Don't blame it on the sunshine:

I am pleased to see the government taking my ideas seriously this week. Just a few days ago I pointed out the importance of finding someone to blame for every mistake, and today I read that there is to be an Inquiry into whose fault all this rain is.

It used to be simple: it was always the Weather-man's fault.

However in the Twenty-First Century we have moved on from this banal kind of finger-pointing. We now back up such claims with at least 3000 pages of proof and spend a great deal of money in the process.

You can never hold too many Inquiries, and I would like to see proper investigations not only into the rain, but into the sunshine, fog and those days when it just drizzles a bit. We have been practicing this policy in the world of law enforcement for decades, and we are almost at the happy stage where every criminal investigation can become subject to a public inquiry if one of the parties to it is not satisfied with the outcome.

The best part of government Inquiries is when the report is printed and no one agrees with its conclusions. We are then able to Blame our problems on the Boogie, content that we have exhausted all possible alternatives.

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