This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Friday, November 06, 2009

We reject these slurs and anyway if they're true it's not our fault

I would like to take issue with the quite frankly ludicrous claims made on a notorious police blog about Blandshire Police, whereby it is stated that "Such-and-such-shire has less violent crime than [neighbouring county]".

First of all I utterly reject that Blandmore is "neighbouring" in any way with the afore-mentioned shire. Secondly, you will find that Blandshire Constabulary is rated among the best in the country at recording crime figures. When it comes to measuring the way that we measure crime, there are few to rival us. So it is no surprise that our crime figures appear higher than other nearby police services. Clearly those services are under-recording certain crimes for their own ends.

Here in Blandmore we believe in the strictest and most literal interpretation of the Home Office Counting Rules, and in general err on the side of recording a lot of crimes that never actually happened. We even have whole operations whereby PCSOs knock on people's doors and ask them if they'd like us to record any crimes. And a whole department of auditors to make sure that for every crime recorded in this fashion, someone's fingerprints and DNA are kept forever on a police database. In Blandshire, rather than going on and on about crime reduction, our superintendents take time personally every morning to scrutinise the crime figures and make sure there isn't one incident of an officer incorrectly listing a burglary as a criminal damage, or an ABH as a common assault.

Perhaps, instead of spending their time reducing burglary, auto-crime and violent crime figures, Ruralshire might invest some more money in actually making sure these crimes are recorded properly in the first place.

That, after all, is what the public wants.

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

12 Comments:

OpenID inspectorgadget said...

I like the idea of PCSO's knocking on doors asking for more crime. I will categorise this as 'Best Practice' and immediately start to 'implement' the idea in Ruralshire.

On the other hand, maybe not. My Boss likes his bonus.

07 November, 2009 07:57

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it because its true.

I remember my old shift getting a lecture on the correct way to fill in a crime report by a HQ civilian who then went on to say each one had to go via a Sgt before being recorded to ensure accuracy as PC's could not record crime accuratly.

The civilian was asked if they had any advice on how we should investigate the crime once recorded, as we clearly could not be trusted. Cue goldfish mouth and exit stage right with red face.

PC A HUNN

07 November, 2009 12:26

 
Anonymous pcR said...

I spend 80% of each shift massaging the crime figures in my area by telling prospective complainants to "Sod off".
This is a proactive approach to crime fighting; fighting crime by not reporting it in the first place.
I receive no thanks for this from the senior management team. But no one on our shift has EVER MET a current member of our senior management team, so we tend to think of them much as we think of the fairies at the bottom of the garden. But fairies with internal email capability.

07 November, 2009 16:15

 
Blogger PCDC-Copper Bottom said...

I had a thought the other day...

It occurred to me there is a big discrepancy between the calls we receive and the amount of crime we record.

Our force receives about a million calls a year but only crime a fraction of those calls...

I know that a percentage of those people will be calling to tell us about abandoned cars etc...

but...

a lot call us for no real reason.

also- did you know that noone in the WHOLE WORLD records the detail about crime that we do? also... that we are the only force in the world- that dont carry firearms?

so - i guess you should be grateful...

07 November, 2009 17:14

 
Blogger thespecialone said...

As a special, I have seen the madness in the police. I also see it on a daily basis in my day job which is also public sector. Utter utter lunacy which would not exist in the private sector, because that private sector company would go bust within 6 months. Yes I do know about the private sector too as I have run my own business. It was all going very well until the government got involved. It sent me a huge pack saying that smoking was now banned in the workplace. Err....I did the practical stuff in a van which I owned and the paperwork was done in my own home. I dont smoke anyway. The whole public sector is a frigging madhouse, not just the police I'm afraid.

PS....Are Blandfordshire and Ruralshire any worse than Bizarreshire?

07 November, 2009 20:28

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PCDC Copper Bottom.... No I didn't know that, so thank you for sharing it with us. You guessed right, I am soooooooo grateful, no really I am, secretly, between you and me. But don't tell anyone please, as it would blow my hard earned image as a grumpy moo! ;0)

08 November, 2009 01:33

 
Blogger PCDC-Copper Bottom said...

lol Anonymous- you are quite funny when you put your mind to it...

err... supposing you have one, of course...

10 November, 2009 20:33

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PCDC Copper Bottom.....cheeky! ;0)
I do have my moments, of inspiration.....and despair, and as for my mind, well....I'm slowly losing it, because of a NuLabour conspiracy to drive me mental....

11 November, 2009 02:20

 
Blogger PCDC-Copper Bottom said...

well its not affected me...

I know because the King of the potato people told me so...

14 November, 2009 17:28

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PCDC Copper Bottom......well that is good news then!..... lol ;0)

16 November, 2009 00:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
And you et an account on Twitter?

25 December, 2009 16:25

 
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26 January, 2010 09:39

 

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