This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Why are we surprised?

This is nothing. I cannot understand why people are making such a fuss about bits of paper remaining on a desk for years and then being lost. Does the public not realise that leaving paper on desks is the fundamental cornerstone of British policing?

When I charge someone with an offence, I do it on a computer system. In case anyone does not know, computers can send messages to other systems to update them, saving humans time and money by not having to duplicate things. Blandshire has chosen not to adopt this cliched approach, however, and when I update the custody system with a charge, I then fill in two twelve-page booklets with identical information about the suspect (incidentally, information that I have already entered into two other computer systems when their photograph and fingerprints were done). I then leave these booklets in a TRAY and they are ferried to Headquarters where they sit on someone's desk waiting for input onto the Police National Computer.

Here is the clever bit: three weeks later I receive an email from the Inspector Responsible for Being Responsible, to demand why I have not submitted these booklets on the day of charge. I reply that I have, whereupon I am asked for documentary proof of my submission. I must now produce a Polaroid of me submitting the forms with a cheesy grin, the date clearly visible on a calendar on the wall behind my head, else I will have to redo them. Being a girl, I find it hard to remember the dates of birth, shoe sizes and lifestyle facts about each one of hundreds of prisoners I arrest and process each year, so the repeated forms tend to go in with half the information they had on the suspect the first time.

I wonder where these booklets go, as they certainly do not go onto the PNC. Perhaps someone is selling the information off as a sideline from a cushy Headquarters job. Not a bad idea...

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

By any chance do you have to also fax these forms off before they go into a tray for them to sit in a tray by the other fax awaiting collection there too

10 January, 2007 22:45

Blogger PC South West said...

Thankfully my force have now adopted the computerised anticedence forms.
We would often get a sarcastic type email asking why we had not submitted this form also. It was almost impossible to complete another without having the said scroat in front of you in order to enter his/her description, shoe size and marks and scars.

10 January, 2007 23:34

Blogger Phill said...

I used to work for Royal Mail and they had the same obsession with filling out identical forms.

If there wasn't extra paperwork then the person that deals with it (or not in the case of the Home Office) wouldn't be able to justify their employment.
Whatsmore, the jobsworth's manager wouldn't be able to justify their promotion either.

I remember seeing on the local news that the police were piloting a new 'scanner-pen' that scanned the document as you wrote it (whilst out and about) so that it could be transferred to the station electronically, thus saving you from having to return to the station or filling out duplicates.

No doubt Blandshire doesn't have this yet and even if it did they'd probably still insist on you filling it out more than once as you've said that's what you do now.

10 January, 2007 23:36

Anonymous lastsaneguy said...

Before you send the originals off to HQ why don't you photocopy them? That way when you
get the request to resend them you can copy the information from the photocopies to the new originals which you could then photocopy as well in case they got lost.

11 January, 2007 10:14

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where I'm I supposed to put all these photocopies of all the work I do.

I just used to get the description on PNC sent to me on an e-mail and fill the form in with the details already held from when they were last arrested (probably in the last month or so anyway).

11 January, 2007 11:56

Anonymous AMAR. said...

In the early 80s the Met went over to C.A.D. and M.S.S. (Computer Aided Despatch and Message Switch System) to which we were linked.

In our Communications Centre (control room) Every single MSS (email) was printed off into hard copy and filed into folders, as was every C.A.D. message.

The exact same thing was done at each divisional station.

Paper consumption went up by 1000%

Initially the "Powers That be" decided to keep the hard copies for 12 months at HQ. Within 3 months they literally ran out of room, so they decided that only the Divisions would keep paper copies.

The printout paper used was of a very poor quality and within a short period of time the paper disintegrated and any print was unintelligble.

Then the mice moved in.

They succeeded where Pc's Sgt's Insp's had failed in getting the "PTB" to see sense.

11 January, 2007 12:58

Blogger busybizzie said...

We have the same thing with crime reports. Someone decided that timely submission would be a great performance indicator since we pretty much always submit them on time so we could show 100% compliance with minimum badgering. Problem was, no one told crime desk who seem to have a shredder right under their fax. Now we have to photocopy the report and keep this just so we can prove we sent it. I did point out that you can get faxes that print receipts but people just looked at me funny then sidled away.

11 January, 2007 18:12

Blogger Black in Blue said...

Can you just please provide a corroborative statement from a colleague that says they saw you submitting the file please, and a pocket nobe book entry from yuorself, as well as photographic proof that you were both there at the time!

11 January, 2007 20:39

Anonymous southron said...

Many years ago now my bank asked me for some information, which I faxed them (keeping a fax receipt which I naively thought would protect me) - at weekly intervals, for about two months the bank then demanded the info I'd already fax receipt was simply not accepted, and all subsequent faxes were ignored...

