This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


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Saturday, May 26, 2007

Call 999 - everyone else is...

For some reason this is news on Yahoo.co.uk. Sadly, in Blandmore, the story of a young girl asking the police for help because she was told to tidy her room is pretty much par for the course. Some recent 999 calls I was asked to attend spring to mind:

1. Caller: "My son is missing. I think he's in the garden shed."

2. Old man: "I've just been burgled. They've taken that stereo over there."
PC Bloggs: "That one there?"
Old man: "Yes."

3. "My nine-year-old child is outside emptying the rubbish all over the pavement and he won't listen to me."

You will be pleased to hear that incident number 1 was solved by the brilliant brainwave of going to look in the garden shed. It only goes to show the validity of my TIT for locating missing persons: ask the caller where the person is.

I confess I refused to attend number 3, but unfortunately the Crime Centre had already crimed it as Littering, Child Protection and Domestic, and put it under my collar number. I am expecting the email complaining about the way I dealt with it any day now.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

9 Comments:

Blogger Busy said...

I hope you completed the missing person forms before you looked in the shed.

These enquiries have to be methodical you know or something might be missed.

What's the point of blundering around finding him when you haven't even asked what his sexual orientation is yet?

Bloggs, I despair!

26 May, 2007 13:56

 
Blogger Busy said...

By the way, you've got to love their thoroughness.
They actually went back to check the room had been cleaned!
Excellent.

26 May, 2007 13:58

 
Blogger ReallyEvilCanine said...

Idiots. Don't they know that 911/999 calls are for real emergencies?

28 May, 2007 14:49

 
Blogger BelfastPeeler said...

Had a guy who's door was "forced" to gain entry after his wife called 999.

She was fine, just drunk and wanted him taken away. Hah.

but despite being left the details of how to get the door repaired and claim the money, he called 999 repeatedly to demand Police come and fix his door right away....

29 May, 2007 10:46

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This morning at 0615 we had a 999 from a man reporting a hanoi- someone had just stolen his car from his drive. We all shot out down the main arterial routes out of town in the pising rain at 90mph trying to cut off any escape routes. Ten minutes later he rings back - "oh I'm sorry, I've just realised, my wife's taken the car to work."
Rather than deal with him for wasting police time, to save on paperwork we went round to his house and beat him to death.

29 May, 2007 17:16

 
Blogger Bitseach said...

Number 3 you should just screen straight in for the local Safer Neighbourhoods Team. We "dudes in the 'hoods" deal with this crap just about all the time! :o(

...but then there's the tea..... :o)

30 May, 2007 21:09

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We have a lovely slightly mental alcoholic in our division who calls 999 so that she can sing to the call handlers.

31 May, 2007 22:39

 
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