This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Caption Competition




Captions below, the winner will receive a fabulous prize (namely, the glorious knowledge that they are the winner).

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

63 Comments:

Blogger Ben Bowen said...

Ouch!

16 September, 2008 20:32

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know the name of a good solicitor.

16 September, 2008 20:47

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So that's why they used to be called 'Area'cars!? (You might get that if you have over 15 years in the job).

16 September, 2008 20:56

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Control, could you show us State 6 at the basement flat please?

16 September, 2008 21:02

 
Blogger blueknight said...

Hello workshops,..... well I suppose you could say that one side is a bit dented ...

16 September, 2008 21:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This wouldn't be an exa mple of a Police officer having a bit on the side would it?
Plodnomore

16 September, 2008 21:09

 
Blogger Boy on a bike said...

Will they be charged with "taking a fence"?

16 September, 2008 21:26

 
Anonymous MarkUK said...

"Well Sergeant, you did say 'Don't let him see you', didn't you?"

16 September, 2008 21:36

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tick the box please, IF you want the scientists to make a BLACK HOLE.....And put us all out of our misery.

16 September, 2008 21:36

 
Anonymous MOP said...

The new flying cars are sometimes difficult to park.

16 September, 2008 21:42

 
Anonymous Dogman said...

Looking well ahead... the world has flipped on it's axis and cycling proficiency suddenly seems important.

16 September, 2008 21:50

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well you did say you didnt care how i followed him, just as long as i didnt lose him sarge

16 September, 2008 21:52

 
Blogger Izzard said...

"It's a bit tricky to get in and out, but it beats being tutted at for parking on double-yellows."

16 September, 2008 22:01

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waiter! This jam butty's got grit in it!

16 September, 2008 22:12

 
Blogger Metcountymounty said...

D'OH!!!!!

16 September, 2008 22:49

 
Anonymous notellin said...

The Mets attempts at distracting the media from their Management Teams latest public arguments have become even more desperate.

16 September, 2008 23:37

 
Anonymous notellin said...

Just when you actually need GPS tracking, it stops working.

16 September, 2008 23:38

 
Anonymous notellin said...

"Look on the bright side Bob"

"What bright side?"

"Well if you get arrested they definitely have to give you a meal break this time, prisoners PACE rights you see"

16 September, 2008 23:45

 
Anonymous notellin said...

With no unmarked cars available the surveillance team improvised.

16 September, 2008 23:49

 
Blogger Chris said...

They had had to sell the car park at Glenville Street Police Station to pay for the Chief Inspector's recent flight to the Bahamas International Policing Convention. Officers have been forced to be ever more ingenious in finding car parking spaces.

PC Bloggs is currently trying to work out whether there's room for 2

17 September, 2008 00:06

 
Anonymous MB said...

Tut, women drivers.

Sorry PC.Bloggs, and any other lady's out their.

17 September, 2008 07:10

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"BEEN INJURED IN AN ACCIDENT THAT WASN'T YOUR FAULT? THEN CALL INJURY LAWYERS FOR YOU!"

"I was sitting in the money seat one day when my driver fell off the road. I got 10 million pounds thanks injury lawyers!"

Dr Dave T Muggle

17 September, 2008 09:03

 
OpenID reallifedilbert said...

Traffics new prank 'car park here' sign claimed its first victim.....

17 September, 2008 09:05

 
Blogger TWINING said...

"Serge I honestly don't know what happened. I was doing 30, responding to a shout, when the gate just seemed to bounce from it's secure posting onto the bonnet of my car. And the car swerved into that ditch. Do you think I've lost my area car ticket?"

17 September, 2008 09:40

 
Anonymous pcR said...

HQ fleet department deliver the new response car.
Apparently the email request did not specify exactly where it should be left

17 September, 2008 10:38

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sgt to Supt: "The area car has been involved in a bad accident"
Supt: "Bollocks, we'll be a car down, we won't meet the immediates, I won't receive my bonus, Division will be billed for the excess" then as an afterthought "how are the officers who were in the car?"

17 September, 2008 10:48

 
Blogger drewe said...

"I would remind all response officers that their vehicles are to be reversed into parking spots to allow quick exit in the case of a flash call"

17 September, 2008 11:53

 
Anonymous Thirty Seven said...

"Ian Blair denies tampering with Assistant Commissioner Gaffur's staff car"

17 September, 2008 12:02

 
Anonymous Peckham PC said...

" Hello, Garage Sgt... "

or

"My GPS told me to turn right here."

