Why Women are the Tops.

It has been several days since I last put in a plug for WOMEN. This was negligent. Us WOMEN need constant monitoring and promotion or we risk falling into a prenatal daydream.

I have been doing some research into Women in the police and on my travels I have discovered the following:

• If you send an email to the Diversity link on a police force's website you are unlikely to get a reply.
• However, if you email the Freedom of Information officer, you can get anything you want!

I have now gone to five force websites to find out the percentages of women in their ranks, with the following results:
Avon & Somerset - found the information in two minutes.
Hants - reply received in two days stating approx 28% female PCs, lower in higher ranks.
Beds - no reply
Herts - no reply
TVP - replied TWICE, the second time apologising for not getting back to me. Does this mean they are more efficient, or less? Their female ratio is about 30%.
Met - refused to give me the information as apparently it is EASILY available on their website. If anyone can find it, let me know.

I find these statistics amazing and disturbing. I believe that ALL police officers should be women.

As I have stated before, females are the only ones equipped to deal with rapes, child protection jobs, anything sexual whatsoever. They also drive better, lie better, interview a helluva lot better and get assaulted a lot less. For instance, in three years I have been assaulted three times, twice by women. Most of my male colleagues get assaulted several times a year. Plus, we women do brighten up the office with our gorgeous smiles and pert little boobs.

Now we know that women are near-perfect, what is it that men can do that women can't? I know what you men will be chanting!

• Fight better: as we don't get into fights, we don't need to. Plus we can scratch and bite.
• Bosh in doors: have you not SEEN a woman when her man is inside cheating?
• Lift heavy stuff: like what exactly?
• OK I'm stuck now...

Of course, having women around in times of violence brings out the protective streak in men and therefore distracts them from duty. We are just too attractive. So I propose getting rid of these easily distracted, gullible fools.

A force of WOMEN would do wonders for our public image. Whereas when men act up and get in the press they are merely covered with shame, there is nothing more poignant than the sad story of a woman who had a lot of men being mean to her.

Anyway I had better run, there's dinner to take out the oven and lots of lovely hoovering to do.

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