Muzzling the Police.
Personally I don't think we go far enough in protecting the public from our mindless brutality. I am shocked that the Chief Constable has instead trained these dogs to deliver a "flying head-butt" to the suspect's midriff. This is cruel and instead police puppies should be used to lick the offenders into submission.
Furthermore, I propose the following changes to Personal Protective Equipment:
- Sponge to be glued to all batons to prevent injury to those struck.
- CS/Parva to be exchanged for the scent of poppies swaying in a lovely meadow. Poppies will send them to sleep...
- Police cars to be equipped with rubber cages so they bounce off subject vehicles and fleeing suspects.
- Police firearms should be loaded with rose petals.
- Tazers will become pink fluffy tickling arms.
- Handcuffs should be the soft leopard-skin type, if they really must be used.
- Police cells to be coated in fluff.
- All police officers to wear cornerless clothing and cotton boots.
- Offenders shall be dressed in a big bouncy castle before any fighting commences.
- On no account are offenders under eighteen to be arrested at all, it is just too dangerous for the poor dears.
- In time, the whole world will become a big fluffy meadow of lilies and bouncing balls with everyone laughing and happy.