How NOT to get a ticket.
1. Speed during shift changeover time (you can find this out from your local force under the Freedom of Information Act). Everyone will be in at the nick having tea and doing paperwork.
2. Stay within 7-8mph of the speed limit, or 12-15 on the motorway. Chances are most cameras and panda cars will ignore you (can't guarantee it though!).
3. Start sobbing in desperation and say, "I'm so sorry." (This one doesn't work on me, but I've seen it used successfully on others - and, er, used it myself. Yes, they were mostly male officers.)
4. Wait until you see someone doing something much more dangerous and speed past them.
5. Don't worry about pandas doing 80mph+ themselves without their blue lights on. They shouldn't be and will probably not stop you. Probably not a good idea to zoom past them at 100mph though.
6. Don't wave or stick your finger up at the panda as you whiz by.
7. Say, "Is it cos I is black? Aiiii."
8. Say that your partner has cut your brake pipes. This makes it a domestic and they will back right off.
9. Point up ahead and shout, "The guys in that car have a gun!" Either they will chase after them, or run the other way.
10. Refuse the ticket and elect to go to court. The court system is so crap you can spin it out for years until all your other points have expired.
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