This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Friday, January 18, 2008

Cop Idol

Thank you to a reader for this link. Just to put it in a little context, the debate is about policewomen's trousers. My own experience of police trousers is that no matter what size I wear, my shirt un-tucks itself throughout the day and as soon as I start to run, my kit belt wobbles about and I have to hold it still with one hand if I don't want to arrive at the scene of the baddie to find my handcuffs somewhere in the small of my back where I can't reach them.

These, of course, are trivial matters and I am disgusted to see the nation's policewomen kicking up such a stink. This is rightly pointed out by the commenters on the above story, who say we should just count ourselves lucky we don't have to wear barbed wire bikinis on the beat. As I state in the comments myself, if we women have differently shaped waists and hips to men, we only have ourselves to blame if we fail to stay at home having babies.

Unlike the feminist hussies quoted in the article, I understand that I have muscled my way into a man's job, where my only role should be to hold the hands of rape victims and comfort crying children - in whatever trousers can be spared by the men. If policewomen want to be taken seriously, they should accept that until they are willing to grow penises and generate more testosterone, they should not be allowed to look as professional or smart as male officers.


Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

why dont you try one of those velcro internal belts? that'll stop it bouncing. Or just grow a beer belly that'll keep it in place.

18 January, 2008 15:44

Blogger Paradise Driver said...

I am sorry. Did you say something dear? Oh while you're up, would you get me another beer?

On a serious note:
Don't you have "keepers" to attach your gunbelt (or the equivalent English term) to your slacks belt?

18 January, 2008 15:47

Anonymous Lozzy said...

What a shocking insight, I was under the assumption that those female officers with extra wide back sides had been specially selected for their ability to pin obese binge drinkers to the pavements on Saturday nights until cuffed.

18 January, 2008 15:53

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone says I look like MC Hammer in my trousers as they are so baggy. This doesn't do much for my self confidence! I don't understand why every high street store can produce trousers which fit me at the waist, hips and in length but the police can only manage one of the three at a time. Sorry, was i moaning? I'll go and put the kettle on lads...

18 January, 2008 18:26

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! I was watching GMTV today, and it had a little newsflash about that and I thought of you!! The uniforms are awful! No offence, but they don't exactly make it easy to run after a little scrote do they? On GMTV, they were talking about throwing scumbags into boot camps (I think this has all taken off since the Newlove case), but I was just wandering what do you think about that?

18 January, 2008 18:30

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you should call in the fashion police! Hohoho!

18 January, 2008 18:33

Anonymous seasprite69 said...

Ha,we could always go back to culottes. Had a pair issued in good old Derbyshire! BTW the chap that mentions a "keeper". Umm, in this country that is a brand of menstrual cup. Nice....

18 January, 2008 19:22

Blogger Mikey said...

I'm looking forward to seeing what the 'Fashion Students' come up with... a one-piece perhaps? Stylish knitwear cardigan - both practical and lightweight (!)? Faux-fur?

18 January, 2008 20:17

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lycra trooper pants with the 2 inch stripe down the sides, then what you see would be what you get!

18 January, 2008 21:31

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon 18:26 - (and all the others who can't get a pair of Job trousers to fit properly!) - you're going to have to take a swallow (I have for 20-odd years) and whack them into the tailor's to get adjusted. It'll cost you about a score each pair. Money well spent. I know you (we)really shouldn't have to but the alternative is to walk round looking like an eejit. Do it! You'll have your trousers back in a week and you'll feel great.

18 January, 2008 21:31

Anonymous XTP said...

BTW - That last post was by me

18 January, 2008 21:32

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

Excuse me folks, but please do not forget that the subject of 'Bloggsy in her police issue trousers' was first raised by yours truly! Indeed, my first EVER post was about police issue trousers. Mine not hers. Now that's out of the way, go and stick the kettle on love, will ya?

18 January, 2008 23:43

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I use an outer belt with velcro inner lining, and an inner belt (through the loops on my trousers) with velcro on the outside.

And "belt keepers" in US uniform terms mean small leather straps that snap around the two belts, holding them together and holding the kit on the outer belt in place.

19 January, 2008 03:41

Anonymous Martin said...

"who say we should just count ourselves lucky we don't have to wear barbed wire bikinis on the beat"

Not that i would like to aee it ...BUT ! ;-)

19 January, 2008 08:26

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whilst looking at the photo of the trousered female Police officer it looked as if her belt had that horrible plastic clip type buckle so beloved of Police forces, er, services, these days. I wonder how many who wear these belts have had to break off struggling with toe-rags, or the Inspector, after the release catches have been pressed. This causes the said belt to fall to the floor, leading to a change in immediate priorities. Shouldn't the officer be wearing oen of those leather covers which prevents that? Now, back to the keks blogline.

19 January, 2008 11:22

Anonymous Blueboy said...

