This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The R Word

The police take accusations of RACISM very seriously. Never more seriously than when the accusation is levelled at the police themselves. In fact, in Blandshire Constabulary we have several people whose sole job is to deal with complaints of racism.

Here is a quick guide as to what you can expect when you phone in your complaint that the cop who arrested you last night was RACIST:
  • An inspector round to your house to take a written complaint.
  • A Detective Inspector allocated to the investigation.
  • The DI will dig around and produce an assortment of police officers of varying ranks to be included in the investigation, whether or not they were the subject of your complaint. If possible, this selection will include a non-white officer, because they can be RACIST too.
  • Formal notices will go out to each officer concerned to let them know they are under investigation. Until this is resolved, they won't be able to transfer forces, so they can't escape retribution that way.
  • Evidence will be gathered to show that the officers are RACIST, preferably including records of previous cases where someone involved was not white.
  • Each officer will be interviewed formally and accused of RACISM. They will also be accused of UNWITTING RACISM.
  • Each officer will deny RACISM or UNWITTING RACISM.
  • The DI will personally update you of the results of the investigation. This will usually be that they have uncovered some mistakes and incompetence, but cannot prove any RACISM whatsoever. But they have a big pack of paper to prove that they took RACISM very seriously.
  • You will go away none-the-wiser, but feeling greatly encouraged that you have certainly upset a lot of people.
In case you are wondering how this differs from the process used to deal with incompetence, particularly among sergeants and above, here is that process:
  • Several people notice that a particular sergeant/inspector or above is particularly incompetent.
  • Their mistakes are discussed at great length.
  • A lot of people moan and bicker about them.
  • The sergeant/inspector is promoted.
  • Finally the sergeant/inspector does something so unbelievably stupid that somebody dies.
  • Another sergeant/inspector who had nothing to do with the incident resigns.
As you can see, our processes for dealing with both RACISM and INCOMPETENCE are highly robust.

I know that there are racist coppers. I haven't met any, or known I was meeting them. There are also numerous incompetent and lazy coppers. They don't hide it as well.

Either way, I can guarantee you that nothing taught to us in training, handed down to us by supervisors, or demonstrated to us in disciplinary proceedings, has any noticeable effect on any of it.

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in all good bookstores and online.

28 Comments:

Blogger uniform said...

I'm not racist; from time to time I ate every make ‘n model.

That Naomi Campbell (38 ), she recently suffered racism.

She said they called her a “Gollywog model “

Now I’m sorry but model…does the girl have mirrors in her house?

It was outrageous that BAA and BA chose to lose just her luggage.

When ever I’ve flown in the BA first class cabin (always insist on 1a, nose cones always survive a crash) my stylist carries my Giorgio Armani suit in her hand luggage.

Quite right about the Sgt /Insp thing. To criticize a promoted officer is to admit your own errors.

Can’t have that, can we?

25 June, 2008 12:13

 
Anonymous concerned said...

Uniform I don't like the overtly racist tones of your post.

PC Bloggs, by having it on your site do you endorse this behaviour?

25 June, 2008 16:45

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Concerned, if I'm going to endorse the views of all my commenters, why bother allow comments? At least it is on-topic.

25 June, 2008 17:53

 
Blogger uniform said...

Now I really fancy you..

soz, I know that's shallow .

25 June, 2008 21:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The race card gets pulled so often nowadays, I don't even try arguing against the accusation anymore. I stop someone pissing against a tree in the street - I'm racist. I nick a burglar climbing out a window - I'm a racist. I nick a drink driver after blowing red - I'm a racist. I nick 3 robbers pointed out by the victim - I'm a racist.

Most people on my team now shout bingo (and put both arms up in classic mock exclamation) and let the complainant know to the minute how long it took them to pull it from first being spoken to as we know it WILL happen regardless of the reason for the stop. Thanks MacPherson, nice to know I'm an accidental unwitting institutional racist.

25 June, 2008 23:29

 
Blogger blueknight said...

By the way.
1)NAOMI Campbell is facing the prospect of legal action from staff at British Airways - after accusing them of racism, after her conviction for assaulting two policemen.
2)The country's most senior Asian police officer has accused his own force of racial discrimination.
Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur is preparing a legal case against the Metropolitan Police.

25 June, 2008 23:56

 
Anonymous concerned said...

So, Uniform why do you call NC a Gollyw*g model?

