This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Friday, April 04, 2008

A Tale of No Intelligence

In the old days... (circa 2000)

It is a dark Blandmore night. At 2am, on Green Lane, Billy-Bob Jojo, the local car thief, is cruising for likely targets. He spots a BMW with a mobile phone abandoned on the dashboard. He breaks the window, grabs the phone, makes good his escape. Nobody hears the glass break. Seeing a police car approaching, Billy-Bob hides the phone under a wheelie bin.

Around the corner, PC Bloggs is cruising round for some burglars. At 2am, she spots Billy-Bob Jojo sauntering along Green Lane and stops him. He is searched, she gives him a piece of paper telling him why, and finding nothing, lets him go on his way.


The piece of paper is logged on the local intelligence system and PC Bloggs sends out an email telling everyone that Billy-Bob Jojo is back in the area lurking around the estate at night.


The following day, a BMW owner reports a break-in to his car on Green Lane. Police attend and an officer is allocated to investigate. He finds a neighbour who saw someone running away from the car at 2am. Receiving PC Bloggs' email, the officer retrieves her piece of paper and uses it as evidence to put Billy-Bob at the scene of the crime. He is arrested, his house searched, and there is a small chance that the stolen phone and some glass fragments are recovered from his house or clothing, identifying him as the thief.



Circa 2008...

It is a dark Blandmore night. At 2am, on Green Lane, Billy-Bob Jojo, the local car thief, is cruising for likely targets. He spots a BMW with a mobile phone abandoned on the dashboard. He breaks the window, grabs the phone, makes good his escape. Nobody hears the glass break. Seeing a police car approaching, Billy-Bob hides the phone under a wheelie bin.


Around the corner, PC Bloggs is cruising round for some burglars. At 2am, she spots Billy-Bob Jojo sauntering along Green Lane and stops him. He is searched, she gives him a piece of paper telling him why, and finding nothing, lets him go on his way.


The piece of paper enters the Area Intelligence office, now based at Charl nick due to centralisation. The Charl local intelligence officer quality-assures the piece of paper and finds that PC Bloggs has left out the box designating whether it was dark or light at 2am. The piece of paper goes back in the internal mail to PC Bloggs.


PC Bloggs, meanwhile, is not allowed to send out an email warning everyone of Billy-Bob's arrival in Blandmore, as it would be in breach of data-handling rules. She has to wait for Area Intelligence to decide whether or not to circulate the information to all officers. Three days later, she receives her erroneous piece of paper and corrects the shocking mistake, re-submitting it to Intelligence.


In the meantime, the morning after the theft, the BMW owner reports his crime. It is "screened" by a civilian call-taker, who designates it a "C-crime". This means there is no hope of ever finding an offender. The caller is given his crime reference number, no officer is ever sent, and the job is filed.


Now a week since the night, the Area Intelligence officer quality-assures PC Bloggs' piece of paper for a second time. Having been in prison, Billy-Bob Jojo is not on the list of priority offenders. Nor is Green Lane a particularly problem area for auto crime. As nothing was found on Billy-Bob, this makes it a poor quality and pathetic effort by PC Bloggs, possibly even illegal, and the piece of paper goes in a file in case Billy-Bob makes a complaint. It is never logged on the system, and may even be thrown in the bin.


Two weeks following the theft, the Area C-Crime Collator discovers a trend of auto-crime emerging in the Green Lane area. He applies to Area Intelligence to have an email sent out to officers, and another week after that, officers are advised to step up their patrols on Green Lane.


Billy-Bob Jojo turns his attentions to Blue Lane, and the BMW owner buys a CCTV camera for the outside of his house.


We really are our own worst enemy sometimes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.

