This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Supernanny Goes Large!

Once again a charity has managed to get a mention in the news by opposing a new scheme. This time they are moaning about Blair's plan to improve parenting.

The scheme involves helping the parents of antisocial kids to "parent" them effectively, the idea being that this will prevent the behaviour. I am both astonished and delighted that the Labour Government have managed to develop a DNA test that can accurately predict which two-year-old is due to become the next local ASBO-holder, in order to administer the aid to parents in time for it to be useful.

If applications are opened for the posts of Blandmore Borough Supernanny, I will be submitting mine. My basic principles of parenting are:
  • Children should wear clothes (this includes shoes).
  • Children should eat food.
  • Children should wash.
  • "Wot" is not actually a word.
  • If you spend your benefit money on Plasma flat-screens which are larger than your front door, there is a high chance you will not be able to afford wholesome family outings.
I have more, but I feel if certain families could master these basics at an early age, there might be hope. My first lesson for tearaway kids would be to line them up in a row and walk the parents along them saying, "NO" loudly to each one.
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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

12 Comments:

Blogger Minbu said...

Excellent suggestions, but are you sure you're not expecting too much?

21 November, 2006 20:24

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But but but if there's no tv what are they going to eat their takeaway around? Not a dining room table surely??!!! That would involve interaction and erm what's it called?? Oh, time togevva.

21 November, 2006 22:32

 
Blogger AntiSocialWatch said...

I too think you are probably asking too much of some people.

21 November, 2006 22:49

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

When did I mention no TV! Are you mad?

21 November, 2006 23:12

 
Anonymous Wozza said...

Of course, convincing the parents to wear clothes, eat food and wash, let alone speak properly, could be a damn sight harder

22 November, 2006 05:56

 
Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

I think the idea of Parenting Tests is a good one personally!

22 November, 2006 08:33

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Children should have food? Does that come before their beer money? I don't think so.....send Jonny down the shop for a packet of jaffa cakes that'll do him rightly. He can watch cbeeebies on that MASSIVE telly they pay that Brighthouse company £13.50 a week for at 28.9%APR ( But you get the surround sound and laptop for £6.50 a week special offer only 25%APR)

22 November, 2006 11:19

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recognise that photo... ;-)

The Gripemaster

22 November, 2006 17:43

 
Blogger PC Common Sense said...

You put it so much better than me!!!

22 November, 2006 23:28

 
Blogger Drugsblogger said...

The problem with this piece of crime and social policy kite flying is that it assumes vat da kidz actually have at least one parent in attendance. And not in prison, drunk, stoned or legging it round the corner with the flat screen telly and heading for the nearest fence.

I've only just stumbled across police blogs - it's a whole new world of hilarity. And I'm not a copper, I work for a charity.

20 December, 2006 11:35

 
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