26 June, 2008 00:55

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

concerned: you shouldn't be so concerned and read the news more. Naomi Campbell said someone on the plane, not a passenger, called her a "Gollywog model" when in fact it is more likely she's just a raving abusive, aggressive, spoilt loon playing the race card. Using the racist/race card is all the rage and in some cases works in shutting down any opposition.

26 June, 2008 01:24

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the Streatham-born beauty was removed from the playlist of Nelson Mandela's birthday concert on Friday, at the request of the man himself.

This was after she was seen wearing a 46664 baseball cap at the time of the incident on the aircraft.

46664 ,being his prison number.

26 June, 2008 06:47

 
Anonymous concerned said...

all these attitudes here seem pretty damned racist to me

26 June, 2008 08:10

 
Blogger Metcountymounty said...

really concerned? we're not just pissed off with being called a racist for taking exactly the same action with everyone but being accused of racist for it?? I have even been accused by white people of being racist because "I only nicked him because he was white and was trying not to be racist"

26 June, 2008 10:53

 
Anonymous big brother ,come to the diary room said...

Concerned troll

Watch your mouth, internet harassment is a crime and can lead to complaints, ip addresses located, warrants carried out, hard drives forensically examined.

See this case for what can happen to an internet cyber stalker.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article1917943.ece

Accusing by implication, people you know diddly squat about, of racism is quite different to knock about verbal sparing.

Normal rules of reporting a crime will apply.

You have been told!

26 June, 2008 12:06

 
Anonymous pcR said...

Can anyone explain the difference between being an idiot, and expressing views that are institutionally idiotic?

26 June, 2008 14:36

 
Anonymous Captain Corelli's Mandolin said...

Yes , you can

26 June, 2008 15:00

 
Anonymous concerned said...

Big Brother ...

(Yawn)

Save your bluff and bluster for someone who might be impressed by it.


However, you do seem to be very keen to be offended - why is that?


A smokescreen perhaps?

What is your take on the McPherson Report? Do you think Commissioner Ghaffur has a legitimate cause for complaint or not?

Metcounty, are you really that much on edge?

26 June, 2008 21:09

 
Anonymous whatgoesaround said...

There's a delicious irony in Met Commissioner Ian Blair being dragged before an industrial tribunal accused of racial discrimination. For some reason, the words 'petard' and 'hoist' spring to mind.

Short of converting to Islam and turning up at Scotland Yard in a Bob Marley T-shirt, no one could have done more to prostrate himself in front of the altar of diversity.

Most people think that's how he got the job in the first place. So it's no great surprise to discover that he's 'hurt' at finding himself facing these allegations.

'There's not a racist bone in Ian's body,' said one of his sympathisers.

Unfortunately, that's no longer any defence. According to the definition established by the Macpherson Inquiry, which Blair backed to the hilt as he greased his way up the promotion ladder, 'racism' doesn't have to be intentional. It doesn't even have to be real.

All that is required is for someone - not necessarily the 'victim' - to interpret an action as 'racist'.

Guilty as charged. Take him down. So he's on a hiding to nothing now that his Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur has decided to sue.

27 June, 2008 10:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the arrest on trumped up charges of Mark Daly, (the courageous undercover reporter who exposed the extent of racism in the Greater Manchester Police) we can see just how far the racists will go to protect themselves.

I hope Mark Daly obtained a great deal of cash compensation from the Chief Constable of Manchester for his unlawful arrest.

Fred

27 June, 2008 13:41

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

which racists are they ?

27 June, 2008 14:07

 
Blogger Metcountymounty said...

on edge about what?

27 June, 2008 16:01

 
Anonymous concerned said...

about being declared a racist

28 June, 2008 10:15

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

declared by whom ?

28 June, 2008 10:57

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The people in the undercover sting where three weeks from being civilians, they brought their attitudes with them from outside. Any policeman with those attitudes has learnt to keep them to himself.
Concerned; you are exactly the sort of person these posts refer to, pity you weren't about in the thirties, you would have been an excellent party member

28 June, 2008 16:14

 
Anonymous concerned said...

anaon 16:14 yo make no sense.

be explicit

29 June, 2008 10:50

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"you would have been an excellent party member"

Of the we can all see what your trying to do , party .

29 June, 2008 15:53

 
Blogger Metcountymounty said...

we get called racists practically everyday and virtually everytime we nick someone, so on edge? not really no. used to it unfortunately.

30 June, 2008 22:08

 
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