This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

The Four Blog Readers

Good afternoon, you are through to PC Bloggs' blog.  I'm sorry she can't be available right now, please select from one of the following options.
If you would like to hold a constructive debate about current political hot topics, including crime and criminal justice, press here.

If you would like to know the inside scoop on just how corrupt the police senior management is, press here.

If you would like to make sweeping statements about how useless the police are, and how many times you have been burgled, please press here.

If you are suffering from police harassment, have never done anything wrong and find that the police always take your ex's side, please try here.

If your enquiry relates to something else, please call back later: PC Bloggs will be back soon.

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

7 Comments:

Anonymous A Polis Man said...

first to wish you well on your hols!

08 June, 2011 20:26

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where is the none emergency number and the name of another person of the same rank or your supervisor who maybe able to assist with an urgent enquiry.

08 June, 2011 21:39

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon, you mean the DITS number (the phone number of whichever of your colleagues you are dropping in the proverbial while you can't answer).

First to be hoping you're on holiday (rather than something less plesant) and second to wish you a happy hols.

09 June, 2011 09:35

 
Anonymous Broken Briton said...

Help! There are multiple young people who wear hoodies within 200m of my home. The police won't do anything, no doubt because of political correctness something something I pay their wages something mutter something human rights something.

09 June, 2011 11:40

 
Anonymous anonymous said...

What number do I press if:

- I've broken a nail and it's like, SO, an emergency?
- I want a new phone, so I need to report this old one as stolen?
- I think the aliens are reading my mind?
- I'm drunk and skint and need a lift home?

09 June, 2011 15:00

 
Anonymous NottsSarge said...

"You may find the answer to your question on our website http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doublespeak "

If your enquiry is an emergency, please call 999.

If your enquiry isn't really a Police matter, please call 999 anyway, sound upset and someone will grade it as urgent, a Police Officer will attend and explain to you in person the various ways in which you might be able to sort your own bloody life out.

Happy hols Ellie!

09 June, 2011 23:11

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice photo of Mrs May. Did you take it? if not, where did you get it and whose copyright are you not even acknowledging?

20 June, 2011 21:14

 

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