This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I am sorry to say that public opinion of the police has never been lower than it is today. Crime statistics are floundering up and down depending on what crimes you count and who you ask. The police are in deadlock with the Home Office over a pay rise that is never going to happen. Antisocial behaviour is rife and the south of England is threatened by a flood of baggage that cannot be attributed to climate change.

If you bought all that...

April Fool's!!!

I apologise for my frivolity. The first day of the new Detection Year for Blandshire Constabulary is hardly a time for jokes. A concept Gordon Brown does not seem to understand as he embraces April Fool's Day whole-heartedly.

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harriet Harperson embraced April Fool day too...

"Harriet Harman: Wearing a stab-proof vest in my constituency is the same as donning a hard hat on a building site".

These Politicians are such wags....

01 April, 2008 17:03

Anonymous Anonymous said...

And another from Gordon Brown..

"PM Gordon Brown to reveal plans for his "Policing Pledge""

Apparently as a Neighbourhood Police Office I will not continue to arrest people but instead spend my time..
(1)Beat bobbies will be ordered to ask local people which crimes they most want tackling as part of a huge shake-up in policing unveiled today
(2)Officers will then have to publish their top three priorities, their targets and say what are are doing to reach them
(3)Officers will be expected to name the troublespots of anti-social behaviour they will clear-up, accident blackspots they will target or the crimes, such as drug-dealing, that they will tackle.
(4)In regular meetings, the public will then be able to challenge their local officers if they fail to make progress

With all that bureuacracy to tackle I will just spend my time trying to "talk a good job" rather than doing one..May be excellent training for becoming a politician when I retire !!
Cheers Gords

Very impressive words from a Government that has failed in its pledge to give the people a referendum on the EU.

01 April, 2008 17:09

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We already do that asking the community for their 3 top priorities thing where I work. Guess what the current ones are for my patch. 1. Dog fouling 2. Cycling on the pavement 3. Speeding in a 20mph zone. Our area is rife with drugs, vehicle crime, violence and asb but my priority now is dog fouling. Great.

01 April, 2008 18:45

Blogger blueknight said...

My top three target crimes were genocide, possession of dogo argentinos and beating carpets in the street.
I was very succesful in preventing them too

01 April, 2008 23:48

Anonymous Anonymous said...

arer not the police in general a joke - though not amusing.

02 April, 2008 05:07

Blogger uniform said...

I thought that we could just have one day when the oldest organised law enforcement agency in the civilised world , ever ,could have one day when a toe curling , shite loads of old bollocks , would not conspire to make you feel stacking shelves would be a good idea.

I positively despise Smith, the worlds worst Home secretary, I despise the politicisation of a public service which should be left to decide its own priorities (no councillor it’s not all about speeding and dog dirt)

The crucification of the ex-Insp in Bradford for speaking the truth about ethnic forced marriages (an expert mind) makes me vomit.

I despise the political campaign required to get promoted to commander in the Met, you know of whom I speak.

02 April, 2008 10:02

Anonymous XTP said...

Yeah - it was the same where I used to work. Month on month the priorities for the locals never changed - speeding and parking, I kid you not!

So I took a laser out and stayed there till I'd whacked out 10 fixers. 8 were to people who lived within 2 miles!

02 April, 2008 10:08

Anonymous LD420 said...

We have the same in our area for Neighbourhood Specialist Officers (one of my best friends is an NSO). Of course the area has its fair share of vehicle crime, drugs etc, but when the NSOs ask people what the priorities should be in their neighbourhood, they come back with the same sorts of "priorities" as anon 18:45 stated.

I'm not entirely sure of the reason for this. Perhaps the public don't really understand the role of an NSO? Does anyone have any ideas?

The NSOs also already to the regular meeting thing, along with the one or two PCSOs posted in their areas (maybe the public are getting confused between the powers of an NSO and a PCSO?).

Apparently almost everything that is in the "huge shake-up in policing" mentioned above is already done in my force, apart from the publishing bit, i.e. every part of it is not put into a little report which no one in the area really wants to read anyway. The force's website has pages for each area which the NSO regularly updates anyway.

Rather than having meetings to "challenge" police officers on why any targets haven't been met, there should be more opportunity for the public to challenge Brown and ask him why he is wasting time telling police officers how to do their jobs when he has no experience of working in the police himself.

It's interesting how he has included a part to his plan which means the police will get blamed if it goes wrong, and not the Government...

02 April, 2008 11:36

Anonymous Jeff Wood said...

XTP, spot on.

About twenty years ago, after a spate of complaints and a petition, our local force mounted a drive on speeding in and around our very small town.

In a couple of weeks, they nailed twenty or thirty speeders.

Let me finish...OK, you guessed it: every last one was a local, and about half had signed the petition.

Be careful what you wish for.

02 April, 2008 13:17

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speeding's not an issue for me where I live, but I have to say that, as a grown man, if it was and I signed a petition to get something done about it and then got pinged myself I would take it on the chin.
It might be mildly irritating, of course, if I was pinged for 45 in a 40 during the day, while yobs in hot hatches were doing 70 up and down the road at 2am and not being touched.
Round our way, there's very little crime at all, actually. That doesn't stop me reading the blogs and books because a) I sympathise with people who live in higher crime areas and b) I can see it drifting out towards me, ever so slowly, and I'd like it stopped asap.
The only thing preventing the criminals coming our way is their own indolence; I have absolutely no faith whatsoever that our local force would do anything about it if they did (despite just whacking a further 12% on my council tax). As always, this is not so much a criticism of the coppers - the poor bloody infantry - as the people who set their priorities.
One thing I would like - zero tolerance of loud-mouthed, drunken, aggressive people in our town centres of an evening.

02 April, 2008 15:04

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It appears that someone from North Wales Police has been to Australia. Last year was driving along a dual carriageway towards Melbourne and stopped in a country town for a break and a coffee. Overheard two blokes at the next table talking about "Those bastards down the road with a trailer at one end and a speed camera at the other." So now, if you're driving anywhere near Heathrow and see a load of suitcases piled up at the side of the road, take care as there could well be a couple of "Safer Roads Partnership" twonks hidden inside them with a camera. How come they're never out when it's raining, snowing, before 07.00 hrs or after 19.00 hrs? Doesn't anyone speed at those times or could it be that they're only allowed to work during civilised hours or in conditions which don't affect their 'uman rites'?

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