This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Thursday, June 14, 2007

How to Be Hated:

One of my earliest memories of being a police officer is driving down a street of Council houses and seeing three kids at the side of the road. Two were about 12, one was a little toddler with golden hair. As we drove by, the 12 year olds stuck up their fingers at us and the toddler climbed up onto a garden wall and screamed at the top of his voice, "FUCKING PIGS!"

Maybe I was naive, but I actually could not understand what had just happened. Now I am a seasoned copper with years of malicious torture of innocent prisoners behind me, I understand that being hated by strangers is to be welcomed and is in fact an essential element of being a Twenty-First Century Police Officer.

To which end, here are my top ten tips on how to be hated:
  1. Arrest people.
  2. Do not arrest people.
  3. Handcuff people.
  4. Say, "I don't believe you sustained that stab wound by tripping on a football."
  5. Fail to catch the offender who keyed the side of a car some time last week but was not seen.
  6. Fail to bring the investigation to the conclusion the victim wanted.
  7. Use blue lights.
  8. Fail to use blue lights.
  9. Die in the line of duty.
  10. Use force on people who are violent towards you - we are a civilised society and this is just unacceptable.
Don't forget, some officers are just so polite and accommodating that even the most shocking lapses in their work fail to elicit the hatred of the public. In this case, running up to random people and batoning them usually does the trick.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs

25 Comments:

Anonymous Sue said...

11. Just look in the direction of someone who wants an excuse to abuse a copper

14 June, 2007 19:03

 
Blogger staghounds said...

Note, be sure to baton them from the FRONT- otherwise they will just think they were hit by the person who usually hits them. Then they will just love their paramour or parent more, rather than hating the police.

15 June, 2007 01:04

 
Blogger Paradise Driver said...

...running up to random people and batoning them...

Aw. A little "stick" time is a good way to limber up the muscles and shake the cobwebs out of one's head when starting the shift.

15 June, 2007 04:39

 
Blogger PC South West said...

How to be hated. Join the Police!!!

15 June, 2007 10:09

 
Anonymous The Artist Formally Known as PC Dogberry said...

People hated me before I joined the police!!....so for me, nothing's changed. LOL

16 June, 2007 03:01

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when will the public learn that when someone with stripes shouts "PSU... baton charge to the lamp post on the right... GO!!!" then there is going to be a few mildly irked people at the end of it and its not our fault they didn't run quick enough???

When people tell me they hate me my usual retort is that their mum/sister/wife/girlfriend think i'm great. they mostly shut up after that...mostly...

16 June, 2007 09:24

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are hated by the social class 4 and 5 lowlife because of what you do to them. This is no surprise and shouldn't be difficult even for you to understand because the majority of serving police officers are of a similar level of intelligence and share many values with the majority of their "clients". Indeed, qualitatively there is very little difference between the average Plod and the average Crim.
The rest of society - your betters who you try to ape - don't really hate you at all because they recognise the need for woodentops. ...They just hold you in contempt.

17 June, 2007 11:21

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you dir6pigs are hated because your are nazi pig scum.

death too all pigs

17 June, 2007 23:48

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, follow your own prescription PC Clod and put yourself up for schedule 9 straight away.... anything to stop you inflicting your parochial drivel on the rest of us.

Filthy disgusting Sow

18 June, 2007 00:04

 
Blogger Girl*Next*Door said...

Cuddles, calm down, we don't want you getting too upset & harming yourself now do we. You be a good boy & behave, stamping your feet isn't going to get you anywhere.

Anon 00:04, what would you do without the police if your wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter/
mother got raped? Would you still call them a "Filthy disgusting sow" then (if they were female or just plain pigs if they were male) or would you be grateful for their help?

Would you be happy if they refused to help you as a direct consequence of your attitude towards them or thank them when, despite your attitude they still caught the person who had committed a crime against you or your family & helped you to the best of their ability?

18 June, 2007 13:26

 
Blogger busybizzie said...

Anon at 11:21.
Thanks for pointing out that people hate us because we lock them up. That had completely passed me by and the revelation was like a bolt from the heavens.
As for the intelligence, I'm starting to think the plebs may have the upper hand. After all, I have to go find and pay for things I want and need. They just wait for the next handout paid for by us.
That wasn't your doorbell was it?

18 June, 2007 19:45

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You clowns really do have a common abberant self- image.

By and large you do not help people nor solve crimes nor repond to those in distress or real need until well after the event and it's safe to show your gutless, stupid faces.... and when you do arrive you're bloody useless anyway. Best stick to arrresting 11 year old kids fighting in playgrounds to inflate the catalogue of all your "sucesses".

No, by and large, the majority of you are parasites.

18 June, 2007 22:36

 
Blogger busybizzie said...

Anon,
Did you mean abhorrent?
Muppet.

19 June, 2007 12:14

 
Blogger busybizzie said...

Actually Anon,
That was harsh. You obviously like reading Police blogs so come over. I've given you a whole post to abuse me.

19 June, 2007 13:17

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Abberant and abhorent are two radically different abstract nouns.

I suggest you take steps to improve your rather limited vocabulary before you invite your intellectual betters to enter into discourse with you.

19 June, 2007 16:16

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can it be abuse, if it's true? Most of what anon 2236 says is spot on!

19 June, 2007 16:31

 
Blogger busybizzie said...

They call it put up or shut up.

Anyone can hurl abuse. Do you actually have a point?

19 June, 2007 18:15

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who's bizzypiggy talking to?

19 June, 2007 22:10

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Presumably posts 1121 and 2236 - so far, he really does seem to have a problem reading as far the second paragraph of anything.

Or maybe he does, and it is just that what he reads is genuinely beyond his rudimentary powers of comprehension.

Perhaps he's a ....Special constable.

20 June, 2007 00:15

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's my personal theory that all these anonymous posters are in fact the same person. He has to agree with himself because nobody else will.

Or maybe I posted all of them and am now schizophrenically revealing my evil secret to everyone. Muhahaha!

20 June, 2007 14:41

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like bizzypiggy couldn't put up - so he shut up.

21 June, 2007 09:13

 
Blogger busybizzie said...

No, I just finished my leave and had to go back to work.
Can't spend all my time on blogs you know.
Anything constructive to add by the way?
Thought not.

21 June, 2007 18:59

 
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