(it's actually worse than that, as their fax was almost always "engaged" and it used to take me hours to get through - and anything sent by post was perpetually "not received")

Eventually they accepted the stuff I'd faxed them for the umpteenth time - but only after charging me over £600 in unjustified interest charges....

The following year they tried the same stunt but this time I was wised up - In the first place I totally ignored their letter and sent them nothing - in response to all their further (weekly) requests I referred them to an imaginary letter I'd supposedly written, whilst very ostentatiously copying in the bankers ombudsman and my local MP...

I wasn't charged any huge amounts of interest...and furthermore, after about six weeks an awfully nice man rang up from the bank and accepted my word on the figures I quoted him...

This proves that (1)all banks (especially Lloyds TSB - come on sue me you dishonest bastards) are thieves and (2) It doesn't always pay to tell the truth (either as a crim or a copper)

12 January, 2007 01:32

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister and I love each other, but we fight constantly. We're always saying something rude about one other's hair, clothes, whatever, it doesn't matter, we quarrel. It's getting to the point were free celebrity sex clip will put in ear plugs if he's home with us for too long.
The other night, we thought Daddy might turn us over on his knee like he did when we were younger. We were in the bathroom, standing side by side. I looked over and up at my sister; I hated the fact that she was taller than me. She stands five foot seven inches tall, and I a mere five foot even. I think I also resented the fact that she was older than me. We're two years apart, she's 21 and I'm 19. We both have red hair, blue eyes, and freckles, some people have mistaken us for twins, but we're a year apart. Our bodies are different, she doesn't have much in the way of boobs, 36A, is all her cup size is, and I tease her about it all the time. Me, my boobs are a 36D. She doesn't have much in the way of hips either, very narrow she is, and I tell her she looks like a boy, which pisses her off. I got the better body entirely, I have a very shapely figure, and no one could ever mistake me for a boy. I was telling her that she needed to change her outfit, or buy clothes that fit her better. All her clothes drape o
ff of her like potato sacks; she was yelling at me, telling me that I dressed like a slut and I should be more conservative, when free childporn gallery burst through the door.
"That's enough! I want to hear no more from either one of you! You are driving me insane! You two are too old for this!"
My sister's first reaction is to get defensive and I let her go first.
"Dad, she started it!"
I looked up at Daddy sheepishly.
"No I didn't Daddy. I was just being honest. I can't help it if she can't stand to hear some criticism."
Daddy looked down at me. He knew what I was doing, but he always sided with me.
"You aren't dressed very well at all, free cross stitch patterns."
"You always side with her!"
She turned and gave me a mean look and I stuck my tongue out at her.
"Jessica! That's enough from you too."
I put my eyes down and nodded my head.
"Sorry Daddy I won't do it again."
My sister humphed my way and I moved past her. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Daddy's cheek. "Sorry to make you angry Daddy."
He patted me on the head and smiled down.
"It's okay Darling. I just wish you two girls would get along."
"I'll try real hard Daddy."
I gave him another kiss, and as I got back behind him I stuck my tongue out at my sister again.
"Daddy! Look! Look what she's doing!"
Daddy didn't turn around.
"That's enough free digimon hentai pic! Get on out of here and go to bed!"
The bickering continued of course, until there was a break when Eliza was out with her boyfriend. I was in my room, reading and listen to music, actually enjoying the fact that she wasn't at home. I really hated fighting with her, but I couldn't ever stop myself from doing it. I heard the front door close and Eliza run up the stairs. I also heard Daddy yelling.
"Eliza, is everything alright?"
"Fine, Daddy, everything's fine!"
From the tone of her voice I knew she was okay. So, I went back to reading. I only got a few lines into the book when my door burst open and in came Eliza looking all flushed and fluttered.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
I fought with my sister a lot but I felt protective over her as well.
"Nothing. Well, okay something happened, but it wasn't wrong."
"What? You lost me somewhere in there."
"Oh Jess, it was fuckin' great!"
My eyes widened, my sister doesn't speak like that.
"Okay, what was it? C'mon you gotta tell me!"
"I did it."
I watched Eliza go to the door, check the hall, and then close the door completely.
"You did what?"
"You know!"
"No, I don't. What did you do?"
"Don't make me mad! Not tonight!"
"I'm not trying to make you mad; I don't know what the hell it is you're talking about."
"I had sex."
"Oh, that it?"
"What do you mean, is that it?"
"Well, by the way you came in here I thought maybe you'd had the shit fucked outta ya or something. Just having sex isn't anything special."
"You've had sex before?"

12 March, 2007 21:45

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15 April, 2009 11:39


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