This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Muzzling the Police.

I am sure other bloggers have picked up on the fact that Welsh Chief Constable Brunstrom has decreed the muzzling of all police dogs to stop them biting people. Here is North Wales Constabulary's dog section's own website. When you click on the link you will see one of their muzzled dogs.

Personally I don't think we go far enough in protecting the public from our mindless brutality. I am shocked that the Chief Constable has instead trained these dogs to deliver a "flying head-butt" to the suspect's midriff. This is cruel and instead police puppies should be used to lick the offenders into submission.

Furthermore, I propose the following changes to Personal Protective Equipment:
  • Sponge to be glued to all batons to prevent injury to those struck.
  • CS/Parva to be exchanged for the scent of poppies swaying in a lovely meadow. Poppies will send them to sleep...
  • Police cars to be equipped with rubber cages so they bounce off subject vehicles and fleeing suspects.
  • Police firearms should be loaded with rose petals.
  • Tazers will become pink fluffy tickling arms.
  • Handcuffs should be the soft leopard-skin type, if they really must be used.
  • Police cells to be coated in fluff.
  • All police officers to wear cornerless clothing and cotton boots.
  • Offenders shall be dressed in a big bouncy castle before any fighting commences.
  • On no account are offenders under eighteen to be arrested at all, it is just too dangerous for the poor dears.
  • In time, the whole world will become a big fluffy meadow of lilies and bouncing balls with everyone laughing and happy.
Click on movie.

Alternatively, we could police the real world.

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Anonymous cogidubnus said...

What kind of breed is this "Malinois"? -you already have an invaluable weapon in the police armoury against crime - it's called the the "maladroit" - it's what you get if you FAIL to muzzle Ian Blair...mind you, whether you do or not, he's still about as effective as a head-butting bichon frise (a muzzled one that is)

18 October, 2006 02:36

Blogger Bill Sticker said...

Well yes, I think your list highlights the idiocy of muzzling land sharks, but I'm intrigued by the idea of leopardskin covered handcuffs.

Would not those pink fluffy ones be more suitable for getting in the spirit for those 'party time' arrests? Gracious me, I've come over all flustered. I'm off for a lie down in a quiet dark room.



18 October, 2006 08:27

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You hit the nail exactly on the head:"Alternatively, we could police the real world.."

But whose world is the more real? Mine? Yours? Or the world of the politically appointed senior Police officers?

I suppose it depends how far up Wonderland one is willing to creep.

18 October, 2006 12:14

Blogger PC South West said...

Maybe we should start using foam ASP's next.

18 October, 2006 18:03

Anonymous Eastlondoner said...

ON the same videolink - please have a look at the Texas Police officer arresting an escapee. Somehow I think that would be followed by several inquiries in this end...
Now that's what I call police work.

19 October, 2006 08:27

Blogger Noddy said...

Nice puppies - unfettered too.

21 October, 2006 05:49

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03 April, 2009 18:38


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