This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Friday, July 06, 2007

It's a sad state of affairs when your governor introduces your training session with the words:

"I'm afraid this is a rubbish package, guys."

Five hours later, we are forced to agree with him as we leave the training room with no better understanding of the Fraud Act than when we entered. As the Act has been live for several months without any training on it whatsoever, this is nothing to mourn.

Moreover, we depart fully trained that it is not acceptable to smoke anywhere on police premises, except in custody where we can join the prisoners in the yard (to prevent THEM smoking would be a breach of human rights, you see). I don't smoke, but as we all know it is the prerogative of the Twenty-First Century Police Officer to be outraged at the introduction of any new rule, no matter how little it affects him or her. If several hours of moaning and three emails can be added to the outrage, all the better.

On the bright side, over the next few weeks I can expect to be extracted regularly from my duties of running after my own tail to sit in a yellow jacket in the back of the transit. The purpose: to reassure people and use up the force budget of free sandwiches.

Terrorism has its advantages.

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Blogger totallyun-pc said...

Today, there was an "all units" circulation by the control room via the PR, reminding everyone of the "No smoking laws". As a member of the public had "seen" a police officer smoking in a car somewhere, and was so outraged that they felt the need to phone 999 and say so.

I had to laugh. well I had to.... or I could find the CAD message, trace the buffoon, and burn down his damned house with smouldering dog-ends.

So I laughed... obviously!

06 July, 2007 21:28

Anonymous Anonymous said...

when I've been gaoler for the last couple of years I have refused to take prisoners out for cigarettes as 'its against my religion'
They can't make me passive smoke and to be honest very few people actually deserve a fag break after abusing me for a couple of hours through the hatch.

You should see the look on a solicitors face when they question it and I have said "do you really want to start questioning the legitimacy of my religious beliefs on camera and more importantly on the custody record??"

Minging habit and I'm glad I can go out and not come home stinking of someone else's smoke.

06 July, 2007 23:33

Anonymous Anonymous said...

the krankies, now that was a fraud act!

07 July, 2007 09:22

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, TUPC - le même vieil hypocrite.

07 July, 2007 10:14

Blogger PC South West said...

There is no smoking in our cells and no yard for them to smoke in either.
I expect someone will get in trouble for breaching their rights next.

07 July, 2007 12:53

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to distract from an excellent blog by getting involved in petty sniping with a troll like anonymous 10.14, 10.17, 10.21.
What a patronising, pretentious prick. Still at least they are polite, reasonably well educated and know how to use Babel Fish.
I wonder what perceived injustice inspired their anti-police sentiments.
I think we should be told.
Au revoir!

07 July, 2007 13:28

Blogger PC Bloggs said...

I don't normally edit comments, but I must draw the line at abuse not written in English, so have removed a couple. Being a police officer, I'm just too dumb to speak any other languages - and struggle enough with my own.

07 July, 2007 13:39

Anonymous Anonymous said...

whats going on? whats been deleted?

07 July, 2007 14:13

Anonymous Anonymous said...

PC Bloggs - that you had the "benefit" of a Comprehensive School education is self-evident.

Anon 1328, does the word "hypocrite" have any special resonance for you?

07 July, 2007 14:41

Blogger busybizzie said...

Ah the smoking ban. Oops.

07 July, 2007 15:30

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smoking ban is good news.

Lots and lots of "detections" to be had there.

07 July, 2007 18:27

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you bet your ass there will be detections, I can just see metcall lining those bloody calls up "a unit to attend shithead pub on twat street please, report of 20 men smoking and refusing to leave"

Great fun.

07 July, 2007 21:35

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You tell 'em Mounty. Those twats in Twat Street eh?

Twats the lot of 'em.

You twat

08 July, 2007 11:57

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smoking, in this case, is an expression of Free Speech. Europe's ban on free speech is appalling (just ask Ernst Zundel). Even in the USl, censorship is becoming our favorite past-time. The US gov't (and their corporate friends), already detain protesters, ban books like "America Deceived" from Amazon and Wikipedia, shut down Imus and fire 21-year tenured, BYU physics professor Steven Jones because he proved explosives, thermite in particular, took down the WTC buildings. Free Speech forever.
Last link (before Google Books caves to pressure and drops

08 July, 2007 12:43

Anonymous Anonymous said...

PC Bloggs,
I have to say I am jealous of you and your force. They have at least given you five hours of training in the Fraud Act. My force decided to send an email to everyone in the force (even the admin staff) inviting them to click a link and train yourselves. Well Thanks for that, I have tried to read it now on at least 15 occasions but had to dash out to immediate response jobs.

When I want advice on what I would term fraud, I then have to speak to an advanced desk driver in CID only to be told no you've got that all wrong and thats not in our remit.

On the smoking issue, custody sites within my force have been no smoking zones for a couple of years and as far as i know there haven't been any challenges. Oh how we laughed in the early days when the regular "customers" thought we were having them on.

19 July, 2007 18:35

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Thanks for interesting article.

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