Officers of all genders on my team are buying their own trousers of a style much more suitable for outside work (they are very optomistic at being able to get some time outside away from policing by computer and form-filling). It is letting the job 'off the hook' but is a practical solution.

19 January, 2008 12:34

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gotta say the above all made me chuckle, yes they are a nightmare, the look bloody awful but more to the point they feel awful.
Cold in winter and bloody hot in summer, thats the real problem.

Tip for the ladies, buy nice undies, just because you have to dress like a bloke dosn't mean you have to feel like one.
warning could cause a hot flush if something awful happens, or in my case when I was changing in the locker room one of my mates turned around and said "oh what a lovely bra"

19 January, 2008 14:23

Anonymous Scopsicle said...

Personally I don't think the men get a great deal either. Police trousers for example were clearly designed by eunuchs. I personally could do without a middle parting downstairs when I run after some little ned. Then if they fit in the waist they will be half mast and if the leg lenght is right you're gonna need to eat more pies to fill them and get told off by occupational health for having a high BMI! But it's ok I take comfort in the fact my entire uniform probably cost less than a tenner!

19 January, 2008 22:55

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea Gordon's doing a deal right now with the Chinese to get your next uniform for even less, including the red star patches.

20 January, 2008 00:20

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once you get new trousers we will be able to see that there is no such thing as a policewoman with a fat arse. Apart from the plain clothes ones that already have them of course. You should be like us blokes, racing snakes to a man.

20 January, 2008 00:39

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I have two things to say about this.

1. Don't you get your uniform and equipment free anyway?
So at least they give you trousers

2. If you had realy nice trousers, wouldn't you spend the whole of your shift making sure that they were really pristine and they they were appropriately place to show off you behind? ( Not slating you or anything. It could always be a good thing.)

I understand where these women are coming from. But why don't you just take your uniform issue trousers to the tailors, or buy your own?

There really is not need to get furious about it, is there?

Oh and this whole thing with some people wanting combats.

I personally agree with that. Because when I see coppers chasing people, you can really tell how uncomfortable they feel with the trousers and all that stuff they wear just by the look on their face.
: )

I liked your view on this PC Bloggs. I totally agree. :)

20 January, 2008 04:18

Anonymous XTP said...

Job trousers have never fitted. My first pair (1984) were 22" round the bottom of the leg! I think that they were a hold-over from the 70's when flairs were "in"! I had to get them round to the tailors - and every pair since. I kid you not! It'll only cost you £20 or so.

20 January, 2008 08:39

Anonymous xoggoth said...

Agree about the combats too. Anyone likely to be involved in physical confrontations should be properly dressed for the task.

One of the problems I always had with James Bond films was the way he fought the baddies wearing a dinner jacket. If that was me, I'd have told Jaws to hang on a bit while I changed into my overalls and old gardening shoes.

20 January, 2008 12:38

Blogger PC to be said...

I, too, have written a post on uniform trousers and it was also one of my first posts (I have only written about 4 posts though...). Our cadet uniforms actually did cost next to nothing (most of it looks like it belongs to a dinner lady) but the trousers are rather nice... cargo pockets (millions! I keep finding new ones...) and warm and stuff, still itchy when they get soaked though. And i was just thinking, I guess my bum does look large-ISH in them, but maybe i just have a large bum? anyway, all the officers in my force seem to want my trousers rather than their own.

and the British word for "keeps" is stays i think. although I never really knew what they were for until now.

20 January, 2008 16:36

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't it about time that the various uniform committees were forced to wear these clothes day in and day out before deciding on their usefulness. Then perhaps a more fitting (no pun intended) uniform would be forthcoming.
The role of the Police has changed so much from the days of suit type uniforms, with shirts and ties to a more paramilitary type uniform - only not going the whole way. Why not give patrol officers a pair of black overalls with pockets in the legs (pockets in the upper part would not be necessary as there are pockets in the stab vests). Get rid of shirts and ties/cravats and issue T-shirts. A more ceremonial uniform could be held for parades or appearing in front of the Chief on Reg 9's. I have recently returned from a holiday in Sweden and Denmark and their Police officers are dressed as above, without the stab vests though with automatic pistols at their waists (which looks like a good swap). They really do look like Police officers should look today - being dressed for the type of work they are required to do. For the benefit of those die-hards, George Dixon never existed, he was a figment of imagination who would have lasted about 30 seconds in real life.

20 January, 2008 20:37

Anonymous pcr said...

I'm with scopsicle. I find the combination of stupid equipment belt and the centre parting is probably worst when trying to drive an astra or peugeot.
But on the up side, unlike the majority of our new recruits I'm not a midget with a massive backside......

20 January, 2008 21:40

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Policewomen [can you say that?]could always where their skirts. Even more unflattering.

26 January, 2008 15:55

Anonymous Carlo said...

Good Job! :)

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