This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

PC Bloggs Investigates... Non-Crimes.

In the past the police used to employ a lot of people called "police officers" who would go to an incident, decide whether a criminal offence had taken place and if so, arrest someone and create a crime report. These "crime reports" formed the national statistics on crime and naughty "police officers" would often pretend no crimes had happened in order to push the statistics down.

Nowadays, the system has been streamlined. We employ a lot of people called "police staff" whose job it is to take phone-calls and create a crime report for every incident. This is a taxing role and these "staff" have to use all their ingenuity to select the relevant classification for the incident, especially where no criminal offence has actually taken place. The result is that you can call Blandshire Constabulary safe in the knowledge that no matter what you originally phoned for, you will go away with a nice crime number to put on your fridge.

Today I will arrive at work to find ten "open" investigations in my name.
  • Two are thefts where nothing was stolen.
  • One is a criminal damage where no damage was caused.
  • One is a racially aggravated assault where no one got hit, no one gave a statement and no one thought it was racist apart from the member of staff creating the crime report.
  • Three are waiting to be filed because the victim never wanted them opened in the first place.
  • Two relate to incidents I never attended and have no knowledge of.
  • One is a genuine assault with an offender I have been unable to arrest because I am too busy filing the other nine.
Someone somewhere thinks that the police are fiddling the crime figures to make crime appear lower.

Maybe we've got the wrong idea, because Blandshire is doing the opposite.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

11 Comments:

Anonymous justacop said...

This made me laugh out loud it is oh so true thats the tragedy of 'amateurs' doing our job. I dealt with a job last year, racially aggravated criminal damage. I arrived to find that the basis of the racial aspect was because the victim was born in Africa! Both the victim and husband were very embarrased as they told me that the call taker decided to make it racial to be on the safe side when the victim gave her place of birth. Duh !

30 January, 2007 23:19

 
Blogger Big Fella in Blue said...

Bloggs,

its not just Blandshire unless we work in the same force!! My force crimes everything even if its obviously crap/false just in case and sometimes duplicate the crimes. Then they dont look at your workload they just fire it into your crime system, aslong as its off of theirs they are happy. Ive had crimes put into my box when on leave or they put it in just as Im going off on rest days!!

I was sent a job the other day assault in blah blah street, so i looked into it -yes, saturday night outside of a pub, right wheres the injured partys details hang on - wait a minute - INJURED PARTY REFUSED DETAILS - what the f*** am I supposed to do with this and there are no witness details. What a croc of crap.

30 January, 2007 23:40

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sometimes beggars believe what you seem to put up with down south. Policing in Scotland, we attend calls, which might be given as a racially aggravated breach for example. However if we turn up and it's not racial (or not even a crime) then we just say so and that's the end of it!

Don't get me wrong, we'll make sure we do our job but when dealing with crap, nothing beats a "no crime established, advice given" incident write-off!

30 January, 2007 23:53

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It all goes down to how closely a chief constable is following the stench emanating from the nether regions of his favourite politician.

Scottish Police forces are somewhat insulated from that requirement.

Toodlepip!

31 January, 2007 12:15

 
Anonymous sleepy said...

In my force, allegations are simply recorded, as they have to be under NCRS, but no one investigates , its then in the system unless additional verifiable information is found, ie the victim writes a statement in blood admitting they made it up or CCTV sufficiently clear to show the whole incident and an hour either side is found. You can't blame the call takers or the force it's policy that has to change.

Along with supervisors willing to cut the rubbish jobs off the officers intray - it can be done but you have to take the responsibilty and write it up correctly ----if the jobs going nowhere why waste time on it.... seems to work for me

31 January, 2007 15:03

 
Blogger PCFrankyFact said...

Lets all go to Scotland. It sounds mint.
Oh,and Bloggs. Get shot of your bloody infuriating word recognition thingy will you?
Its driving South West and me and others up the sodding wall.

31 January, 2007 16:53

 
Blogger BelfastPeeler said...

Our controllers seem to assume that because the person reporting has a name they can't pronounce that the incident was racially motived.

Treating people differently because of their perceived racial group and no other objective grounds; there's a word for that isn't there?

And yes, referrals are the bane of my life. Sometimes a crime report and a statement will just appear in my pigeon-hole. Male assaulted by unknown assailant, no witnesses no CCTV and he wouldn't recognise them again. Riiight. Just how much detective work can I do on that..

02 February, 2007 14:50

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to shatter the illusion about all being well in Scotland, my force also have the current fetish with crime and solvency figures. As regards Racial incidents, because this has been mentioned on the original captor incident,taken at the FCC, you have to fully explain why you feel it shouldn't be treated as such when you attend. Had the great example last week where I spoke to the family of a 90 year old, getting hassled by locals using her garden as a shortcut.(years ago a public footpath ran through it). Spoke to several local youths, got the matter sorted, and then found out some other cop, not originally involved, had decided to raise a Crime Report. Brilliant!!

04 February, 2007 23:09

 
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