This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Monday, December 08, 2008

Another victim of Saturday Night Blame culture

Firing Sharon Shoesmith will do nothing to make children safer. Nor will calling for public inquiries, naming and shaming those who directly killed Baby P, bemoaning the breakdown of British society/families/morals. No indeed, we need to go much further.

Since the dawn of time, people have abused their children, and I now propse this radical ten-step programme to eradicating child abuse FOREVER:
  1. Baby licenses. Couples have to apply to have children in the first place, and the adjudicators who give out the licenses will be people like Jacqui Smith and Boris Johnson.
  2. It goes without saying, certain categories of person will not be allowed to give birth at all: single parents, those who have had more than one marriage, or more than one partner, or more than one sexual partner, or any sex at all ever.
  3. Cameras installed in every home, with audio, and voice recognition to call the police immediately if any of the following sounds are heard: crying child, raised voice, loud thud or other noise.
  4. Social Services to vet the household of every new baby at one week intervals, for the first five years of their life, then fortnightly until they are 10, then monthly.
  5. Social Workers to have the power to have someone instantaneously convicted of child abuse without the need for judicial process.
  6. Sterlisation in police stations. Whenever someone is arrested, along with their DNA and fingerprints being taken, they will be sterilised. People who get arrested shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
  7. The immediate removal of all children from their parents. The parents will then have to retrospectively apply for a license as above.
  8. Parents to wear a tag with satellite navigation system, to allow their parental effectiveness to be monitored at all times.
  9. All children to be put into foster care, forever.
  10. The whole of the UK to become one big family, with all children as wards of the nation and politicians directly responsible for their welfare. This is because ultimately politicians know best how children should be brought up.
Until we enact the above programme, cases like Baby P will continue to happen.

I don't WANT that to be the case. But I do want to live in a society where people who aren't torturing and murdering their babies can bring them up without state interference. You can't have it both ways.


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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hear hear.

08 December, 2008 20:24

 
Blogger Shackleford Hurtmore said...

Number 10 sounds like something I read in Plato's Republic, so I think you've been beaten to that one by one or two thousands of years.

I think you could also have added a point about Tabloid newspapers being sole arbiters of what constitutes "good parenting".

08 December, 2008 20:27

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no. 9 no children have ever been abused in foster care?

that list would produce some seriously fucked up people.

08 December, 2008 20:58

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have left out - executing all old people - so nobody will remember how it used to be.
Burning all books about how it used to be.
The militarisation of children for their own good.

08 December, 2008 22:15

 
Blogger jerym said...

re.Sharon Shoesmith.
Pour encourager les autres?

08 December, 2008 22:24

 
Anonymous Ben said...

You are absolutely right, we can't have it both ways. It will continue to happen, and holding the state responsible is simply inviting the state to interfere in all our lives.


That said, she was fired because she was demonstrably useless, which is a perfectly good reason.

08 December, 2008 23:26

 
Blogger Auntie Jane said...

Good one... I like it. LOL

08 December, 2008 23:31

 
Anonymous TheBinarySurfer said...

WPC Bloggs. Careful what you put up here with tongue in cheek - judging by some of the idiot ideas coming out of good-old-Gordons mouth (police "dial-a-safe-route" for drinkers etc) he might well take you up on number 3.

Still, once the bathtub of workload is overflowing why not turn the taps to the stops eh!

09 December, 2008 00:26

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always though the following should also apply:-

1. To be allowed to be a parent you must attain at least 5 GCSE's at grade C or above. You have 18 years to attain this, if you fail your sterilised.
2. Anyone with 3 or more Criminal convictions should be sterilised.
3. Anyone who is convicted of 3 criminal offences or 1 serious category crime has all their children taken into care and is sterilised.
4. Anyone who is not in gainfull employment for more than 6 months is to be sterilised.
5. Anyone who spends any benefit money on alcohol, tobacco, or shite jewelry is to be sterilised.

Prior to sterilisation sperm/egg samples should be taken and anyone who wishes to have any children must apply to the police to obtain a worthiness certificate before being allowed to start an IVF program, which of course they must pay for themselves.

A bit radical I know but unless this is enforced we will all be out bred by Chavs within 100 years.

PC A.HUNN

09 December, 2008 01:18

 
Anonymous Brown Shirt said...

What about permitting only white, blue eyed, arian males to father children?

09 December, 2008 02:38

 
Anonymous Oi said...

Hang about there A Hunn!

I had to pay for my vasectomy! Is all this sterilisation going to be a chsrge on the State, or will the chavs have to stump up towards the cost?

09 December, 2008 02:54

 
Anonymous Dr Melvin T Gray said...

Vatican intervention is beckoned with anything more than a mock Charter, Ellie. Yet the Inquisition would concede that you can take the scriptures of 'going forth to multiply' too far.

Coercion is the key to birth control and good parenting. Force must be the last resort to impose itself over human dignity.

09 December, 2008 09:13

 
Anonymous some bloke said...

