A great big TIT.

A reader has sent me this story. The essence of it is that the victim of a mugging got her phone returned by texting "I don't blame you" to the mugger.

This heralds the return of my Terrific Investigating Technqiues. As followers of my TITs will know, I recommend a victim-based approach to investigating. Namely, that you get the victim to do most of the investigating. In the case of a mugging, or "robbery" if you want to be technical, I will undertake the following immediate actions to apprehend the rascal:

• Ask the victim what the offender's name is.
• Ask the victim where the offender lives.
• Ask the victim if there is any CCTV.
  
• Get the victim to identify the offender from a group of possibles.
• Get the victim to ask his buddies and neighbours if they saw anything.
• Tell the victim to call me if he finds out who the offender is.
• Subtly suggest to the victim that if he phones/texts the offender off his own back it might bypass the need for an inspector's authority and a three month wait.
  
• Seize the victim's clothing.
• Seize all the victim's belongings.
• Take the victim's DNA.
• Take photographs of the victim.
• Make the victim subject to a medical examination.

As you can see from the above, in Equal Britain the police treat our victims exactly the same as the offenders. That way we cannot be accused of favouritism.

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