This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Friday, July 11, 2008


For those of you who don't know, last September my book came out, "Diary of an On-Call Girl". I haven't really advertised it on this blog, apart from to provide links in my sidebar to reviews and commentary on it. Due to finally working out how to use my camera-phone, you can now also see a reproduction of its feature in the Mail on Sunday (just scroll down a bit), and yes that is a picture of yours truly: taken in a real studio in London and which represents the most bizarre couple of hours I've ever spent in police uniform!

A lot of you haven't read the book. This might be because you are a bloke, and didn't want to be seen on the bus with it. Or it might be because you are a girl, and didn't want to be seen on the bus with it. Or maybe you just don't take the bus, and you can't drive and read at the same time. If so, I am not responsible for these failings.

Either way, I do recommend it. And not just because I wrote it, and happen to think it's a good read. I recommend it because the more people know what it's like to be a police officer in the twenty-first century, the harder they'll lobby to get things changed. The more they know, the more they will understand why the guy who was identified breaking into their shed last week is still driving around without a shadow of a fear of a thought of retribution. The more people know about my job, the easier my job will be when I turn up in bemused response to their call and fail to do anything close to what they had hoped.

I also recommend it because it's funny, and a bit saucy (only a bit, sorry).
It's written as a novel, so you might not be aware you're reading non-fiction. No doubt this will make it easy for my bosses to dismiss it.

Over the next few weeks, I'll be posting some excerpts from the book, so you can make up your own mind if it's worth the £7.99 or less (not even an hour of overtime, people).

If you think it's all about the dosh, so far I haven't spent any of my takings on myself. Some has gone to the Police Roll of Honour Trust, which commemorates police officers who have died in the line of duty (no, it's not the one funded by the annoying guy off the TV, but similar). Some has gone to Rape Crisis, which provides information and support for rape victims. The rest will be donated to either one of these charities over the next year or so. I can't promise I'll always donate my proceeds to these charities, or to any - that will have to depend on my circumstances (and how much I make!). But I'll let my readers know if anything changes, so you know what you're paying for.

You can follow updates on the book, and others by the same publisher, at the Monday Books blog.

NB Apologies for the lack of irony in this post, and to those of you who clicked on the "annoying guy" link above and weren't prepared.

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.


OpenID inspectorgadget said...

Let me be the first to say.... well anything, as I am the first to comment. I have read the book and I found it very funny. All this, and I'm a bloke. I think the 'love interest' presents more questions than it answers (if that makes sense) and I felt the same as most police readers will when I thought "I bet she works at my nick". This takes the whole PC Copperfield issue to a new level and you can have a good laugh in the process. (Put the cheque in the post Bloggsy)

11 July, 2008 20:52

Blogger Jamie said...

Also a bloke, and the book is fantastic. Read it several times now, still always faintly amused by you dozing in the transit Bloggsy, and sneakily escaping the donut rule.

Not sure what it did to my desire to be a cop, but in an effort to remain completely positive, I shall digress on that score. My form is still in, so I guess your book isn't too sarcastic. Overall, really, really witty and funny, but at the same time, absolutely horrible. I read Copperfield's book before your's Bloggsy and so I was sort-of prepared, but your book is a lot more on a personal level, and really hit's home.

It's a fantastic read, I would recommend it to anyone except my police relatives. They got DC's book and I've never seen it back!

11 July, 2008 23:47

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would purchase a copy, but can't find one in my little town, I suppose I'll have to look harder!

12 July, 2008 15:04

Blogger MadMax said...


I bought it as soon as it came out. I've read it 3 times, so far! It is a very funny read. I could have sworn you were talking about my nick!

When's the sequel coming out? Did the love interest continue? We need more.....

12 July, 2008 15:30

Anonymous kendl said...

I bought the book and found it a great and at times very funny book. A couple of weeks ago I visited a large book shop in Cardiff and noticed your book in the 'erotica' section. Oh how I laughed ;)

13 July, 2008 14:49

Anonymous Northern Bobby said...

Read it bought it, loved it. Sadly now its gone the same way as Wasting Police Time. As in Someone off the shift borrowed it, and it went on from there. I believe they are in another division now somewhere....

13 July, 2008 15:59

Blogger PC Bloggs said...

kendl, which shop? I'll get my publisher to call and set them straight!

13 July, 2008 19:18

Blogger Unresponsive said...

Male, bought it, read it (at work) and loved it!

I can't believe how you find the ability to do your job in that environment - and I'm not talking about the city - I'm talking about the department.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear your descriptions were straight out of some old Monty Python skit. But, as I work in the hospital version of Blandmore, I know you speak the truth.

It gives me an all new respect for your profession - and even though I'm in the US and the officers over here don't have half the nightmare you have, I look at these guys and girls a bit differently now.

Thank the gods my copy of the book survived being lent out to a coworker and now resides on my bookshelf alongside Wasting Police Time, and Blood Sweat and Tea!


13 July, 2008 19:53

Anonymous XTP said...

Ellie - Are your sales not that great? Hope that's not the case, esp when you say where the £££'s are going. More power to you. My girlfriend (Job as well) and I read it on our hols last year and loved it, thanks!

P.S. Is the description of being a (W)PC yours or some Daily Mail copywriter?

13 July, 2008 22:36

Blogger PC Bloggs said...

"P.S. Is the description of being a (W)PC yours or some Daily Mail copywriter?"

If you mean the headline, it's from my Foreword.

14 July, 2008 15:07

Blogger Area Trace No Search said...

Bloggs, the link is here:

Your photo isn't there though!

14 July, 2008 16:06

Anonymous Anonymous said...

More appropriate title would surely be:

"Diary of a Nobody" ?

Because by your own admission, you are totally ineffectual.

14 July, 2008 22:34

Blogger Ex-RUC said...

I'm a bloke also - and waiting for the sequel!

14 July, 2008 23:45

Anonymous Kendl said...

It was Waterstones.

15 July, 2008 07:53

Anonymous John said...

"That annoying bloke off the TV" is a great supporter of the police. He was the one person driving the National Police Memorial in London. One night year's ago I was doing a stop on nights when a car pulled up and a voice asked "are you alright, can I help officer?" Yes this was that annoying guy off the TV!

15 July, 2008 15:21

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved your book Bloggsy. It's absolutely hilarious.

I think we should all put up a great review on Amazon - Copperfield has 99 reviews now and you are trailing behind with just nine! (They are really good reviews though).

You don't have to have bought Diary of an On-call Girl from Amazon to write a review about it either.

16 July, 2008 14:15

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