23 Comments:

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

c. 2008 (cont'd)

On the next night, PC Bloggs catches Billy Bob breaking into another BMW and arrests him. In his pocket is some more stolen property from previous nights crimes. Billy Bob says nothing in interview and is immediately bailed. He turns up at Court and pleads guilty to three thefts from BMW's. He is sentenced to 60 hours community service (deferred until his third child is born in three months time) and discharged from the Court. He lied about the child. The next night, a police patrol hears the sound of breaking glass etc etc ad infinitum.

04 April, 2008 19:45

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

brilliant post bloggsy
says it all

04 April, 2008 21:05

 
Blogger blueknight said...

c1987
It is a dark Blandmore night. At 2am, on Green Lane, Billy-Bob Jojo, the local car thief, is cruising for likely targets. He spots a BMW with a new cassette player in the dashboard. He breaks the window, tears out the cassette player and makes good his escape. Nobody hears the glass break. Seeing a police car approaching, Billy-Bob hides the player under a wheelie bin.
Around the corner, PC Bloggs is cruising round for some burglars. At 2am, she spots Billy-Bob Jojo sauntering along Green Lane and stops him. He is searched, but she DOES NOT NEED to give him a piece of paper telling him why,finding nothing, dhe lets him go on his way.
She submits an intel. form that night. It is not checked or quality controlled. It goes straight to the Collators and is on their desk for the next morning. The collators, all PCs with several hundred years service between them know the details of every single local criminal, their addresses, MOs, and associates. After all they dealt with most of them when they were on the street. As soon as the collator reads the name Billy-Bob Jojo, he thinks 'car crime'.
When the collators type up the daily bulletin, Billy-Bob Jojo is on the top of the sheet with the details of when and where he was seen. The details finish with the words. 'Well known for theft from MV. If seen late at night loitering near parked vehicles he is most likely well at it'
The daily bulletin is sent out to all the local Police Stations in time for the late shift and night shifts and this tells everyone that Billy-Bob Jojo is back in the area lurking around the estate at night.
The following day, a BMW owner reports a break-in to his car on Green Lane. Police attend and an officer is allocated to investigate. He finds a neighbour who saw someone running away from the car at 2am. Based on the info on the daily bulletin that puts Billy-Bob at the scene of the crime. He is arrested, his house searched, and there is a small chance that the stolen cassette player and some glass fragments are recovered from his house or clothing, identifying him as the thief.
There is, so he is charged and bailed to appear in Court in 5 days. The Bench think there is too much of this going on and it is not the first time that BBJJ has done something like that - The Bench ask for a Social Enquiry report which means he is going to go down....

04 April, 2008 22:34

 
Anonymous time warp said...

Can we go back to c1987 please, i like the sound of it!

05 April, 2008 00:08

 
Blogger virtual said...

Ah, you are forgetting to factor in the ongoing work to ensure that the contracts for airwaves contain clauses to permit investment into maintenance, repair and upgrades, these can take months to implement, tenders alone can take weeks as the procurement office deliberate over choices, factors, additions, alteration, key structures, media.

At our HQ we have additional staff to ensure that all the Procurement employees are capable of providing resilience, that they are in accordance with the framework structure and have ample meeting places, laptops, mobile phones, parking places. These key info-structural resources are critical additional resources that have to be in place so that PC Blogs can have the very best of equipment available in order to gain rapid enhancement of information and to be able to call for assistance, information, advice, references at anytime while on the beat.

Our New HQ has an excellent restaurant, meeting rooms, intranet and other facilities. (sun deck for those warm days, fresh fruit available for better dieting, welfare centre, quiet rooms, chapel and provides resources such as dry cleaning, car valeting, Internet Cafe, media centre) and we exist to support of PC Bloggs as the officer creates a safer county in which the residents feel safer.

Our world in Procurement is stressful with endless meetings, even meetings to agree when meetings are to be met, meetings to describe the meeting content, and meetings to decide who should attend the meetings. It’s a good job we have a Meetings Supervisor who can juggle all these facets. We don't need to worry if she is on leave or off sick with stress as her logistics assistant can cope in her absence, (that includes purchasing flowers for her to welcome her back and enable her return to work to be less stressful).

