This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Friday, February 15, 2008

That's The Way...

More magistrates like Australian Michael Frederick please.

Here is an example of his summing up:

“You’re a druggie and you’ll die in the gutter. That’s your choice... I don’t believe in that social worker crap. You abuse your mother and cause her pain. You can choose to be who you are. You can go to work. Seven million of us do it whilst fourteen million like you sit at home watching Days of Our Lives smoking your crack pipes and using needles and I’m sick of you sucking us dry."

He concluded, "It’s your choice to be a junkie and die in the gutter. No one gives a shit, but you’re going to kill that woman who is your mother, damn you to death.”

Of course, he had to apologise for the remarks later, but I bet it was worth it.

In honour of his wisdom, I would like to suggest a Telling It As It Is Day for the criminal justice system. Police officers could stop motorists with the words, "You weren't going much over the speed limit, and the road's empty, but you're a total dickhead so I'm going to stick you on anyway." Custody sergeants could accept prisoners with the phrase, "I'm sick to the back teeth of your ugly face and I hope you DO hang yourself in the cells today." And our long-suffering CPS lawyers could write on files, "Not another pile of crap from PC Meeting-My-Arrest-Target Davies. If this case went to court every day for a million years we wouldn't convict anyone on this pathetic, half-literate statement. Get out and don't come back until you've arrested a murderer."

Meanwhile, we might hear in court such summing-up phrases as: "If you think that having a girlfriend and a half-arsed job making sandwiches in your cousin's shop excuses the fact that you stamped on a schoolboy's head three times, you are a jumped-up cretin. You are hereby sentenced to 4 years in the slammer and I plan to write a personal letter to the prison governor requesting you are put in a cell with Big Jack McDaddy."

Sadly, here in Britain we're stuck with the likes of Judge Tim Stead.

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have wondered for years when we were going to get the offence of: "Driving like a w***er".

Unfortunately, so called "Safety cameras" only pick up speeding motorists, not all the phone users, make up while they drive artists or drive with kiddy on lap etc...


15 February, 2008 22:53

Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

Very strange day. Am I mad, in a coma or just back in time? I have done what you asked, check your job email.

15 February, 2008 23:40

Anonymous Antipodean said...

Be careful what you wish for:,22606,16646196-2682,00.html

16 February, 2008 09:47

Blogger blueknight said...

We had a detective who had a habit of telling it like it is. He would regularly submit statements that contained swearwords. His swear words. If he called the suspect a w@nker, or told him to F@ck off that is what he would put in his statement. On one occasion he had to give evidence against one of the local villians and having taken the oath he pointed to the defendant and said "That man is a liar and a thief". There were a few gasps of 'you can't say that', but the 'tec repiled, "I can, I just swore to tell the truth"
On another occasion there ws a remand hearing and in those days the Officer had to give evidence as to why the prisoner should be remanded in custody or what bail condits he should have. There were 4 defendants and he wanted to have 3 of them on strict bail conditions and the 4th in custody. the tension was building in the Court and the friends and family of the 4th man began to get rowdy when they realised what was to happen. The 'tec only managed to say that the prisoner was a 'bad man' before the public gallery erupted into chaos. Once order was restored, the Bench asked the 'tec, 'You say he is a bad man, what do you mean by that? Well, said the 'tec, You've only got to look at his family....

16 February, 2008 10:05

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

I was gaolering a while back and I read a statement from a firearms officer for one of the bods in custody. He put something along the lines of "once my collegue had arrested the short aggressive male a taller white male from the group approached me. I would describe him as a grubby student looking male, much like the character 'neil' from the television program 'The young Ones'

My face hurt for a while after reading that, especially when he come out of the cell to consult with his solicitor who afterwards said to the custody Sergeant "i can't f&cking stand it when these students call me 'dude' all the bloody time"

16 February, 2008 11:24

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is more like it , also put in your statement a long diatribe against the magistrate , and how if released they said they would do it again .

16 February, 2008 12:46

Blogger Rob said...

Similar situation to me a few weeks ago. Doing a special duty at the all night movie showing. 700 kids and 2 coppers. To their credit we only had to throw out one. As he was leaving he yells out "your just picking on me cause I'm black." I reply, "No I am picking on you because you're acting like an arsehole."

He then turns to stomp off and falls off the gutter and takes his girlfriend down with him.

17 February, 2008 09:53

Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Unfortunately, so called "Safety cameras" only pick up speeding motorists, not all the phone users, make up while they drive artists or drive with kiddy on lap etc...'

David 22:53

And a police man giving the thumbs up on a way to a job. Driving like a w***er indeed!

18 February, 2008 08:36

Blogger Bystander said...

I'm saving it all up for the week before I retire. It's nt for a while yet, but it will be worth waiting for.

18 February, 2008 20:10

Blogger ba ba said...

Hey, I bet you laugh at this video of a police dog messing up big time, tee hee.

18 February, 2008 20:44

Blogger ba ba said...

This ones pretty tough though;

18 February, 2008 21:06

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back in history (pre PACE) when nicking the scrotes, we often added to the caution "and what will the magistrates think of you?". The almost unprintable replies were then written in pocketbooks and statements. It was always a delight in court to be asked by the prosecutor "and what did the accused say when you cautioned him?" as you replied "he said the magistrates are a f@cking bunch of useless w@nkers". Usually guaranteed a custodial for the repeat offenders.

18 February, 2008 21:31

Blogger Howard Wilson said...

Give me Judge Stead any day rather than that ranting right wing Aussie!

19 February, 2008 14:47

Anonymous Constable Bloggs said...

Regardless of his apparent sexual misconduct, I totally agree. We all need better magistrates, especially ones that tell it like it is and take no shit.

Our local magistrate is pretty good, he will call a grub a grub and back us up when the grubs get up on the stand and make vivacious complaints trying to get off.

21 February, 2008 08:59

Blogger Drugsblogger said...

Do you think, if we had a TILIIS day civilians could say to Judges? You have no conception of addiction or of drug use. As a result you don't deserve to pass sentence on them...... Please can I go now judge and not be sent down for contempt?

21 February, 2008 16:38

Anonymous Anonymous said...

TLLII Day needn't only be about law enforcement

How about the checkout at the supermarket: "You have just purchased 40000 calories for the week and I bet that doesn't include your lunches or your booze after work."

Or schools: "Your child will never be top of the class, have you considered encouraging them to take up football because that's the only legal way they'll make any money"

I like the idea.

I've tagged you for a meme, by the way, about food. I'm interested in PC food :)

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