Good News!

We can all sleep easy in our beds: it is only going to take fifteen years to defeat terrorism.

In this time, we can expect to eradicate all extremism and emerge into a new era where human beings no longer kill each other. Instead, all will embrace the British way of life. A worthy aim.

This will be achieved through the novel approach of getting people to inform on their neighbours and family. The government has finally realised that crime should not be investigated by the ill-equipped police forces and information agencies of this country, but by the general public. Indeed, I would go further and say that the public should be held accountable not only for all acts of terrorism they fail to stop, but also for their local detection and arrest figures.

Members of public should moreover keep themselves updated on the status of their crimes - it just isn't good enough that they don't know whether the police have caught their burglars yet or whether there is CCTV of the incident.

Blandshire Constabulary is way ahead of the government here, and long since introduced the idea of handing responsibility for investigations over to the public. Only we call it Neighbourhood Policing.

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