This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

La Pensierosa

Yet again the media is up in arms about police forces miscounting crime. The claim is that forces are counting serious assaults such as GBH, just as ABH, and ABH as Common Assault. By the same token, I imagine they claim many Burglaries are being counted as Thefts and many Thefts From Motor Vehicles as Criminal Damage.

I'm not saying this doesn't happen.

But Blandshire Constabulary actually has a fiddle-fighting desperado to prevent these machinnations. She's called the SCRUTINEER, and her job is to learn the Home Office Counting Rules inside out and thoughtfully consider how best to follow them blindly regardless of the circumstances.









Any time a PC wishes to "no-crime" something (ie downgrade a crime report into a crime that hasn't happened), or to downgrade a crime from more serious to less, the Scrutineer will go over the crime report with a fine-tooth comb. Hence, I can attend an incident where someone has blatantly made up a robbery in order to claim double their benefit money, and spend the next three months arguing with the Scrutineer in my attempts to get this no-crimed.

Or imagine an incident where someone has claimed to have been stabbed, only when I arrive they refuse to show me the stab wound, show no signs of bleeding, and won't give a statement. It the "victim" refuses to provide a pocketbook signature confirming they were NOT stabbed, then not only will I be unable to no-crime this, I won't even be able to downgrade it from a Wounding to a Common Assault. Let's face it, the guy hasn't been stabbed. He said it to get the police there quicker, or because he panicked. But according to the statistics for that month, Blandshire has a knife crime problem.

I could talk about this for hours. Take Racism. As soon as the word "racist", "black", "country" or "Muslim" is mentioned, an incident becomes racist in the eyes of the Scrutineer. I attended an arson once where someone's car had been torched. The fire brigade told the police control room it might be racist, because a group of black kids was watching it burn, and the car belonged to a white guy. When I turned up, the white guy was amazed at this conclusion, and actually knew the black kids quite well and got on with them. But because the fire brigade had perceived it as racist, it remained and will remain racist forever.

All of the above makes Blandshire Constabulary excellent in the field of Recording Crime In Line With Home Office Rules. It makes us pretty rubbish in the field of Recording Crime in Line With Commonsense, and that of Actually Spending Time On Crimes People Care About.

So when the papers claim that forces are fiddling the figures to make them look better, I am fairly confident that Blandshire won't be one of those forces. We're actually fiddling the figures the other way.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

27 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The unholy mess that is crime recording...
No room for common sense...
I was considering reporting some bloke called Richard Brunstrum for an "anti-english" hate crime of suggesting the word police be removed from pandas but "heddlu" remain.
Any North Wales cops reading this???
I have reported this to you..please crime the bloody thing as a hate incident and send it to Brunny for his info.

23 October, 2008 21:36

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NCRS is supposed to be a "national system.
Why then do we have 51 scrutineers across the 51 forces making their own interpretation of NCRS to send to the troops.
Hardly "National" is it.
We should have a national crime recording system, one chief beancounting scrutineer to make the awkward decisions - and one national call centre system to input the bloody things.
Then crimes would be (1) National (2) Standardised.

Spent 1/2 an hour on the phone tonight with a crime inputter arguing about where and what crime she is inputting.
In the end I said "ffs put whatever you want in - I've got some prisoners to deal with".
The prisoners are looking at 7 years each - I am looking at a bollocking....
Reducing bureaucracy...fighting crime......
Bollocks

23 October, 2008 21:42

 
Blogger Hogdayafternoon said...

The more this Home Office crap/ number counting-obsessed madness is exposed the better. Crime reports were always `adjusted` but it was usually by a hoary old detective sergeant who didn't want to see too many of the wrong sort of crimes on his books, lest the DCI (more feared than anyone else) climbed all over him. At one placed I served (not Metrolopis City this time, but in the Shires) our DS insisted that all crime reports were submitted to him un-numbered. This left him to enter them up into the system, (with the added flexibility that a blank box for the crime number gave him). Whats the difference between him and PC Blogg's `scrutineer`? The DS knew about the real crime picture where it counted, on the ground. He was also looking for the most efficient way of dealing with it and that certainly didn't include forcing the poor bloody infantry to report crap.

23 October, 2008 22:11

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the way it's being sold as 'mis-counted' like it was accidental! How many time's have I crimed a Burdlary to have it reclassified as some other crime?!

23 October, 2008 22:15

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snap

23 October, 2008 22:47

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

" ... because a group of black kids was watching it burn."

I assume this is an intended grammatical jibe? ;)

As for your assessment of the debilitating nature of the NCRS - spot on as always. I had a chat with an old sweat yesterday and he claimed that the NCRS was one of the most destructive things to common sense policing he has ever known.

Still, we is all watchin' while Rome burns, innit.

23 October, 2008 22:51

 
Blogger blueknight said...

