This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Saturday, August 26, 2006

How to Get A Ticket.

Following on from my item on speeding, here are the top ten remarks that will guarantee you a ticket, if that is your goal in life:


1. I pay your salary.
2. Haven't you got anything better to do?
3. I'm going to miss my flight now.
4. Please don't - I've already got 9 points.
5. I've got three babies in the back, don't let them see this.
6. My wife/child/aunt is dying in hospital!
7. Someone else was driving. He ran off that way.
8. While you're here, I'm being harassed by my neighbour.
9. I was too busy talking on my mobile phone and didn't notice the speed.
10. The accelerator was stuck on.

------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs

13 Comments:

Anonymous Canadian Copper said...

"Do you mind? I'm in a hurry."
and
"I need to use a bathroom RIGHT NOW! If I pee my pants it's all your fault." (said just after passing two open gas stations with working bathrooms)

are a couple of my favourites.

26 August, 2006 16:47

 
Blogger staghounds said...

"I know (insert name of politician, judge or senior police officer)..."

26 August, 2006 18:16

 
Anonymous sparky said...

How many times have I heard No 1?

26 August, 2006 18:57

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Haven't I seen you at the local Masonic Lodge?" often seems to work where I am (except for me who is a dedicated member of the Antedeluvian Order of Buffaloes).

26 August, 2006 23:14

 
Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

I had some foreigner say "You want lose job? My uncle high up latvian police, you lose job"

Have a nice day

27 August, 2006 11:13

 
Blogger Geoff said...

I like the google ad displayed with this post "Speeding Tickets Deleted
Legal Methods to Ensure that your speed tickets are all cancelled"

28 August, 2006 11:45

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Hey Gooooogle Ads does work!

28 August, 2006 15:04

 
Blogger Bitseach said...

The bloke said (even though I was only going to give him "words of advice", ie a good telling off, for cycling on the footway), "Fine, write me a ticket then - I'll show it to my boyfriend the judge".
a) the gay card doesn't work on gay officers, and
b) for trying to exert undue influence he was always on a loser
c) I really hoped this one would go to court as I wrote down his little threat and was happy imagining how unimpressed the magistrate would have been to hear their name being dropped by this stroppy queen!

29 August, 2006 19:11

 
Anonymous beenacop said...

Don't you know who I am? was always a favourite
of mine. It worked every time and made going to work that day such a pleasure.
A bit off post but I enjoyed it on another occasion having dealt with a particularly horrid individual I escorted him from custody to the front office so he could leave the station. In front of a large number of people waiting to produce docs he demanded in a loud voice, 'Call me a taxi!' not wanting to miss the opportunity I enquired very politly, 'Are you sure you want me to call you a taxi sir?' He fell for it and again demanded that I did, so I obliged. Fortunately several members of the public were more than happy to inform the Duty Inspector after the man had complained that I had simply done as he had asked and complimented me on my making their day. Made mine as well.

31 August, 2006 20:25

 
Anonymous notacop said...

Any, err, hints on how to *not* get a ticket?

So far I've got: Don't get caught.

31 August, 2006 23:55

 
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