It is often said, probably correctly, that a large proportion of those children who are taken into care emerge as drug abusers, criminals and prostitutes who end up dying young in prison.

Does anyone have a breakdown of this comparing those who are ( were ) cared for by religeous/charitable foundations and those who are/were cared for by the state/local authorities ?

My unfounded suspicion is that those cared for by the latter come out much more damaged.

09 December, 2008 09:19

 
Blogger Hogday said...

As I read this I found myself humming "To Dream the Impossible Dream...." I've always subscribed to `look back and learn` but my experience of CP matters only goes back 35 years and it was all downhill. I wonder when we'll hit rock bottom and start to climb back out of this abyss?

09 December, 2008 09:22

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re Oi at 02.54.

A very valid point I shall have to ensure that the cost of the sterilisation is deducted from any benefits recieved.

I have also a few more to propose:-

6. Anyone naming their child after a type of grape, a brand of sports car, a brand of clothing or a popular music artist / soap star is to have their child removed and is to be permanently sterilised.
7. Anyone who is over heard saying to their child "COME 'ERE YA FRIGGIN LITTLE BASTARD". Can be arrested by any person and their children are all to be removed to care.
8. Any female who has more than 4 children to 3 fathers is to be sterilised permanently.
9. Any person who lists their occupation as "housewife" "househusband" or is not in gainfull employment who is found to be in night attire after 11am is to be permanently sterilied.
10. Any person who feeds their children crisps, pasties or blue pop for breakfast is to be sterilised.

PC A.HUNN

09 December, 2008 17:26

 
Blogger jerym said...

anonymous at 02.54
The punch line for 7. didnt come up on your post so i will put one of my favorites
Anyone who is overheard saying to their child----" if you dont stop doing that i will give you a slap" more than three times and not slapping the kid should get a serious slapping themselves.

09 December, 2008 19:47

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you hate it when they see a copper and say, "If you don't behave, he will take you away." My house and garden shed are full.

09 December, 2008 20:27

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about sterilising coppers for free.

Improve the gene pool

10 December, 2008 10:42

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

to anon at 10.42.

But who would be out looking for your little darlings when they go missing?. As you sit on your bum in front of the telly.

Who would you call when your nasty ex texts you bad words and makes you all upset?.

Who would you turn to at Christmas when you need to report your Giro stolen to obtain a crisis loan as you've spent your benefit money on fags, booze and drugs?.

Although your shining example of high brow whit may have my sides splitting, something in your remark tells me that "pool" may be too big a body of water that describes your genetic heritage.

I feel "puddle" may be best suited to you.

PC A.HUNN

10 December, 2008 12:38

 
Anonymous Mac said...

Back to the old Bloggsy! - making a serious point using plenty of sarcasm.
Anon @ 10.42,
What would all the pointless breeders and their feral kids do if the police et al stopped wiping their noses for them? When they'd finished fighting each other they'd just wither and die waiting for a giro that never came...
(Alright, I admit I've been watching Survivors!!!)

10 December, 2008 17:03

 
Anonymous Oi said...

P.C.A.H. & Mac
Trolls are best left unfed - they eventually wither and die.

10 December, 2008 21:01

 
Anonymous Wallach said...

argumentum ad hominem

always with the argumentum ad hominem

10 December, 2008 22:09

 
Anonymous Eli said...

... always the inappropriate Latin quote from the pseuds

10 December, 2008 22:40

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really hope you are joking with your list. I assume you are.

Theres just one problem I have. Whilst you are trying to make a point, you in a way are doing some people a disservice, e.g. single parents.

Whilst I don't really believe you think single parents having children are a bad idea, the fact you even put it out there as a joke is not a good idea because it reinforces the message that single parents cannot properly look after their children.

I was raised by my mother, raised incredibly well, work in a decent job, pay my taxes etc. It just annoys me that in the media we have this constant 'a single parent is a bad idea' when often its the single parents that do better jobs than households with more than one!

anyway, just my 2p.

11 December, 2008 17:45

 
Blogger The Tefl Tradesman said...

I've always been in favour of #6 - or at least a version of it. I honestly feel that all those people who are given a jail sentence, especially in the case of violent criminals, should be sterilised. Evidence backs me up on this, as the large majority of incarcerations happen to 'career criminals' who come from a long and ignoble line of scumbag families.

I can't see this programme of social eugenics getting off the ground, though - unless Gordon and his cool Spin Boy Crew get to work and invent a rather snappy title for it. Any offers forthcoming from the readers of this blog?

12 December, 2008 09:19

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Anon 17:45, the increasing absurdity of the list should have been a clue. If people's prejudices are reinforced by reading a post that is critical of them, then what hope is there for social satire?

12 December, 2008 16:21

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous 17,45

one good parent is far better than two bad ones!!

The problem with social policy is that it deals in broad assumptions and stereotypes

what would happen of we removed state intervention?

wait and see

14 December, 2008 20:39

 
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