This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Don't worry, we'll protect you...

I love it when government ministers get involved in police investigations. Whereas police investigating Rhys Jones' murder would previously have had to rely on old-fashioned methods of evidence-gathering, now they have the genius tool of "anonymous tip-offs". Yet another idea no police officer could have dreamt up on their own, and a brand new Twenty-First Century concept to boot.

Buoyed by the input from Jacqui Smith, Liverpool police have gone a little bit too far. They are now promising to protect people who make witness statements against Rhys' killer. In case you're interested, here are some of the ways police can protect you if you make a statement in a highly-important case:
  • Nod very gravely at your concerns.
  • Get you to sign something saying you aren't safe.
  • Put a marked police car outside your house for a few hours.
  • Patrol past your house when they have a moment free.
  • "Flag" your address so any 999 calls you make get priority.
  • Install a camera at your house (at least one attempt should have been made on your life by now).
If you're still alive come the day of court, fear not: you will not have to face the killer in the dock. Your protection can now take the form of:
  • A PCSO to escort you from the train station to court.
  • Screens around the witness stand so the defendant can't see you.
  • Video and/or voice distortion of your evidence (we're talking Mafia-type cases now).
As you can see, you're safe as houses.

Of course, when the court breaks for lunch-time and the defendant is given bail to return for the afternoon session, it will be up to you to ensure that you don't bump into him at the local sandwich shop. We police can't be everywhere, you know.


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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Dray said...

"The Home Office said it is working on national guidelines to set standards for witness protection policies, but insists it is down to individual chief officers to implement their own procedures."

I wonder how that works then?

"Marked police car outside your house". Naw. I get that most days. 13:09 - 13:37. On the dot.

Spare bedroom? Endless supply of bacon butties? (scratch's head...). Oh, I geddit. "Get you to sign something".

Well, that's all right then.

29 August, 2007 13:22

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess the president of the Police Superintendents' Association, Ian Johnston, and Harry Fletcher, assistant general secretary of the National Association of Probation Officers, will both soon be out of a job for such spineless negative thinking.

Ex-Pat Alfie

29 August, 2007 14:47

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'police protection'

anyone who was watched TV shows about witness protection in the USA will be well p'd-off when their local villains get let out of nick coz the CPS has lost the evidence and forgotten to tell them when the trial is. Ooops, was that a body I saw fall out of that car in front of A and E?

29 August, 2007 15:07

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does the protection extend to cover what usually happens in these sots of cases? -

- the crims bunging some low-life PC a few quid to pass along all the witnesses details.

29 August, 2007 23:28

 
Anonymous roger and nearly out said...

anon 29 aug, 23:28 - you've been watching too much telly mate. just about the only thing keeping most coppers in the job these days is the pension... no-one except the very, very stupid is going to jeopardise that for a few quid. plus, weird as it may seem to you, most cops are actually honest people. it's why they joined the police, rather than became criminals.

30 August, 2007 07:34

 
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30 August, 2007 08:16

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So there are no dishonest coppers roger?

No cases whatsoever of PCs leaking information to the criminals?

Really?

30 August, 2007 10:33

 
Anonymous roger and nearly out said...

no - i didn't say there are none, i said only the very, very stupid will do it, for the reasons explained (and see notts police and the recent colin gunn case for two of them).
there are dishonest people in every walk of life, but there has to be something in it for them...
hypothetically, i'm the officer in a mugging case - am i going to give away witness details to the defendant? how much is the defendant going to pay me? can i trust the defendant not to get pissed and start bragging about it down the pub, or (more likely) offer me up as a sacrificial lamb next time he gets a tug for something?
will i risk my job, my pension and three years in the local nick for a few quid? not likely.
i honestrly believe that for most officers, this never even enters their heads anyway - they want scumbags banged up, end of story.
for the very few who might be tempted, there's nothing in it for them.
and the even fewer who are too stupid to realise this get weeded out and banged up themselves.

30 August, 2007 12:17

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So "roger" you dismiss the ideas of dishonest coppers ?

read the current lead story on this blog

coppers would have to be greedy stupid eh?.... well :)

Your hypothetical example shows the limit of your two dimensional and rather limited thought thinking .. but you STILL maintain there are no cases on public record of rather more shrewder and ambitious PCs than you obviously are being bought off by gangs for a few measly thousands


.. and you also honestly maintain that your average plod would not cover for his oafish fellows in the average skiving/ misdemenour / traffic offence/ appropriation of police resources and upwards? ..........like shit

30 August, 2007 22:29

 
Anonymous roger and nearly out said...

look, anon, you're obviously
a) stupid
b) blind or
c) carrying large chips on both shoulders (and probably all three of the above), so - listen carefully, i'll say this once more and then i'm out of here.

1) no, dummy, i didn't 'dismiss the ideas of dishonest coppers' (i assume you meant 'idea'), i said it was rare and explained why: most are not dishonest and, of the few who are, most are not stupid.

2) no, i didn't 'STILL maintain there are no cases on public record of rather more shrewder and ambitious PCs than [me] obviously are being bought off by gangs'. (more manglish, did you go to school?)
au contraire, i pointed out the recent notts police case against colin gunn, which saw two bent cops jailed.
you must have missed that, you crazy goofball, you.

the trouble with this country is we're breeding a nation of idiots, and you're one of them.

roger, out.

31 August, 2007 10:02

 
Anonymous roger and nearly out said...

ah bloggs
just spotted you're moderating... having wondered why my first post didn't appear, i then rather dufusly wrote it all out again. pls choose whichever you think makes my point best?
rog

31 August, 2007 10:03

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey rog , your posy of 10:02. So, it's as easy as "abc" mate?

You seem to be proof that here are three sorts of people in this world - those who can count and those who can't.

Donkey.

Amazonian tree monkeys seem to have mastery of mathematics that is beyond you mate.

...just when I thought hat the comedic value of you lot had plateaued off :)

31 August, 2007 16:48

 
Anonymous Vic said...

Witness protection? Discouragement.

03 September, 2007 08:19

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what is anon on about? it makes no sense. a wannabee intellect... without the intellect. ...

04 September, 2007 17:34

 
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