This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Public Disservices

I'm often being told, usually on a Friday or Saturday night in Blandmore town centre, that I am a PUBLIC SERVICE. Believe it or not, it is often hard to explain to my customers on said Friday or Saturday night, that "public" refers to society as a whole and not to each and every person's crazy requests.

No matter how drunk I have become, I cannot remember ever spending every last penny on alcohol, losing my wallet and phone, having no money at home to pay a taxi, not knowing a single friend to call, not having arranged any way to get home, and ending up sitting on the pavement at the feet of some irritated police officers begging them for a lift. Occasionally I take pity on some of these wretches at the end of the night, but only if they haven't vomited on my boots whilst waiting.

As the public expects more and more from their public services, Health & Safety and force policies are giving them less and less. Here are some things I am now advised NOT to do for the public, some more shocking than others:
  • Take people home who are injured/ill/paralytic. If they later die at home, it's my fault. It's also my fault if I leave them where they are and they die in the street.
  • Chase crooks into dangerous positions. if they fall off somewhere and die with me chasing them, it's my fault. If I fall off and die, it's my fault.
  • Force someone to have medical attention.
  • Fail to force someone to have medical attention.
  • Physical contact with victims of crime. No matter how much you need a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or an arm supporting you, I'm allowed to taser you if you try.*
  • If someone looks a bit unsanitary, it is acceptable not to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
This last one is genuinely true and is the latest First Aid guidance for paramedics and police (unless any passing paramedics would like to correct me). However, there are times when I think people have a right to expect basics from their public services, including:
There are a lot of policies that get us into and out of such situations, but ultimately it comes down to good old-fashioned commonsense. If I'm not happy doing nothing, the chances are I should be doing something.

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.

* This is an exaggeration. I would in fact have to get an Armed Response Vehicle out to administer the taser.


Blogger staghounds said...

t least they put the "L" in there for the sort of service they expect.

I can see it now-

"Attacker, just hold up right there- the Taser will be here for you in ten to eighty minutes..."

22 April, 2008 17:01

Blogger stuart said...

Cardiac only resuscitation is actually proving to be more effective than stoppin to administer breaths.
That also states that it's acceptable. Part of the theory behind it figures that pushing on the chest will force air in and out of the lungs anyway. CPR with rescue breaths should really only be administered with a face shield/mask.

I believe you aim for about 210 compressions in a cycle

22 April, 2008 17:19

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We should hunt down all the H&S (and equality) idiots and fire them. Society should be willing to accept any injury to criminals who flee police pursuit, they should also accept that they will receive less help from public services as a result. Society should also find acceptable a degree of injury to both the police and the general public that was not the result of police gross negligence. (eg dont chase car down a crowded pedestrian street filled with OAPs). Compensation should be paid to the public and the police, but liability rests with society as a whole. (A justifiable cost of criminal justice).
Criminals should be unable to claim civil damages for events that occur during the commission of criminal acts unless said event was both forseeable and the result of gross negligence. Not just negligence, but gross negligence. Criminals should continue to have human rights, but HR doesnt mean a carte blanche and they are curtailed when people commit a crime.

22 April, 2008 19:19

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

I bet Ian Wheeler's story is a load of old cobblers. His son was probably never robbed at all. He was probably pissed, lost or spent all his money and was in the poo for being late home. So he and his mate invented the old "masked gunman robbed me" nonsense to avoid a clip round the ear.

Bah humbug.

22 April, 2008 19:36

Anonymous XTP said...

I agree with Gadge! You can just imagine the righteous indignation of the father on the phone, can't you?! The "My problem just has to be MUCH bigger than anybody elses" attitude re: the response time. Mind - I'd have thought that 45 minutes in the desert that is Kent isn't too shabby!
Ellie - that yahoo answers site is mind-blowing!

22 April, 2008 21:34

Blogger TotallyUn-Pc said...

Bloggsy, I think this might be the best post you've ever written. It shows the prosterousness of our job in easy to read words.

The end! Literally!

23 April, 2008 00:13

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few years ago, the neighbour of a friend of mine, who lives in a village just outside Cambridge, was an American who, unfortunately suffered several burglaries within a fairly short period. The burglar(s) were never caught. After a short holiday back home, he brought with him two notices which were prominently placed at the front and rear of his property. Both signs read "It will be assumed that anyone entering these premises as a trespasser is voluntarily surrendering their civil rights." After checking with the local Police officer he removed the lower part of the notice which read, "There is nothing on this property worth dying for."
For the 27 months he lived there he was not subject to any birglaries or attempts. Funny that.
Perhaps there's a lesson somewhere.

23 April, 2008 13:38

Blogger Unresponsive said...

The 'new CPR' thingy is coming soon to dead guy near you!
Get this - you'll need to have a gym membership just to get your CPR card...well, almost.

200 UNinterrupted chest compressions (yes that is 200!)
The one round of epi, a single shock and then 200 MORE uninterrupted chest compressions.

Some numbers vary according to which report you read - some say 200 - others only say 100, either way, you're looking at one heck of a work out on the hot summer sidewalk.

Otherwise, yes - please keep these kind of updates coming! The level of insanity is amazing and should also provide you with many years of entries to boot!

23 April, 2008 20:07

Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

Well, here in the US of A, cops serve as husbands, fathers, marriage counselors and psychiatrists to the underclass. If people are having trouble with Uncle Ned, who's high on crack and scaring everybody, they call the police. Then, when the cops arrive, they get scared too, and shoot Ned 50 times or so. I always ask my Black friends if they hate the police so bad why do they call them so damn often? They laugh ubncomfortably, cuz they know I'm right. The very people who hate the cops the most are the ones who need the cops the most, because they can't handle their own shit.

25 April, 2008 18:37

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