The BOG Standard

I applaud the move by Greater Manchester Police to ban officers from cycling until a thorough investigation has taken place. Their decision is a result of a trainee PCSO being killed by a truck.

Personally, I think knee-jerk reactions are usually right, and would encourage all forces to follow my Guidelines for Health and Safety at work. You can't be too careful!

The Bloggs Occupational Guidelines (BOGs):

1. Police officers should be trained in all the skills they will require for their daily work, including how to bend their neck on entering a vehicle, how to run after crooks without tripping over small hedgerows and how to open a can of coke without it spurting everywhere.
2. As soon as you identify that an officer has a training need, as identified by seeing him falling over at work, sitting too close to a computer or dropping an item of protective equipment, the officer should be removed from frontline duty and re-trained. You should also consider whether other members of staff also require training in these matters and if so, ALL officers should be quarantined within the station until they are up to standard.
3. Officers must not run after criminals. This has been identified as one of the Four Contributing Factors to Tripping.* A brisk walk should suffice.
4. Please remember that a large number of work injuries are tea-related. Activities involving tea should be kept to a minimum.
5. If anybody is injured in any manner whilst on-duty, you should immediately bar all officers from doing that activity until a full 1000-page Inquiry has been completed.
   

Watery areas should be avoided at all costs.

* The Four Contributing Factors to Tripping:

• Running
• Jumping
• Climbing
• Stepping

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