtual Arse-Cover for use in all situations. (If only my arse were virtual too, I would be happy.)


Sadly, at present, all this virtual stuff relates to real life crimes and criminals in the real world. But I anticipate an age when crime and justice is enacted virtually, with no need for anyone to actually rob or assault anyone at all. Earlier this month I read that Dutch police have arrested a teenager for stealing furniture from the Habbo Hotel.




This burglary isn't real. But it can still be used to show how we are reducing crime and disorder.




In case you are unaware, the Habbo Hotel in fact exists only online and is inhabited by virtual guests.
The contents of the rooms, however, are bought with real money, hence the theft. It will not be long before we can expect to see online criminal damages in these worlds, embezzlement of Sims, assault on the Habbo residents and maybe even virtual sexual offences. The great news is that we will be able to successfully prosecute everybody by merely seizing and analysing their hard drives to prove incontrovertible evidence that they did it. The not-so-great news is that we will be sending out the message that people who use real money to buy non-existent goods should be taken seriously.

Also, we may come up against the defence that the virtual character's artificial intelligence had taken over and in fact the hacker/controller had no control whatsoever. That would be an interesting case law...

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

10 Comments:

Blogger alanorei said...

PCB said:

"our system provides a virtual Arse-Cover for use in all situations. (If only my arse were virtual too, I would be happy.)"

This does not seem to have been mentioned in the introductory guidance on How to become a UK Police Officer.

Though I might have missed it and it could be on the CD.

However, it could be worth noting for an updated edition of the CD.

I can't comment on the rest of your post because it's too advanced (and may need the expertise to make a virtual comment instead of just a comment, which expertise I don't have).

25 November, 2007 19:55

 
Anonymous xoggoth said...

Didn't we have news of virtual sex offences a few weeks back?

25 November, 2007 21:38

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Virtual sex offences...
That picture to the right of the blog - "On call girl" book cover did it for me !!
Phwooar...by the way was it good for you or dis you not consent.

25 November, 2007 22:02

 
Blogger AngryDave said...

Did the young lad get taken away in a virtual police car wearing virtual handcuffs?
I agree with your comment about taking the 'victims' of the crime seriously. If they had paid real money for virtual furniture, then surely they had already been mugged.

26 November, 2007 01:47

 
Blogger Ian Parker said...

AI will be designed with safeguards. In fact the opposite is probably the case. Transhumanism may be the only safe basis on which to colonize space. Anything else and we will be fighting all the time.

The most insane suggestion I have ever read is that religious groups should be allowed to found colonies in space.

Have they noticed what is happening in Iraq?

26 November, 2007 16:05

 
Blogger kingmagic said...

Could you not virtually taser them, repeatedly, and then asp them, repeatedly?

Until either they woke up and got a life, or they ceased to steal useful oxygen from others that may require it more?

26 November, 2007 19:28

 
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15 April, 2009 09:44

 

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