This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

It's genius...

There is nothing more inconvenient than having your bicycle stolen, so that when you return from your long train journey or shopping trip to go home, you have to walk or get a bus. I therefore roundly praise West Mercia Constabulary for their brand new initiative - pointed out to me by a reader - whereby shoppers and travellers will return to find their bike has not been stolen, but "confiscated" by police officers for being left unlocked.

Tomorrow I plan to launch a similar initiative in Blandmore. I will start by locating cars with property on display. The property will be removed with the use of police issue gloves and a glass-hammer.

From there I will lurk in dark parks and wait for lone females to walk past on their mobile phones. I will leap out in a mask, drag the female to the floor, hold a knife to her throat and take all her property.

I will then work my way uptown and select
the houses of people who have left their windows open. I will creep in through the window and remove their television, car-keys and car. In this way, the people of Blandmore will get a short, sharp shock to the realities of crime. It is just not acceptable, in this day and age, to "trust" people.

You will be pleased to hear that the people of Worcester "are not doing anything illegal" in leaving their bicycles unlocked. West Mercia Constabulary, however, will be:

s.12(5) Theft Act 1968 "a person who, without having the consent of the owner or other lawful authority, takes a pedal cycle for his own or another's use, or rides a pedal cycle knowing it to have been taken without such authority, shall on summary conviction be liable to a fine not exceeding fifty pounds."

Lawful authority = preventing someone else from taking it? I think not.

Bring on the first prosecution of a police officer for carrying out this new operation. We might struggle to prove "for his own or another's use", but I think it's worth a try.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

12 Comments:

Blogger BelfastPeeler said...

Taking and riding away then if not theft? lol

15 August, 2007 23:43

 
Blogger totallyun-pc said...

The brainchild of a child with no brain!

15 August, 2007 23:59

 
Blogger Charlie Lima said...

Madness! Obviously cops in worcester have nothing better to do than seizing, taking back to the nick and booking in 'found' pedal cycles.

16 August, 2007 11:33

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dear departed uncle would love this - he had a bee in his bonnet that pushbike frames were being packed with explosives by Al Q, bless him!

16 August, 2007 11:56

 
Anonymous rod said...

They will argue it was not taken for use. Much the same as their brain.

16 August, 2007 16:15

 
Anonymous rod said...

But then try that defence as a member of the public and see if you get away with it.

"Sir, I took it because it was unlocked but I didn't use it."

"£50, you scum thief."

16 August, 2007 16:22

 
Blogger Payasoru said...

We might struggle to prove "for his own or another's use", but I think it's worth a try.

Well you could argue that it assists those who compile the stats to record a significant fall in the number of bike thefts. Would that qualify as 'another's use'?

16 August, 2007 23:46

 
Blogger The Phantom Policeman said...

I like this. Surely dreamt up by an office dweller.

19 August, 2007 16:50

 
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