Their golden rules are:
- No overtime - why make officers to transport their own prisoners to custody at the end of the shift, when the next shift to drive out to them and take over? It might take twenty minutes longer than the hour it would have, but we will save the time-and-a-third we would have had to pay in overtime.
- Do not refurbish anything, especially custody suites. It isn't worth spending money on this when you can simply pay two officers for a few hours' work driving back and forth to another town each time they arrest someone.
- Shut down all the facilities (gyms, canteens etc). Then they will have no choice but to work through their meal break.
- Make it mandatory to obtain three signatures to claim money for absolutely anything, or to order new uniform. The bulk of people will not bother.
- Cancel all training days and train via online questionnaires. It isn't as if changes in the law are that important.
- Run your marked police vehicles until the last possible mile until they actually die on the street during a response drive. Also, keep your fleet of vehicles to an absolute minimum. If you can reduce it so far that some officers have no access to a car for their entire shift, you have also saved on diesel costs!
- Following on from the above, do not bother putting cones, fire extinguishers or door-enforcers in any of the cars. Just have one per county which the officers can drive to pick up if needed.
- Where you used to need two sergeants for a shift of twelve, cut this down to one. Then cut the shift down to eight. Soon you will not need a sergeant at all.
- Teach your supervisors to manage by email. This is cheaper than face-to-face reprisals or encouragement.
- Encourage an atmosphere of demotivation, depression and internal bitching, in the hope of having to pay fewer salaries.
- Finally, do not forget what all this money is for: giving large payouts in compensation to criminals, and paying your legal fees when you cock up.
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