This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Friday, September 08, 2006

Why Women are the Tops.

It has been several days since I last put in a plug for WOMEN. This was negligent. Us WOMEN need constant monitoring and promotion or we risk falling into a prenatal daydream.

I have been doing some research into Women in the police and on my travels I have discovered the following:
  • If you send an email to the Diversity link on a police force's website you are unlikely to get a reply.
  • However, if you email the Freedom of Information officer, you can get anything you want!
I have now gone to five force websites to find out the percentages of women in their ranks, with the following results:
Avon & Somerset - found the information in two minutes.
Hants - reply received in two days stating approx 28% female PCs, lower in higher ranks.
Beds - no reply
Herts - no reply
TVP - replied TWICE, the second time apologising for not getting back to me. Does this mean they are more efficient, or less? Their female ratio is about 30%.

Met - refused to give me the information as apparently it is EASILY available on their website. If anyone can find it, let me know.

I find these statistics amazing and disturbing. I believe that ALL police officers should be women.

As I have stated before, females are the only ones equipped to deal with rapes, child protection jobs, anything sexual whatsoever. They also drive better, lie better, interview a helluva lot better and get assaulted a lot less. For instance, in three years I have been assaulted three times, twice by women. Most of my male colleagues get assaulted several times a year. Plus, we women do brighten up the office with our gorgeous smiles and pert little boobs.

Now we know that women are near-perfect, what is it that men can do that women can't? I know what you men will be chanting!
  • Fight better: as we don't get into fights, we don't need to. Plus we can scratch and bite.
  • Bosh in doors: have you not SEEN a woman when her man is inside cheating?
  • Lift heavy stuff: like what exactly?
  • OK I'm stuck now...
Of course, having women around in times of violence brings out the protective streak in men and therefore distracts them from duty. We are just too attractive. So I propose getting rid of these easily distracted, gullible fools.

A force of WOMEN would do wonders for our public image. Whereas when men act up and get in the press they are merely covered with shame, there is nothing more poignant than the sad story of a woman who had a lot of men being mean to her.

Anyway I had better run, there's dinner to take out the oven and lots of lovely hoovering to do.

Copyright of PC Bloggs.


Anonymous Brian said...

Two words:-

Nina Hobson

08 September, 2006 08:54

Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

who, pc bloggs? Nah - sounds to amusing and interesting to be that horse.
Well lets hope thats the case anyway!

08 September, 2006 10:06

Anonymous LockerRoom said...

Er. I guess I better pack me bags and find a spare nuclear shelter to hide in.

08 September, 2006 13:27

Anonymous Hoddy said...

Any comments about the abolition of the grip strength test for police fitness?

Mined Ewe, the only Ecilop I know who actually *used* grip strength was a female Traffic Sargeant, who used bike gloves and a firm grip on a knife weilder's gonads to achieve what three [male] baton weilding woodentops had failed to manage... the surrender into custody of said perp. Apparently they gave him an ice pack in the cells.


08 September, 2006 13:50

Anonymous Ellee said...

You've made a great case here, as well as possibly scaring off lockerroom. Maybe the police force needs you to promote just how great the job is, you could be their icon.

08 September, 2006 17:28

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, but can you pee standing up?

08 September, 2006 17:53

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Male cops are still needed to work the shifts WPCs don't want to work.

Of course the police are well behind another public body which has reduced the percentage of males in its workforce to 18%.
Which organisation is that you ask? The Equal
Oppertunities Commission

08 September, 2006 17:53

Anonymous non pc pc said...

i want your babies :-)

08 September, 2006 22:25

Anonymous non pc pc said...

bugger just read the comments again......brian how dare you utter those words!

anyway everyone knows nasty nina is not a woman...actually scrap that most of leicestershire apparentley does know she is a woman.

08 September, 2006 22:28

Blogger Joe90 said...

Maybe ALL Police Officers should be men and ALL women should be mothers and homemakers, no?

Some women look fantastic in Uniform though, and I bet you WPC Bloggs are one of them!!

09 September, 2006 15:05

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, us guys aren't so bad. Are we?

Yeah we probably are.

10 September, 2006 05:12

Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Well, two flirty comments on one post. It looks as though I am well on the way to achieving the one goal for which I joined the police - to get a date! :-)

10 September, 2006 16:12

Anonymous PC nutter said...

Bet u look even nicer out of uniform! hehehehe

10 September, 2006 22:07

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