Stress fractures...

The Twenty-First Century is marvellous. With the introduction of terms such as Post-Traumatic Stress and Mental Health, we have left the dark days of the 20th Century behind us. Whereas we used to shoot people who got scared by traumatic sights, now we just laugh at them and kick them out of hospital. Thank goodness we've moved on.

It is not just soldiers who now receive exemplary psychological care. Police officers too are kept healthy in body and mind by a variety of modern measures. It used to be that genuinely stressed officers would suffer in silence until they finally cracked. This problem has been completely erradicated with the introduction of Stress Leave.

It works on a simple three-step process:

• The officer identifies to his/her sergeant that he/she is STRESSED.
• Fearing a law-suit, the sergeant refers said officer to OCCUPATIONAL HEALTH.
• Fearing a law-suit, OCC HEALTH sign the officer off SICK until they announce that they are feeling better.

During Stress Leave, the officer's emotional and mental needs are catered for by a team of one nurse who sends caring emails to their work address on a weekly basis. When the officer feels able to return to work, they do so after the mandatory month-long period allotted for dithering. They will be allowed a post in whichever department they feel is least stressful and can choose which working hours are least likely to bring on a relapse.

As you can see, now that officers have this tremendous support structure in place and there is no stigma at all attached to using it, their mental health is fully protected.

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