Think of the children!

We have miserably failed our children. When I say "we", I of course mean the government, schools, the police, social services and prisons. By no means should "we" be taken to include mothers or fathers.

I can tell you there is no lack of appreciation for children in the homes of Blandmore. Only last week I went to the home of Ryan Collins to berate him for a jolly egg-throwing lark in the aisles of the local Co-op, and I can tell you that his mother was fully supportive of every one of her son's actions. She even went so far as to order me out of her house for her dear boy's protection - now that is love.

And so, the question we have to ask ourselves is how best to address this situation and offer our nation's blessed young the nurture and affection they deserve. Tony Blair has wracked his brains for years and come up with some cracking ideas so far, such as government nannies, city academies and Child Protection. I on the other hand have thought for two seconds about the subject and have come up with the following solution: Drugs.

For an explanation, see here.

I see no other way to produce fine British youngsters with a sense of pride and loyalty to their nation and elders, short of moving somewhere like this:











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