This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Friday, December 01, 2006

I am most peeved.

Gosh and darnit, somebody out there thinks I'm not really a police officer. This same person also accuses me of being a graduate and a journalist, and of bringing out a book in a year's time. I can only imagine that this commenter is a member of Professional Standards trying to trick me into revealing my identity. Their schoolboy error was the suggestion that a journalist might have a degree - if there are any out there I haven't met them yet.

But I will answer the accusation: you are quite correct, I am actually a writer. My works include "The Report of the Man Attacked with a Hammer", "The Tale of the Egg-throwers" and "The Day I Attended an Attempted Murder". You might also have read my crime novellas: "The Job That Could Not Be No-Crimed" and "Crime-Managed To Death".

I am not just a writer, however. I am also a mechanic, delivery driver, carpenter, therapist and teacher, mentor, parent, social worker, soldier and friend. I'll even have a go at your plumbing.

I hope this clarifies matters.

I cannot really blame you for thinking I might not be a police officer: most of the people who have required my services in Blandmore are not entirely sure that I am one either. I was nonetheless unaware that being a graduate and police officer are mutually exclusive. Furthermore, I must take umbrage at the suggestion that I work part-time and would prefer that you use the politically correct term "dosser". In terms of bringing out a book, I can only hope that once I have written one, someone is foolish enough to publish it and a whole lot more people are foolish enough to buy it.


Finally, you have attacked my description of "taking the piss" as a verb. You are correct, I should have said "piss-taking" which would have been a compound verb with a nounal specifier.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

PS In case it is not clear, I AM a police officer and I work FULL-TIME. In the event that this article did not spell it out, it is possible to be a full-time bobby AND use the internet simultaneously.

13 Comments:

Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

I laughed reading through that! I think you forgot that your also a taxi driver too, or at least expected to be one

01 December, 2006 16:20

 
Blogger hobbybobby said...

Crikey... first you try to make us believe you're a woman, and now you expect us to believe you do all that as well?

You'll never have time to get your exposé published in the national press doing that little lot! ;)

01 December, 2006 18:35

 
Anonymous rodin said...

I have long thought that you're not a pleece ossifer, and that your blog is a fishing exercise, to what ends though? I suppose it may the number of postings per day compared to other bloggers, your appearance on other blogger pages and other web sites, and your slowly catching up with the original and best - DC - in being asked to comment elsewhere. Maybe it's just good old multi-tasking! Going by what other commentators say about how hard pressed they are, I can't see where you get the time, what with working nights, and having to get up to go to court, working extended shifts on pointless enquiries etc. You can see where the doubt can arise? Others may be suspicious because of your obvious intelligent and perceptive comment, presented in a readable and literate style, packed with biting irony and a hint of sarcasm - almost too professional in comparison to many of the other bloggers. I could be wrong though.

02 December, 2006 07:53

 
Blogger Joe90 said...

Taxi Driver, Social Worker, Politician, Police Officer.....

All subject to the same shit, just on different days.

I just find it funny how these people like to make comments that they can't substantiate,

Idiots.

02 December, 2006 11:59

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Do any police officers out there think I'm not one?

I do find it amusing that "intelligence" is cited as the reason why I can't be a police officer, just as another reader thought I must be over 30. Just goes to show what low expectations we have nowadays.

02 December, 2006 17:20

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

PS Also, how long do you think it takes me to write a post? Only between 5 and 20 minutes unless it's a major one and then I sometimes write one over a few days and publish it when it's done. When online I surf other sites and put comments if I feel irate enough - being female I don't know when to shut up.
PPS If you knew how many other hobbies I manage to squeeze in as well as this you would be more surprised that I am not in hospital with a nervous breakdown.

02 December, 2006 17:25

 
Anonymous Standard Dave said...

I have a BSc (hons) and also hold the office of constable.

Just goes to show that the public are obviously institutionally sexist, ageist and qualificationist. I have suspected it for a while the final piece of evidence will be someone saying "I'm not ****ist but".

02 December, 2006 23:31

 
Anonymous ranter said...

Easy tiger! And well done to all of you out there with degrees too, especially Standard Dave!
What makes you think other contributors haven't got one (or even two) as well?
Don't be too sensitive - I'm sure Rodin and others were only having a larf. I mean , in the 70's you could join the police if you could fill out the coupon in the paper and pass the bend over test on the rubber mat at Paddington Green (oh the nightmares and flashbacks - did there have to be so many people in the room?)
Then in the 90's, you had to be a rocket scientist because too many peeps were joining for the great pay and pension deal, then when Ken Clarke and Sheehy messed around with the pay and conditions, it went back to coupon filling again because they couldn't get anyone to join, and now with free rail travel and a host of other bolt-ons people started to join - especially the MET - again - BUT now there's a whole host of new qualification hurdles - don't get me started on those, I could be accused of many '-isms'.
Trouble is many of us meet some of your colleagues and for all the checks and balances that the recruitment process entails (or should entail), some of them shouldn't really be in the police at all. Not much life experience and/or people skills at all. It could also be something to do with the way you no longer, as crown Officers, have any discretion in the way you carry out your duties and/or apply the law, using common sense in light of the facts and circumstances.
Anyway, that's not all of you I know. But that's maybe a reason people who enjoy your contributions come to an incorrect conclusion. Modern life in the UK is very, very stressful as Joe 90 says - so keep up the good work, especially the blog - and don't wear yourself out! Remember lots of other people love a bit of irony too at times.

03 December, 2006 11:36

 
Anonymous Pascal said...

So, is this a case of you being a jack of all trades, master of none !?!

04 December, 2006 13:52

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a single mother to a seven year old, a dog and a cat. I manage to get my daughter to the majority of her dance classes and my house is always tidy. I also manage to read this blog most days as it gives me something to look forward to :) I am also....big breath.......a police officer. It's a female thing. We can multi-task and we can also conjure up a spare half hour from anywhere. We're clever like that ;)

05 December, 2006 15:48

 
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