The counting 'rules' have to change every year so that no one year can properly be compared with another and the Govt can pretend crime is decreasing.

23 October, 2008 23:19

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup,
same problem north of the border.

Lost count of the times I get told by some office jockey what the crime type is. Bearing in mind I attended the incident and know exactly what went on. I still get told what to crime it as. What crime it will end up being, is very much dependant on what the current 'priority' crimes are.

Total joke and we compound it by telling the public how good we are ( we are lying through our teeth here ).

23 October, 2008 23:56

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Pinky, I may be wrong, but "group" is singular, therefore "was watching" is correct.

Still, let's not be pendantic.

24 October, 2008 00:35

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can't trust the Goverment to record crime properly because they have a vested interest in not recording it properly.

You cant trust senior officers to record crime properly because they have a vested interest in getting promoted to be even more senior officers as well as their bonuses.

You cant trust the public to record crime properly because frankly we'd have to send them all to law training and sometimes they lie as well.

You cant trust the faceless civvies in a back office to record crime properly because a flow chart and arse covering attitude are no replacement for law training.

You can trust me to record crime properly because i don't care about the any Government, Senior Officers promotional prospects / bonuses, flow charts or the faultless ignorance of the public. Of course you may suggest that i might not want to record a crime in case i have to deal with it. Well thats why we have audits, lots of audits and complaints departments for those who feel we need oversight.

My suggestion, everyone but the Officer on the ground and who they choose to seek advice from should be left to decide what class of crime should be recorded. Everyone else is bias or not equipped for the job. Never happen though, too much vested interest from too many other people.

24 October, 2008 03:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any embarrassment to Government is not entirely its own making. Most damaging to the former and to the reputation of police, are further huge dents in public confidence.

Work belonging in the gallery of illusions is more evident in other police blogs where exploiters and arsonists can be seen holding matches whilst gleefully watching the policy of accountability burn.

24 October, 2008 08:30

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks doc...
And in English?

24 October, 2008 09:20

 
Blogger Virtual Supply said...

Crumbs, talk about getting it all wrong and going sideways! It seems to me that all of you have completely missed the mark here. Not one of you seems to understand the important aspect of recording crimes correctly, like as though a) you don’t value your jobs, just keep taking the money or b) too bloody minded to be stupid, keep taking the money because we must be right. Or c) is it a copper that thinks he is right must be right and can never not no how do no wrong.

Some of you are obviously desk bound pen pushers, too knackered or scared to go on the job proper, so you swan about the golden towers and claim your pay after tapping up your mates for their info, had a long lunch, skived off early and dodged lates cover on Saturday because your kids going to be taking her exams next month or some such other adroit excuse. And I know that some of you are ex coppers, now in civvies, going in late, knocking off early and doing sod all in between, but getting paid , full pension and full pay for a job that was being done by a civvy for half of what you are on. Yes, you got the job cos your mate decided it would be an advantage to the force to keep hiring you and anyway, the darts club would flounder without your lardy fat ass propping up the bar.


So, why did you get it all wrong, possibly for one reason, you don’t bother to learn, you may listen to the boss for ten minutes, or may listen to your mates, or you may listen to the radio, but you don’t learn. It’s nothing about whether or not you catch a guy for burglary, that in your ‘umble opinion, would not of been on ‘is toes with long legs if’n he adn’t been doin’ it.
And it has got nothing to do with how you describe a crime, or how you report a crime, or how you think a crime should or should not be recorded, counted, adjusted or ‘let it be known as’. Its all about the shiny and foldy stuff you draw from the bank every month to pay your fat mortgages, and pay for your over sized cars, your useless dogs, and the pets you have at home. MONEY.


Do you think it grows on trees?


Listen up: A police Officer costs money to maintain, from shirt sliders, to casco, from boots to panties, from fleece to cap-badge, from training and re training, from feeding and looking after, a copper costs money. A lot of money. If you want to put him or her on shifts, it costs more, a lot more. They need holidays, breaks, sick leave, family leave, time-off-in-lieu, they need time to travel, time to train and all the while they are not at home sleeping, or on the beat making a presence, they need another two police officers to stand in for them. So that is a lot of police officers. That in turn is a lot of money, a great deal of money, millions of foldy bits for a force the size of GMP or A&S.

They in turn need sergeants, inspectors, detectives, doggies, crime scenies, traffics, dirty laundry and yes, it specialists, pilots, gaolers and even control room bodies. They need all these people to be organised so you have a HQ with Admin, with HR, with ARV heads and Gun toting bullet buddies, with Bikers and car maintenance and catering and more admin and more HR. Sigh, and horses, and helicopters, and coverts and media specialists, and even bankers and lawyers to try and hold it all together. Guess what, the bill for this little lot suddenly got big, very big, so big you can’t half imagine what ‘big’ really means. Eee-nore-mussss as an old ex-inspector in my place would describe it. Sure there is lots of other stuff from centralised call centre, to centralised property to centralised uniform and even centralised catering. All paid for with the great British Pound.



