This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Escapers!

Terror Suspects on the run!!! Major Police Investigation!!!

An absolute disaster has occurred. Two terror suspects are fleeing. One of them escaped through the window of a mental health unit. His crime was "wanting to go to Iraq to fight". The other guy might have disappeared a few months ago, we're not sure. Either way they must be caught urgently and the Tories told why they escaped.

Reading further into the story, it turns out one of the suspects was on a Control Order, which means instead of being in prison he was allowed to wear a tag so that the authorities would know exactly where he was at the time he potentatially detonated his bomb. These conditions were relaxed and hey presto, overnight at some point in the last few months, he "disappeared" (or at least moved out of the immediate area, probably to Bournemouth).

I think we should make more extensive use of Control Orders. They would be especially useful for those who have not yet committed a crime but whom we know are going to as they just can't help themselves. We could tag them with a GPS/Tazer bracelet and at the precise moment they are about to murder their victim, Tom Cruise could administer a shock that will incapacitate them while the Thought Police strike. They would then be bundled off to the courts who could tell them not to do it again and agree to remove the tag because their lawyer says they have "changed".

Of course it is against Human Rights to suggest the concept of the Thought Police, where we lock murderers and criminals up the moment before they commit the crime. It is far more appropriate to envisage a future where not only do we not lock people up BEFORE they commit any crimes, but even AFTERWARDS, we either cannot find them or do nothing with them when we do.

Tom Cruise, Blandmore Needs You!

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Mutley said...

I've got a theory about these tags - I reckon we ought to get GPS-capable Prince Albert tags installed on certain parliamentarians so we can all see exactly where the delinquent members are...Heh heh heh)

17 October, 2006 20:24

 
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03 April, 2009 18:38

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are making an 'islamophobic' with that caption. If you weren't a copper you'd be arrested!

18 December, 2011 09:47

 

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