This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Thursday, September 21, 2006

It Has Happened.

At last the moment that Transport 2000 has been waiting for. Proof that driving at 300mph is dangerous. An investigation is underway into how the crash of Richard Hammond occurred yesterday as he tried to break the land speed record. I would like to suggest that it was caused by him trying to break the land speed record.

This just goes to prove that all the motoring lobby groups who say no one should drive over 20mph are right. Following on from my report on Health and Safety yesterday, I think the government is just around the corner from deciding that no one should drive at all.

Personally, I think this is a ripe opportunity for the police to make some money. We could introduce levels of speeding fine from the current £60 up to £150 or more depending on the speed travelled. If you go over 300mph in a rocket-shaped car with a parachute on the back, you stand to get a roadside fine of £200 and eleven points on your license. This would give the police greater jurisdiction to decide the guilt and innocence of the public at large, in a five minute interlude at the side of the road, rather than having to utilise the court system. Anything that frees up the court system is a good thing.

In the future I hope to develop proposals whereby all offences, including burglary, GBH and terrorism, can be dealt with by way of a fixed penalty notice at the side of the road.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You jest but with more PCSOs and more offences which can be dealt with by way of a fixed penalty it is only a matter of time before custody suites and courts are only used to annoy the innocent.

21 September, 2006 13:55

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funnily enough, whilst reading your post, I see some policeman on sky news giving a report from the crash site ! I dont know what he said though, but I can only guess...

21 September, 2006 14:54

 
Anonymous Sim said...

Did no one think to stand by the side with a speed camera?

Think of the money that could have been made...

Joking aside - really do hope he gets better soon..

21 September, 2006 15:53

 
Blogger Midlands PC said...

I wonder if he was or will be given a producer? The insurance for that thing must be quite steep, ever for third party fire and theft only, and the emissions level must mean the tax disk would have cost a fortune. Still, if they recover it from the wreck and get it back to the post office soon, they'll get a rebate on next months tax at least...

21 September, 2006 15:57

 
Blogger Bystander said...

I think that you are about to get your wish to clear cases out of the court system. The Government won't be happy until most crime is either dealt with on the street, with the park-keeper and the dog warden issuing ASBOs, or by conditional cautioning cooked up by your friendly custody sergeant with a bit of help from a CPS Direct 'adviser' who is 200 miles away and watching TV with one eye.

22 September, 2006 08:16

 
Blogger calabarboy said...

I am so sorry about Mr Hammond's accident and injuries. I love watching him and Jeremy Paxman on Top Gear and I pray he has a full and speedy recovery!!!

I can just about hear Transport 2000 saying out loud to all who care to listen:

" I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

22 September, 2006 10:29

 
Blogger PC South West said...

Does anyone remember Judge Dread?
Maybe that is the way forward with some cases.
Judge Jury and executioner

never mind the fixed penalty notice just blast the scum bag with suitable plasma weapon.

25 September, 2006 20:36

 
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