Now, heads up Romeo - Juliet, Over?

Where does the money come from?

Three places:
The long suffering council tax payer, Central Government and Investments in the banking and insurance industries. Guess what else they have to fund (beside other emergency services), the law courts. They cost a few bob as well, no that’s not fair, look at the jags, BMW’s and Lexus’s parked outside, they cost a bomb. Now here i a clue. Stay focused rat chett. If you put people into the system, it is going to cost a lot of money to put em through court and the justice system and then, if they are found guilty, they are going to be detained.


You putting them in, is an expensive deal. If you put them in wrong, they escape of the net because of a million conservative invented reasons, and it costs money. The money is finite, that means, there is a limited amount and when it’s gone, it’s gone, so every penny needs to be accounted for. (Even your day off being paid at one plus one third needs accounting for).


Have you caught up yet? No! It costs a lot more to catch, try and record a burglary than a mere break, or GBH rather than ABH. Further, the range of negative rewards are different. If you put a guy in for say ‘attempted theft’, when it should be ‘damage to’, you are costing the taxpayer more than you need to, so the crime recorder tried their very best to correct your easy made errors and record the crimes as they will best be tried and resolved with due process. If you keep putting em in over the top, you will run out of money and have no money left for your Christmas holidays in Barbados. CrimRecs job is to make the budget go further cos you lazy shower of shit floating over Shropshire don’t have a clue what to do. Further, when you lay hands on, an detain at her majesties pleasure, you do yourselves no favours, with little or no evidence, cooked up half baked statements that are meaningless in the cold light of day and with little or no justification for your inflated donut shaped egos consuming your ability to be effective while your mate farts about with the dolly from the canteen and the boss is leering at the slapper in cell 5.


You admit left and right you can’t keep up with the way the rules and laws change, you make it up half the time and pray to god the stupid MOP never argues cos you know you’re on such thin ice if you stand still for more than a few moments you will forget what day it is, let alone what laws have been broken. You forget that the basic precepts of policing are to guide and correct, to assist and detain and to ensure the safety of, not mow down pedestrians and other members of the public.


The test of police efficiency is the absence of crime and disorder, not the visible evidence of police action in dealing with it. Those are Peels words, more recently, Mr O’Dowd, David.J said: Achieving improved value for money is perhaps the most important yet difficult challenge faced by the Service. Value for money is not an isolated abstract concept but in a well-run organisation something that is the concern of all staff, and touches on each and every aspect of service delivery.


Either way, what you do costs money and if you want to police your way, its financially not going to work, you have to police in accordance with the rules because it’s those rules that provision the payments that keeps your boat on its trailer, your kid in a fine school, and your BMW 4x4 in the drive of your 4 bed roomed detached house on the outskirts of town in a nice low crime area.

If you don’t like that, or feel you can’t do that, or you disagree with the rules of the land that state it is what you will do, then I suggest you sign off, go to Spain and kick back for a few years, as you isn’t going to fit in here.

VS - http://virtualsupply.blogspot.com/

24 October, 2008 16:57

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the box above it says "Leave your comment".

Not "Leave a whole f@cking dissertation".

Bloggsy, "was watching" is quite correct. However, the phrase "there were a group of black kids watching it burn" doesn't have quite the same, er, 'street' impact as a "group of black kids was watching it burn". Your sentence was more edgy, with a seasoning of ghetto.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. Anyway, best of luck with trolls and ranters.

24 October, 2008 17:25

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And what I actually meant in my middle sentence was "there was a group of black kids watching it burn".

Michael, take your medicine. In many respects, this pointless discussion of mine about semantics has a parabolic significance to the post - representing the inane nature of the NCRS.

I will be quiet now. Thanks for listening. Enjoy the comments made by more lucid participants

24 October, 2008 17:30

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

"It costs a lot more to catch, try and record a burglary than a mere break, or GBH rather than ABH."

Er, no it doesn't.

Who thinks that front-line cops actually consider the budget when they attend a crime...

And as Pinky says, please limit comments to something readable.

24 October, 2008 18:20

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Virtual Supply = too narrow minded for law enforcement. Stick to the ALF and ease up on the medication - LUV! ;)

24 October, 2008 18:55

 
Blogger uniform said...

it's almost as though recording it as 'whatever' will get more pokey.

It won't.

you may as well record it all as theft of pedal cycle.

In any old case , it dunna matter what drop down box you chose , or what the 9 till 5 ,form Nazi ,tells you it should be , the only thing that matters is what CPS charge it as.

