This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


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Sunday, January 21, 2007

Slicin' and Dicin'

What a relief! The Home Office is to be split in two. This will solve all kinds of problems:
  1. The issues causing the most media attention will now be split between two ministers, meaning that we can enjoy the drama of not one but TWO resignations next time there is a furore.
  2. The big problem of lack of communication between departments will be a thing of the past: as two separate departments, they would not be expected to communicate anyway.
  3. There will be separation of the policing from the reoffending issue - which after all are two totally unrelated matters.
  4. It will involve re-training and employing more civil servants, which I think you will agree can never be a bad thing. We wouldn't want them to get to know their job too well.
  5. It will allow for the creation of dozens of new email addresses and the opportunity for online training packages and welcome emails. These are the bread and butter of success.
The far-sighted Chief Constable of Blandshire Constabulary has over the years implemented many similar ideas which have all turned out beautifully.

For example, When the Burglary and Robbery Teams were created, CID found themselves too short-staffed to take on any GBHs, sexual offences or boring old domestics, which gave response officers like myself some great learning opportunities. This also gave rise to the opportunity to merge the Burglary and Robbery Teams into one glorious team and to create another team to deal with sexual offences and domestics. THAT team was then split in two and we are just waiting for the announcement that they have all been merged back into one Super-Special department.

The outcome of all this visionary reconstruction is plenty of highly specialised positions to tempt people away from response work, and a multitude of teams containing officers so specialised that only the rarest of offences actually falls within their remit.

Now they can all blame each other when things go wrong or, as is more usual, blame me.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The greatest arrest of all time would be the 6.30am led arrest, by PC Bloggs and her team, of Blair and his cronies for the destruction of an entire nation, our own UK, split right down the middle.

21 January, 2007 20:33

 
Blogger Paradise Driver said...

Now they can all blame each other when things go wrong or, as is more usual, blame me.

PC BLOGGS' failure to obtain and complete form JX-738a, the request for a permission form (FU-690q) to requisition an incident report (UR-906zz) in order to complete the opening of case file #07-99791076 resulted in the failure of attending investigators to take note that Humpty Dumpty had sustained serious injuries that have created a negative impression of the public for all the Crown's staff and support teams who attempted to render first (and final) aid to the late Mister Dumpty.

Accordingly, the Queen was heard to utter:

"OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

PC BLOGGS, who was on personal leave at the time of the incident, could not be reached for comment.

The Chief of Something or Other issued a statement of support for PC BLOGGS. Noting that he considers BLOGGS as one of the most responsible Con Stables in Blandsmore. He said that anytime anything was amiss, he knew that PC BLOGGS was responsible.

[wink]

21 January, 2007 21:28

 
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03 April, 2009 19:17

 

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