This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Everything is just fine

Good news readers, policing in Blandmore has never looked more rosy!

Not only do we keep locking up baddie after baddie, satisfying victim after victim, but we luxuriate daily in the support of our managers. This week my team has no less than five emails from inspectors in other departments with guidance for the lazier and more moronic officers I work with. These inspectors have had our failings pointed out to them by auditors and validators whose jobs are to make sure the sloppy work of a front-line police officer does not lead in some way to a murder or negative Sun headline. Without these invaluable civilian paper-pushers, who knows how many forms may be left unfilled and boxes unticked.

It's all very reassuring that a brand new Acting Sergeant on the Front Line of Blandmore does not have to worry about supervising or checking their team's work at all, because there's all these people to do it for them. It's not even necessary to be taught management skills, understand the role of a sergeant, get your stripes through the post in time or be given logins to the various systems you will be expected to use on a daily basis.

Indeed, becoming an Acting Sergeant can be done overnight, via voicemail, or even better by an automatic transfer on the personnel system which just drops into your inbox one day without anyone ever having to tell you in person.

Isn't Twenty-First Century Policing grand?

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your new acting status bloggsy, best of luck hope all goes ok.

08 September, 2009 19:54

Blogger Noggsy said...

Aaahhhh...the joys of acting. Not only do you get all of the shit from above (like before), you also get it from below now as well. Still, I learned a lot from my stint and the money came in handy.

08 September, 2009 22:07

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the promotion, I suppose the advantage of promotion by stealth is you don't have to buy too many beers for your colleagues..

09 September, 2009 06:28

Anonymous Anonymous said...


I actually preferred APS to PS as it had all the good point and no custody!

My one bit of advice is not to let Substantive Skippers bully you around. You've a job to do just do that and forget the 'A'

09 September, 2009 12:18

Anonymous Retired Sgt said...

This blog sums up todays problem in the police service.There are far too many people doing the jobs that police supervisors should be doing.As a Sgt you need to supervise your staff so they know that sloppiness on paper is not tolerated just as sloppiness in appearance or conduct is neither.This vast army of office workers only serves to undermine the front line supervisor who to be honest is paid quite a bit to do the things that the staff do-so lets chuck an army of bean counters away appoint a few more skippers give them the support and training they need and just perhaps we will start to the bend in the road

09 September, 2009 17:22

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually found out that I had passed my Inspector board when I met my Sergeant replacement on the stairs and he told me! This is true.

09 September, 2009 17:52

Blogger Willing and Eager said...

Congrats Bloggsy!

How's the new book/tv show/multi-million pound film adaptation coming along?

10 September, 2009 08:18

Anonymous Retired Sgt said...

I had a similar experience when I got promoted-everyone knew except me-mind you I got promotion when my predecessor was sent down for a long stretch for burglary!!Who says crime doesnt pay?

10 September, 2009 14:33

Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO about you not having access to the systems you need as a shift skipper - that must happen everywhere!

I mean, how hard can it be for BCU SMTs / HR / IT to look at who's coming up for their acting stints, and then make sure they have access to the ops system as a supervisor, the rota system, the absence management system etc. etc.?

Instead of which, you only find out you _need_ access when you can't get onto the system and do something at 3am you know you will cop a bollocking for the next day.


10 September, 2009 18:57

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snafuitis still exists even when so many of to-day's undergrads take communication.
PS: congrats you deserved it :
Now you know 'wot' it be to be the junior baby sitter, you may have never realized how big your extended family really is. It might put you off Mother hood, hope not , you seem to have a good pair of shoulders to take the yoke of responsibility.

11 September, 2009 19:25

Anonymous NottsSarge said...

Aaaah, Acting... Act in a known vacancy, that's the skill. I went acting on Part 1s only, into a vacant post (on paper too, well done HR!) and "only" needed to get Part 2 in to remain. Fortunately I did...
2 types of actors - Caretaker Managers who just take the money and let it all happen, and those out to prove a point. I was in the latter category, mainly because of some of the numptys I'd served under.
A word of caution though, a bit like being in opposition in the Commons, challenging is easier than providing solutions. Good luck and stick to your guns!

13 September, 2009 03:00

Anonymous Anonymous said...

allegedly, my force is trying to reduce paper pushing and reinstate proper, station sergeants, to reduce bureaucracy and supervise all the frontline officer's work.

we shall see.

16 September, 2009 15:44


Post a Comment

<< Home


View My Stats
eXTReMe Tracker