24 October, 2008 20:40

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK i have an idea, a radical idea but it does at least swing with the fashion of our times.

We should set a up a Ministry of Crime Recording.

The Ministry will be staffed only the IPCC.

The Ministry will take phone calls only from members of the public in call centres set up especially for the purpose.

The Ministries governing code will be only NCRS which they will apply in the most literal and fundamentalist manner possible through the use of flow charts.

The Ministry will not train its call centre staff in the law. Experiences have shown this to be a barrier in efficient recording of crime.

The Ministry will record all crime nationally and allocate that crime to which ever Police force they feel is responsible. (Which will at least sort out those pesky cross border ownership issues)

The Ministry will not allow a crime classification to be changed or for a crime to no crimed under any circumstances regardless of evidence or any other factor.

The Ministry will be Audited daily.

The Ministries Auditing body will be Audited weekly and they themselves shall be Audited Monthly which shall be overseen by a NGO led Cross Party, Stakeholders working group who will Audit the Auditing bodies Auditors (3 times removed and inclusive)

The Ministry will record all calls but no call recordings can be use as evidence or be heard by anyone not employed by the Ministry (for quality and training purposes) or is engaged in the Auditing of either Ministry or any of its Auditors.

The Ministry will have an independent complaints department set up known as the IPCCICC.

The Ministry, once the crime or crimes have all been recorded, will have no further contact with the MOP and under no circumstances will they be allowed to associate with anyone who knows anyone who works in the Police or the Government, the legal profession, the civil service or is subcontracted thereby any of the above.

The Ministry will be tested 43 times per day with Mystery shoppers who will record crimes for Customer Service assessment. To prevent these calls from being identified by the Ministry they will be allocated as normal for investigation to the relevant Police forces.

The Ministry, with the aim of efficiency will operate on the certainty that all callers will have been subject of more than one crime and will seek wherever possible to ensure that these crimes are recorded. The use of a script will be used to ensure that correct pitching of this is conducted. Ministry operators will receive bonuses for each extra crime they identify and record as an incentive for this increase in efficiency. This policy is designed to reduce repeat calls and increase customer service.

Ministry Operators will be directed to follow leads and cold call members of the Public who have been identified as witness, victims or suspects to ensure that all other crimes and counter allegations are recorded prior to Police allocation. Research has shown that these calls are best made at tea time.

The Ministry will always be right and will take no responsibility for the inevitable wrongness of others.

The Ministry of crime recording jurisdiction will not include Scotland.

24 October, 2008 23:39

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some years ago, I saw a robbery classified as common assault and lost property!

But then -from about the same era- I also saw an unlawful sexual intercourse (under 16) written off as a business dispute! The "aggrieved" party and her family were very happy with that, but the investigating officer should have had more sense than to get involved in thye compensation negotiations, the daft bat.

Sorry, must remain anonymous on this occasion.

25 October, 2008 09:31

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why not do what I've started doing.

Fill the crime report in with time date location victim witness and MO etc etc etc....

Just leave off the "offence".

When the crime bureau contact you tell them to put whatever offence code in they see fit....
they usually do !!

25 October, 2008 21:29

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has any one considered that the next year, the Forces are being measured on violent crime and therefore, this year they want ABH's on as GBH's so that they can fiddle the figures next year to show how well they are doing in the reduction of violent crime.

26 October, 2008 09:20

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Virtual Supply

Interesting and thought provoking post.
Unfortunately you are confusing the current NCRS problem with CPS charging standards.
The crime that is recorded by me at the job bears no relationship to the crime that will eventually be charged and prosecuted at court.
This is nothing to do with NCRS This is because the CPS will only proceed if they are going to win - hence Section 18's get dropped to s47. This has no impact on stats - a section 18 will be "detected" even if CPS are only running a common assault at court.

What is amusing is that someone as obviously intelligent as yourself can so completely misunderstand the crime recording and prosecuting process. When that is combined with a rant about how stupid and resistant to change the common police officer is i believe the term is "ironic"

Outandabout

26 October, 2008 15:55

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

....and when you add a touch of "twitter and bisted".....a rantfest cometh!

26 October, 2008 20:15

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All of these p@xy targets that are set, (Not just to the Police, but ambulance etc,) Labour have a lot to answer for.
Whatever happened to the "percentage" of crimes solved.
As a Mop I do not expect the Illegitimate sod who duffed up a friend to be walking around the following day while the victim is still in hospital.

The "Diary" and "Wasting Police Time" are doing the rounds offshore here, and half the guys do not know if they should be laughing out loud, or weeping with frustration.

Gadge

29 November, 2008 01:22

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 美女交友,

嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片,

愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,

03 April, 2009 21:38

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性, 做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇,

免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真,

15 April, 2009 12:52

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

 

View My Stats
eXTReMe Tracker