This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Sunday, September 17, 2006

Cherie Takes up Happy-Slapping!

See this from the Beeb. The story is about Cherie "motioning" to slap a 17yr old boy.

Let's compare the investigation of this offence with my own investigation of a "common assault" last night.

Blandmore: Caller reporting a 55yr old woman has assaulted a schoolboy.
Strathclyde: Caller reporting a 55yr old woman has assaulted a schoolboy.

Blandmore: PC Bloggs attends after a cup of tea.
Strathclyde: Six detectives arrive within minutes.

Blandmore: The victim doesn't want to make a complaint.
Strathclyde: The victim doesn't want to make a complaint.

Blandmore: PC Bloggs is unable to fathom who actually cared about this incident to start with.
Strathclyde: Detectives are unable to fathom who actually cared about this incident to start with.

Blandmore: PC Bloggs starts and concludes a paper-free investigation.
Strathclyde: Detectives take eighteen statements from every member of the sports team, protection group and school, including people who were not there.

Blandmore: PC Bloggs declares that no incident ever took place.
Strathclyde: Six detectives declare that no incident ever took place.

Blandmore: Original caller tracks down PC Bloggs and complains to her inspector, who issues "Management Advice". The investigation is reopened and the woman arrested, goes No Comment in interview and is released without charge. PC Bloggs is forced to create a crime report which will continue to exist long after the caller, the 55yr old woman and the schoolboy are all dead.
Strathclyde: Original caller sells her story to News of the World and makes a small fortune.

Guess which scenario I favour (sigh). However at least this will be a warning to good-natured celebrities who think it is fine to joke about with young boys. There is nothing funny about a 17yr old making "rabbit ears" behind the head of the Prime Minister's wife.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

15 Comments:

Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

Nice to see a slap gets 6 detectives yet poor mrs miggins who has been burgled for the tenth time gets on pc and a template letter from the police saying "sorry to hear about your crime"

17 September, 2006 08:23

 
Anonymous Ted said...

So an alleged "incident" happens in a very public place.The "victim" and his mother don't complain and in fact think it bizarre the police are involved. There is no physical contact. An experienced police officer (Mrs Blairs protection officer) who is presumably watching Mrs Blair closely during this public event sees nothing happening. But a 3rd party complains and its a CID investigation.
As the saying goes you couldn't make it up>

17 September, 2006 11:16

 
Blogger PC South West said...

Sadly it just proves that the role of the modern police officer all about PR and spin.
As long as we do what looks good in the eyes of the public, forget the common sense approach. I am sure the public are chuffed to bits at the way time and money was wasted investigating what was obvious to a trained chimp was never a crime.

17 September, 2006 11:57

 
Blogger Constable Shortman said...

Its obvious. They got the log in at the staion, the controller shows it to the duty inspector whos trousers suddenly turned a shade of brown.

From then on it was purely a arse covering excersise should someone say that we were trung to protect her because of her status.

Whats worse is that incidents like this dont surprise us. The amount of tax money spent on rubbish like this is shocking.

When did the Police turn into proffesional arse protecters at the expense of genuine policing?

17 September, 2006 12:20

 
Anonymous justacop said...

Lets clear this up once and for all, rabbits are cute and cuddly, so someone doing 'rabbit ears' behind Cherie would have there work cut out. She has the look that could make an onion cry. After all it's not as if she is remotely important anyway, whats the name of that bloke she is married to, um.......

17 September, 2006 16:17

 
Blogger PC South West said...

Just a cop, I recon you must have a secret crush on Cherie really. Kind of a love hate thing, and that is why you don't like whats his name.
She is a real looker isn't she!!

17 September, 2006 17:17

 
Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

yes a looker - if looks could kill

17 September, 2006 20:10

 
Anonymous Ellee said...

So how many real criminals managed to get away with their loot while these six detectives had their hands full with Cherie?

17 September, 2006 23:25

 
Blogger Bitseach said...

Er Ellee, the question to ask is how many cups of tea did these shiny-bums miss because they were trying to get their names in the paper? Poor lambs!! :oD

Ellee said...
So how many real criminals managed to get away with their loot while these six detectives had their hands full with Cherie?

17 September, 2006 23:25

17 September, 2006 23:37

 
Anonymous kris said...

Why do cop go after celebs? Kate Moss, Roy Keane, Cherie have the flying squad and CPS baying for blood- yet Joe crack dealer, tagger, mugger, tosser etc doesn't rate the time? CPS says "no" (hack at the computer screen).

18 September, 2006 00:18

 
Anonymous justacop said...

In response to Kris, the police are actually very good at catching all criminals, famous or infamous (the jails are full). The problem is that the media only report the famous ones. You are more likely to get a better idea of what is really happening in the legal justic system from online blogs not the media. Stay tuned !

18 September, 2006 14:15

 
Blogger Calabar Gal said...

Utter waste of time and tax payers money going after cherie!!!!

18 September, 2006 16:01

 
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