We don't have to re-invent the wheel here, as we can get to visit Avon and Somerset and meet our opposite numbers, Hire Car down on Monday afternoon, overnight hotel, meeting in Bristol, overnight stay to complete notes and to enable networking, exchanging knowledge, meal, gaining experience from past meetings, then the long drive home on Wednesday afternoon. The following week we may have to travel to Cumbria, then week three as we prepare to build the procurement Tender Proposition, we may have to go to the Met, I hope we do as I have friends there and a three day stopover in order to attend the meetings will be a warm and welcome opportunity, shame it will eat up the whole week.

But we do this in order to ensure that our purchase is valid, that we have the right suppliers at the best price with the best contract to ensure that PC Bloggs gets the right equipment that functions as the supplier describes within the tolerances agreed by the ACPO Steering committee.

We know we are on the right track here as our County has a limited budget and we have to ensure that all purchases over 3000 GBP are met by tender to ensure that we get value for money.

Written By: Virtual Supply

05 April, 2008 09:18

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We really are much more efficient these days and we have the reams of stats and reports to prove it. Early 90s each division had a divisional clerk and assistant. CI staff officer with cop as assistant. Sgt in charge of admin dept.
2008 civilians employed to do same jobs that staff officer covered along with SMT. Admin Manager, Personnel Manager, Resource Manager,Communications manager all on 30-35k. Assistants on 25-30k and numerous clerks on 10-14k.
By my calculations we are paying at least 280k per year per division instead of roughly 100k under the old system. Talk about efficiency savings! Semper Vigilo.

05 April, 2008 12:01

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Early 90's you did not have the flood of Modern technology providing leads, clues and complaints about crime that you are fortunate to have these days.
Now Police Officers are very well paid and it is a little unfair on the tax payer to have them hanging around control rooms and the like being dreadfully inefficient, we have pledged to put police officers on the beat solving crime, and let the different skilled Civilian Staff take over the desk bound jobs, freeing you up to do the job you joined up to do. Catching criminals, deterring crime, policing the roads and generally reducing crime.


I know some of todays officers would like to solve crimes and reduce the effect of crime, and i know too of some officers that really rather enjoy sitting at a desk in some office lording away the taxpayers money as though they were dutifully entitled to it.

There is good and bad in all walks of life, but in my view, police officers have a need to be good at policing, not desk sitting.

05 April, 2008 14:10

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There were no wheelie bins in '87.

05 April, 2008 16:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

2009 - Bobbie says Jobs Fucked and goes to Canada.

05 April, 2008 16:14

 
Anonymous US Detective Sergeant said...

Glad to see that Billy Bob made his way from the States to the UK.

Alas, he was replaced by SODDI. aka: Some Other Dude Done It.

05 April, 2008 21:20

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

c1975
It is a dark Blandmore night. At 2am, on Green Lane, Billy-Bob Jojo, the local car thief, is cruising for likely targets. He spots a BMW with a new cassette player in the dashboard. He breaks the window, tears out the cassette player and makes good his escape. Nobody hears the glass break. Seeing a police car approaching, Billy-Bob hides the player under a dust bin.
Around the corner, PC Bloggs is cruising round for some burglars. At 2am, she spots Billy-Bob Jojo sauntering along Green Lane and stops him. Knowing his form and as its past law abiding folks bedtime he gets arrested for going equipped and taken to the nick. BBJ knows that he must be good because if he upsets the Station Officer Sgt 'Whacker' Payne he will regret it!
She sits down in the canteen with a cup of tea and writes out BBJ's confession which after a brief interview with DC Nutter the duty CID man BBJ remembers the BMW and all the other jobs he has done. BBJ is off to court and gets remanded in custody and when he appears in front of the local bench gets a decent stretch. (The bench comment that they are sure they have seen those house breaking implements before and hope they don't see those particular ones again.) The collators, all PCs with several hundred years service between them know the details of every single local criminal, their addresses, MOs, and associates. They along with the Supt are well pleased with Pc Bloggs. BBJ is back where he belongs.
Those were the days........ where did it all go wrong?

05 April, 2008 22:10

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Last anon - wrong.
In 1975 PC Bloggs would be inside making all the policemen a nice cup of tea while they went out catching criminals.

06 April, 2008 01:17

 
Anonymous DC Skelton said...

c1973-
It is a dark Blandmore night. At 2am, on Green Lane, Billy-Bob bollocks, the local car thief, is cruising for likely targets. He spots a BMW with a new cassette player in the dashboard. He breaks the window, tears out the cassette player and makes good his escape.

Only thing is, screeching round the corner comes a mk 2(or is it 3) cortina. Inside is Raymondo, Gene Hunt and some travelling pc prat from 2006, Sam Tyler. Out gets Raymondo and the Gene Genie.

Billy bollocks stops in his tracks 'come here you man united supporting puff' orders hunt. Over comes billy bollocks. Raymondo and Gene proceed to kick the shit out of him. Take him back to the nick and kick another 10 lots of shit out of him. 'Lovely' says Gene and Raymondo agrees before slinging the no mark in the cells. 'You can't do that' says Sam Tyler 'its not procedure'. 'Piss off you politically correct vichy cop twat with your bollocks procedure' says Gene, and Raymondo, agreeing totally with DCI Hunt gives tyler a good slapping!

Life on Mars, wish I was!

06 April, 2008 01:26

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An excellent post.....

You have highlighted how a policing tool - the stop search form - has been hi-jacked by the performance lobby and utilised for their own purposes.

Policing now plays second fiddle to performance monitoring...aka...the tail is now wagging the dog...the lunatics are now running the asylum...the ar** is now controlling the body

06 April, 2008 13:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so true......

06 April, 2008 15:13

 
Anonymous Rural Traffic Cop said...

You missed the bit about the CPS not prosecuting - because no one saw him do it!!

I had a "Billy Bob" break in to an Escort, break off the steering lock and the only reason he never took the car was because he got spooked - charge of attempt theft vehicle - NO!! A charge of vehicle interferance.

Great blog

06 April, 2008 19:34

 
Anonymous kingmagic said...

Brilliant post...I quite liked 1987, then I read 1978, then I read 1973!

Lets go back to the Bow Street Runners and deal out some proper justice! (Not meant as sarcasm by the way!)

Keep up the good fight...Kingmagic

06 April, 2008 21:10

 
Anonymous Sue said...

what about going back to 1970 something when this BB numpty was a juvi just starting out on his chosen career path of criminal behaviour, and when the constabulary of Blandshire could screech the cortina to a halt, jump out and scrag this tweeb by the scruff of the neck and frog march him back to some lawabiding parents who would then frog march him while clipping his ears on route to his bedroom.......another brilliant post!!!

07 April, 2008 09:41

 
Anonymous metcountymounty said...

Everything beofre 1984 was great. then came along PACE!!!

07 April, 2008 10:47

 
Anonymous TheBinarySurfer said...

Ah the joys of PACE etc.

What i don't get is why the stats (sorry, home) office are so bothered about detections and reporting of info/quality management - they just lie at the years end to make the figures fit anyway!

It's like a marathon runner skipping running the whole thing only to cheat at the finish line. Why do it? If you're going to fiddle statistics ([cough] home office [cough]) do it properly at least!

07 April, 2008 13:28

 
Blogger 成人 said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 美女交友,

嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片,

愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,

03 April, 2009 21:14

 
Blogger look said...

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

15 April, 2009 02:33

 
Blogger liwo said...

爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性, 做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇,

免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真,

15 April, 2009 10:27

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

 

View My Stats
eXTReMe Tracker