17 September, 2008 14:27

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Putting Diversity into action, we didn't want the public to think we were any different to them.

17 September, 2008 15:42

 
Anonymous Moose said...

For Sale - Below ground one bedroom flat with off road parking

17 September, 2008 16:14

 
Anonymous XTP said...

Hate to be a grouch but I assume the occs were OK and didn't need to go to hospital? Oh - and there go you counties with your state codes! Bless

17 September, 2008 17:09

 
Anonymous Jon said...

With the loss of another car, response officers will now be attending calls on foot. "We do not expect this to impact our ability to meet the targets set for timely and effective emergency response," said spokesman WPC Bloggs.

17 September, 2008 18:09

 
Anonymous ginnersinner said...

The Met considers changing recovery agents after a flat tyre ends up costing them dear.

17 September, 2008 23:17

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The deadline for PC JONES's completed evidence portfolio to prove his ability as a Police Officer was fast approaching. After spending 2 years on foot patrol in a busy city centre with little through-traffic, PC JONES thought of an ingenious way to evidence an example of when a S.59 notice could be issued.

18 September, 2008 00:17

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

one down, four to go
dungbeetle

18 September, 2008 01:46

 
Anonymous illukar said...

Ex-Skateboarder says grind trick 'instinctual'.

18 September, 2008 09:30

 
Anonymous Dave H. said...

Met Large Hadron Collider fails sanctioned detection of Higgs boson.

18 September, 2008 10:14

 
Blogger Emily T said...

Why you should always check where you Satnav wants you to turn!

18 September, 2008 12:02

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bravo Ellie,
I always understood the funny papers. Thank goodness for a cartoon niche without the inconvenience of big words and joined-up writing.
PC Ploddyblobby

18 September, 2008 12:28

 
Anonymous weepeecee said...

Mike and Dave went to extreme lengths to avoid being spotted with their ties off

18 September, 2008 12:58

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The police were always thought to be one sided...

Flying Squad's new entry exam fails.

18 September, 2008 14:47

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh and further to my poor attempts at 18 September, 2008 14:47:

- Scientist prove pigs really can fly.


I'll get my coat.

18 September, 2008 14:51

 
Blogger uniform said...

Professional standards department given own underground car parking space by ....140,000 front line officers.

"The investigation will be proportionate and timely", said DC Back slider who went on to say that Jacqui Smith was "an outstanding Home economics teacher, er Home secretary"

18 September, 2008 16:02

 
Blogger uniform said...

or..

time served PC to first day probationer

"don't worry son/lass, you can drive at night , in a 30 ,with your side lights, aaagggghhh.

Probationer.

"your on your own with this old-timer"

18 September, 2008 16:17

 
Anonymous PT COP said...

'yes, thats area search, no trace'.

18 September, 2008 18:44

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Black Ice Guv, what at mid-day in July.

18 September, 2008 19:38

 
Blogger Hogday said...

....and another thing, Ali Desai is a crap driver.....

19 September, 2008 08:26

 
Anonymous Rural Traffic Cop said...

....there was this black dog.....

19 September, 2008 22:19

 
Anonymous Rural Traffic Cop said...

The Met's badger strikes again

19 September, 2008 22:20

 
Anonymous Rural Traffic Cop said...

As they say in the trade "come on down"

19 September, 2008 22:23

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

....honestly,i did all the required vehicle checks prior to turning out 1 minute after parade started to a grade 1.

19 September, 2008 22:52

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bugger

20 September, 2008 08:29

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its bad enough it fell in there - but now the Health & Safety people say its too dangerous to get it out!!!

21 September, 2008 00:36

 
Anonymous EJ said...

The latest attempts by PSD to silence Inspector Gadget took a scarily sinister turn...

23 September, 2008 23:31

 
Anonymous 20-1 said...

"Do you think it'll T-Cut out?"

25 September, 2008 23:07

 
Blogger Chapati said...

Londoners take drastic measures to avoid soaring parking costs

26 September, 2008 09:20

 
Anonymous Bazza said...

Sarge, just where on the activity sampling form does this go?

26 September, 2008 22:19

 
Blogger The Sween! said...

Have you been involved in accident which wasn't your fault? Then call Injury Lawyers 4 U!

28 September, 2008 09:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Police car suffers from loose nut behind the wheel....


The law of gravity is upheld...


And when you get to the bottom, stop digging?



Tony F

09 October, 2008 21:18

 
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