This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The BOG Standard

I applaud the move by Greater Manchester Police to ban officers from cycling until a thorough investigation has taken place. Their decision is a result of a trainee PCSO being killed by a truck.

Personally, I think knee-jerk reactions are usually right, and would encourage all forces to follow my Guidelines for Health and Safety at work. You can't be too careful!


The Bloggs Occupational Guidelines (BOGs):

  1. Police officers should be trained in all the skills they will require for their daily work, including how to bend their neck on entering a vehicle, how to run after crooks without tripping over small hedgerows and how to open a can of coke without it spurting everywhere.
  2. As soon as you identify that an officer has a training need, as identified by seeing him falling over at work, sitting too close to a computer or dropping an item of protective equipment, the officer should be removed from frontline duty and re-trained. You should also consider whether other members of staff also require training in these matters and if so, ALL officers should be quarantined within the station until they are up to standard.
  3. Officers must not run after criminals. This has been identified as one of the Four Contributing Factors to Tripping.* A brisk walk should suffice.
  4. Please remember that a large number of work injuries are tea-related. Activities involving tea should be kept to a minimum.
  5. If anybody is injured in any manner whilst on-duty, you should immediately bar all officers from doing that activity until a full 1000-page Inquiry has been completed.

Watery areas should be avoided at all costs.

* The Four Contributing Factors to Tripping:
  • Running
  • Jumping
  • Climbing
  • Stepping
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs.

93 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent
Reminds me of:
http://inspectorgadget.wordpress.com/2007/09/03/nanny-knows-best/
j

26 September, 2007 13:17

 
Blogger Charlie Lima said...

Quality video, If that was me who got pushed in the river I'd have gone nuts! Hope they caught him!!

Ref the poor PCSO who died, if the force is going to ban every dangerous activity in the police we may as well stay in bed in the mornings and not go into work.

26 September, 2007 14:02

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tee hee bloggsy
scarily, i can see my force implemeting this words for word next week!

26 September, 2007 15:37

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is made all the funnier by being entirely believable

26 September, 2007 17:20

 
Blogger Sergeant Simon said...

Pity the poor sergeant who then gets lumbered with writing a complete risk assessment, complete with risk reduction strategies, regarding the potentially dangerous activities of the four above. And walking. I actually think there is one for walking. I haven't checked, because it would make me want to put my head through the computer screen.

26 September, 2007 17:35

 
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If it wasn't for the hooray guffawing in the background I'd almost hope he got away with that!

27 September, 2007 00:37

 
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why did the lifejackets not inflate on contact with the water?

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I don't know why you are bothered about it.

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I hope you keep your pocket book more accurately than your blog Bloggsy - my mate's in GMP and is still cycling. They've only stopped those with less than a year's experience on a bike for a couple of weeks while they make sure they've been trained. Bit more dull than "barmy police force bans bobbies on their bikes" lol

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