Caution: May Contain Irony.
Jamie Oliver today announces his latest celebrity fad show: Jamie's Prison Dinners.
Given that the TV chef's ASBO-avoiding school dinners have failed to do what they said on the tin, the Naked Chef has changed his sights to where most of his rice-guzzling teenagers have ended up: Inside.
On visiting some of Britain's most deprived prisons, Jamie was horrified to discover that not only were the prisoners being fed unorganic and fattening foods, but that the cooks had no training whatsoever in preparing gourmet meals. "You might even think," the celebrity gasped, "That they were therving time in the thlammer themthelveth!"
And so begins Jamie's next crusade, to improve the eating habits of our nation's prison population. He hopes that by switching cold turkey and detox for small and regular doses of methodone, the prisoners' Human Rights will be protected AND their behaviour will become more mellow and relaxed. Admittedly, in early trials, concentration levels were lowered somewhat and coma was a regrettable side effect of the diet. Jamie is confident, however, that if he perseveres, he might just make a shedload more money in time for Christmas.
We have neglected the addled brains of our young offenders for too long: if we do not act now some of them might stop taking drugs altogether.
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Copyright of PC Bloggs.
Given that the TV chef's ASBO-avoiding school dinners have failed to do what they said on the tin, the Naked Chef has changed his sights to where most of his rice-guzzling teenagers have ended up: Inside.
On visiting some of Britain's most deprived prisons, Jamie was horrified to discover that not only were the prisoners being fed unorganic and fattening foods, but that the cooks had no training whatsoever in preparing gourmet meals. "You might even think," the celebrity gasped, "That they were therving time in the thlammer themthelveth!"
And so begins Jamie's next crusade, to improve the eating habits of our nation's prison population. He hopes that by switching cold turkey and detox for small and regular doses of methodone, the prisoners' Human Rights will be protected AND their behaviour will become more mellow and relaxed. Admittedly, in early trials, concentration levels were lowered somewhat and coma was a regrettable side effect of the diet. Jamie is confident, however, that if he perseveres, he might just make a shedload more money in time for Christmas.
We have neglected the addled brains of our young offenders for too long: if we do not act now some of them might stop taking drugs altogether.
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Copyright of PC Bloggs.
posted by PC Bloggs at 06:26
14 Comments:
If it did happen - and for all the irony it is (these days) a distinct possibility - It'd only lead to their Mum's (or sullizzzitors) pushing their (now labelled unhealthy) favourite drugs/takeaway food/ciggies and cola, through the prison fences at break time (sorry - exercise). Still maybe there's a new TV series/book/interactive reality load of bollocks in the pipeline becasue of it....with press Bliar getting in on the act when Blue Peter take it all up as their summer appeal - -down Shep!
14 November, 2006 07:12
We will soon have organic heroin and organic crack for those druggies who are "concerned about their health"
14 November, 2006 11:44
HELLO!!!
Grrr!!!
Why doesn't he visit the homes of the working poor?! They don't get gourmet meals - sometimes they don't get meals at all!
Oh, but wait - they haven't committed crimes so don't need coddling!
14 November, 2006 11:50
I think anything prisoners will get will be an improvement, it's not a scheme that will win much public support at the moment after that payment to the drug addicts for the abuse of their human rights.
What did you think about the pensioner who was jailed for not paying his council tax bill?
14 November, 2006 12:51
While I am sure that St Jamie the Pukka has a good heart and good intentions the one effect I've noted from his campaign is that when I go to buy a sandwich at lunch I can't get in the shop for pupils from the local secondary school buying their dinner.
14 November, 2006 13:31
I can see the letters being written up in the Prison library now...
"Excuse me Mister Oliver - I'm a chocoholic and I feel that being incarcerated and being denied my chocolate, which I am medically addicted to, infringes my human rights for making me go cold turkey and only supplying chocolate flavours sweets as opposed to the real thing. Whilst you're revamping the menu to add lobster and fois gras, could you perhaps mention this to the Governor before I sue the Government? Then I can spend the proceeds on shares in Thorntons..."
14 November, 2006 18:01
Trouble is that most of the scum have what I call a CRO Halo.
No matter how much abuse they put their body though with drugs, drink and tobacco, they live for ever and ever.
So they don't need a decent diet anyway.
Feed them bread and water!!
14 November, 2006 18:20
Can a person really live for any extended period of time on only bread and water? I'm serious - I don't think they could, but I don't know.
14 November, 2006 19:08
"Can a person really live for any extended period of time on only bread and water?"
It would make better TV than the dross that's usually on.
Bliar could make money on it by making it a sort of Lotto sweepstake thingie.
14 November, 2006 19:38
Ok bread and water was a bit harsh for some prisoners. But I wouldn't give them a lot more, maybe beans on toast for Sunday lunch, or tripe.
14 November, 2006 19:48
What? No cake?
14 November, 2006 21:14
I can just imagine The Great Jamie making children's porridge for paedophiles; porridge with 'file o' pastry in it for the inveterate escapers; porridge with a kick for the muggers or even 12 safes with porridge in one for the burglars and safe crackers. Wouldn't it be better to lock them up in cells and tell them to make their own meals. That way, we wouldn't be breaching their precious human rights by giving them freedom of choice. Mind you, we wouldn't be giving them any ingredients. It should concentrate the mind on the rights and wrongs of criminal activity quite strongly!
14 November, 2006 22:20
What would Fanny CRADDOCK have cooked for them I wonder.
14 November, 2006 22:29
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