Dealing with Corruption.

Every once I see another officer doing something I disapprove of. Surprisingly, this is more normally along the lines of dropping a file of evidence into the paper shredder, than it is witnessing a display of savage police brutality. Then again, I am a GIRL, so most of my male colleagues are careful not to be too violent around me in case it upsets me, or sends me on a feminist legal suit rampage, as we GIRLs are prone to start.

However, there must be times in most police officers' careers when you inwardly wince and turn your head away, thinking: "I really wish PC So-and-So hadn't just used unreasonable force to push that guy's face into the dirt and call him a 'Fucking Knob'". Or when you think: "Gosh, whatever happened to that joint PC Whatshisface seized from the scrote he just searched?" Or when you think: "I really shouldn't have sped through that speed camera on my way to my lunch break."

As a consequence, here is my guide for the best course of action should you bear witness to a shocking piece of POLICE CORRUPTION:

1. Take a few steps back. That way any watching tourists with camcorders might not catch you in the shot.
2. Immediately call up on the radio with a vague catch-all to cover the situation, eg "He's kicking off", "Another unit required", "He's thrown the drugs away", "A car just made off from me".
   
3. On no account speak to the officer about it. This will only make you appear party to it later on.
4. Surreptitiously gauge your colleagues reaction to what has happened. Bear in mind if people seem unfazed by the corruption, you could be wrong in thinking anything untoward has occurred.
5. If you hear remarks condoning the actions, quickly join in selecting from:
   
• "That was fun."
• "I twisted his cuffs up good."
• "What a cock that guy was he deserved to get his head kicked in."
6. Secretly record details of the incident in your pocket notebook. That way if you are challenged later you have irrefutable proof of what happened. It is impossible to lie in a pocket notebook.
7. If you have a mobile phone, secretly video what is happening. Even if you never get to use it to defend yourself in court, you can always sell it on the Internet as a hot download.

Remember: There is no room for team spirit when public prosecutions are on offer.

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