This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Station Stereotypes... DVU:

Sandra works in the Domestic Violence Unit (DVU) at Blandmore Police Station. In recent years Domestic Violence has received widespread media attention, so naturally this hallowed department is the epitome of efficiency and professionalism. It is manned by highly-trained, motivated career officers who put victim care at the heart of their day-to-day work and have gone through a rigorous selection process to get there. You would think.

Sandra's main responsibility is to read the risk assessments filled in by response officers (myself) at the scene of domestic incidents, and to decide whether or not she assesses the risk to be the same level of risk that the response officer has assessed it to be. She then phones the victim and fills in a secondary risk assessment with several more questions that the response officer was not trained how to ask. Sometimes Sandra dispatches Social Services or locksmiths to the aid of her victims, and on increasingly regular occasions she identifies that the attending officer (myself) has not arrested someone that Sandra feels should have been arrested. She can then take immediate remedial action in the form of a rude email asking the officer to arrest the person. Sandra is not allowed to visit victims personally nor arrest anybody because, as is one of the prerequisites for joining DVU, Sandra is PREGNANT, and therefore a HEALTH AND SAFETY RISK.


In fact, there is only one member of DVU who is not pregnant at Blandmore, and he is the sergeant.

You are probably thinking that it is a pretty poor criterion for such an important job, merely to be pregnant. You do Blandshire Constabulary an injustice, as it does not discriminate simply on this basis: the applicants also have to be female, in their first three years of service and unqualified for any other job. Under such circumstances, few departments could be expected to house these sad wretches, struck down by the blight of pregnancy before they can map out a promising career path. Enter DVU.

Sandra will be there for a few months before she has the baby, whereupon another unfortunate will no doubt be shoved into her place. Fortunately, as all these poor cretins are female, they are anyway ultimately destined for a life of sitting at a desk, making phonecalls and thinking about darling babies, so the sooner they get the idea of career prospects out of their pretty little heads the better.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

11 Comments:

Blogger Whichendbites said...

Well most Forces have the health & safety of the pregnant officers at heart with policies that guard their arses. I think itis referred to as a duty of care. As soon as the test changes colour its off to non-operational land. This seems to be in opposition from the 'positive' efforts to get more female officers into the job. I've dismissed the open term of officers in this case as only so many officers are able to get pregnant. Funnily enough its only the female officers. Trouble is when any of this sort of subject gets discussed the discrimination storm clouds blow in over the horizon and sensible discussion goes out of the window. How many female officers actually want to be removed from front line duties when the test changes colour ? Lots of them actually enjoy this and moving to some preceived cushy desk is the last thing on their mind, certainly for a few months anyway. I'm sure there are some benefits for their Force in there somewhere, if only we all could see the bigger picture. Nevermind officer bloggs, the ladies can return back to work as soon as the maternity timeclock has elapsed and have a positive input into their continued career at their Force, discuss suitable working time arrangements to fit around their childcare arrangements whilst everyone else goes on as normal, reassured and safe in the knowledge that their Force fully supports part time or flexible shifts. Duty of care ? Whats all that about then ? Test result changing colour or only 2 officers out there on nights ?

25 March, 2007 20:59

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws

Enjoy.

Gonorr

25 March, 2007 21:21

 
Anonymous LoneSniper said...

'Anonymous' I think you watched the same Ch4 program as me last night :-) Seeing those old Harry Enfield sketches was great. YouTube are full of them.

Women do need to know their place.

25 March, 2007 22:33

 
Blogger PC South West said...

I often see the male half of our DVU in the town in civvies doing a bit of shopping.
Sometimes he even ventures out of the ivory tower in which he looks out at the uniform scum below. To deliver a request for one of us to attend an address with extreme urgency due to a vulnerable female who must be seen.
We all know our place!!

26 March, 2007 00:01

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a bit harsh there, Bloggs! Almost every cop I see on the streets seems to be female. Admittedly, only passing by in their cars.
Dickiebo

26 March, 2007 10:23

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See plenty of Specials about (now made as difficult to distinguish from Regulards as possible).

Seen loads of these pretend Specials - sorry Community Support officers.

Don't see many real police officers these days....

xFuzz

26 March, 2007 12:32

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'...there is only one member of the DVU who is not pregnant ... and he is the sergeant.' What are they getting up to in that office or is it something in the water?

26 March, 2007 15:18

 
Anonymous inspector gadget said...

Clearly, you work at the same nick as me.

29 March, 2007 18:09

 
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