This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


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Monday, February 05, 2007

A great big TIT.

A reader has sent me this story. The essence of it is that the victim of a mugging got her phone returned by texting "I don't blame you" to the mugger.

This heralds the return of my Terrific Investigating Technqiues. As followers of my TITs will know, I recommend a victim-based approach to investigating. Namely, that you get the victim to do most of the investigating. In the case of a mugging, or "robbery" if you want to be technical, I will undertake the following immediate actions to apprehend the rascal:
  • Ask the victim what the offender's name is.
  • Ask the victim where the offender lives.
  • Ask the victim if there is any CCTV.
  • Get the victim to identify the offender from a group of possibles.
  • Get the victim to ask his buddies and neighbours if they saw anything.
  • Tell the victim to call me if he finds out who the offender is.
  • Subtly suggest to the victim that if he phones/texts the offender off his own back it might bypass the need for an inspector's authority and a three month wait.
  • Seize the victim's clothing.
  • Seize all the victim's belongings.
  • Take the victim's DNA.
  • Take photographs of the victim.
  • Make the victim subject to a medical examination.
As you can see from the above, in Equal Britain the police treat our victims exactly the same as the offenders. That way we cannot be accused of favouritism.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

5 Comments:

Blogger McNoddy said...

Round these parts we'd probably have to lift the complainer for harassing the accused and breaching the Telecommunications Act.

Touching story though!

I can see a whole new form of press releases imploring the poor, downtrodden masses to unburden themselves.

05 February, 2007 23:11

 
Blogger staghounds said...

NEVER suggest that a rape victim call the rapist on the telephone, on a taped line, and get him to admit his guilt.

Because the police can't use such a useful tool.

We had one once where criminal picked up a phone victim had left on the 'bus. Victim called, finder said, "I'll give it back for $50".

That's extortion, fool.

06 February, 2007 21:40

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"in Equal Britain the police treat our victims exactly the same as the offenders." Yes, no kidding, wow. I'm sure that makes people think twice (and maybe even 3 or 4 times hahaha) before reporting something.
Big Huge Tits

02 May, 2008 01:42

 
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15 April, 2009 11:55

 

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