Watch Our Backs.

I got some interesting responses to this. Before anyone asks, no that is not a picture of me, and yes I am sure that policewoman doing some kind of gesture in the shadow of her coat. Furthermore, yes we do all look that enormous when we wear our yellow coats and no, she is not a hunchback.

Today I have read about the increasing number of assaults on rail staff. Apparently some workers have had to take weeks off work. And others have been beaten up. The solution to this is - as with most of life's problems - security guards. These train bouncers will sit in carriages and evict troublemakers, whereupon they will no doubt take one or more of the following courses of action:

• Beat up the troublemaker.
• Fail to write down a description or take any details of the troublemaker.
• Let the troublemaker go and then expect the police to catch them again.

I think this is marvellous and would like to see proposals for Police Bouncers. It is just not right that we expect our nation's police officers to stand around getting assaulted with no legal protection. The Bouncers would travel around in police cars and when trouble arises they would leap from the car to protect the officers from assault. They could then administer on-the-spot justice in the form of the highly-effective Penalty Notice for Disorder or, if the felon seems unlikely to bother paying, Penalty Notice for Disorder. Hand-in-hand with the introduction of Police Bouncers would be powers allowing the police to shred any reports of excessive force used by them.

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