This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Snap!

There is to be no election.

It's a shame really, as I had just put my yellow jacket in the wash to be sure it was gleaming brightly for the big day. No, I don't dress up to vote, the jacket is for Operation Sandwich, launched in glory across town every General Election.

The duties of the Op Sandwich team are fourfold:
  • Arrest anyone wearing an illegal rosette outside a polling booth.
  • Arrest anyone trying to influence people's vote.
  • Switch off speed cameras between Sunderland South and Westminster.
  • Eat a lot of free sandwiches.
To fulfill these duties, four transit vans of six officers plus a sergeant are deployed across town working twelve hours for double bubble. (We get double-time if we're given less than five days notice of working a rest day. As these Elections are usually last minute, it's impossible to give us any more notice.)

The task of the transit teams is to visit all the polling stations two or three times and ensure "fair play". Oh yes, and there's a form to fill in about what we found at each station - so we can plan the next Op Sandwich.

Personally I don't think the Operation goes nearly far enough, and will be putting my suggestion into the box that next time we install CCTV in each booth and have officers on standby to carry out immediate computer checks on anyone voting Labour. The chances are we'll nab a lot of people wanted on warrant. Except that they don't vote.

Plan B: visit every home in Blandmore and carry out computer checks on anyone who hasn't gone to vote.

An Area Commander in the making, I hear you mutter.



Suspicions flare as Brown announces that Opera Interactive Technology will be counting the votes at the next general election.







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13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry Bloggs...

We have been promised a referendum on EU integration by Labour....

Operation Le Sandwiche

I'm sure - being Politicians and therefore very trustworthy - we will have this referendum as promised very soon. Maybe at short notice too - Le doublay boublay.

Ricky G

07 October, 2007 14:43

 
Blogger alanorei said...

There may not be any more general elections after 2008.

Sorry, PC Bloggs. You will possibly have make/buy your own sarnies* from January 1st 2009.

*Unless you transfer to SkyCops. They always seemed to be well supplied with bacon butties.

07 October, 2007 14:58

 
Anonymous Old Man said...

Do you really think that the government is running the country?

07 October, 2007 15:11

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course it would be ridiculous to suggest that 'the powers that be' only want a visible police presence on election day in order to take one final swing at proving to the masses that there really are more police out there and we're not all tucked up with paperwork.

07 October, 2007 18:52

 
Anonymous stevie: 42 today said...

I hope the Torys get in at the next election as I am cheesed of with the piss poor job this lot have done. Build some prisons and get me back on that davis thingy pay scale.

07 October, 2007 20:10

 
Blogger thinblueline said...

< Bloggsie , If your finding yuor self stuck on these aids you reallly should be giving up the uniform lark :)

07 October, 2007 20:39

 
Anonymous Inspector Gadget said...

I feel I should stand in Ruralshire.

07 October, 2007 21:05

 
Blogger Minty said...

Oh, Gadget standing for Parliment. Now that would be a campaign worth watching!

08 October, 2007 22:13

 
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