CSI: Blandmore.

According to the TV, which is where i get most of my guidance on life, it is great to be a CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR. You can snatch DNA out of the air, recreate an animated video of the murder from the splatter pattern of blood on the walls and you get to work with a lot of gorgeous, glamourous colleagues.

Someone should write a drama called SOCO: UK. In it, the Scenes of Crime Officers spend a lot of time using sellotape to lift stuff off car-seats, only to decide it is too expensive to submit it for testing. They never work a night shift or past 6pm. They do not have an opinion on who has done what, but they simply take photographs and hand them to the senior investigating officer who is too busy to attend the crime scene himself. This would be gripping television as on two out of a hundred cases, DNA or fingerprint evidence forms a tiny part of their case although neither the lawyers nor the judge understand its significance. Occasionally, officers on the show might spend £4000 deciding which 14 year old burglar out of the four who trashed a house was the one who spat on the cutlery. All of them would plead guilty anyway. Sometimes an offender will be identified on the basis of a DNA hit, but this should only occur once a series otherwise the show would be deemed far-fetched. At no point would the fictional SOCOs get any investment to be trained, nor to use advanced equipment that really can detect crime.

We should follow America's lead more often - even actors investigate crime better there.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs.