Usama was buried at sea, for fear of his grave becoming a shrine. The drop zone was just off the coast of Fukushima.
There are those who believe he secretly survived, and that this photograph was faked by the White House.
Believe it or not, Blandmore is a hotbed of terrorist activity. Only the other day, a Chinese man was found taking photographs of Very Important House - the home of a celebrity unlucky enough to live within our police area. Within minutes of the report coming in, the Metropolitan Police had appeared from nowhere. It was the DPG, or RPG, or RGB, or something. Whatever they were, they turned up in a plain car, armed to the teeth, and knew about the incident before we did - probably via the CCTV they have installed on every country lane in Britain.
Being a serious terrorist incident, I was immediately dispatched to the scene to act as Bronze Commander. I don't think it's showing off to say that I did a superb job taking control. Indeed not one car hit the back of the unmarked DOG vehicle while I directed traffic so the Met could bundle the fanatic inside. Not one car actually passed our location at all, which only goes to show how effective my virtual cordon was.
At the time all this was going on, the only real threat posed to the residents of Blandmore was that of a royal stalker blowing himself up in front of The Crown public house. Now that bin Laden is dead, I can only imagine the carnage being dreamt up on the other side of the world, designed to wreak havoc in our town.
In fact, it has become quite difficult to go about our daily work without stumbling across a potential terrorist plot. Only this morning I saw a Muslim gentleman, pausing for a moment to lean on a litter bin with the hand not holding his walking stick. No doubt checking out suitable targets for his improvised explosives. At least, I am pretty sure he was Muslim: he had a beard. Or some sort of skin condition.
It is now imperative that the government release more funds to assist us in fighting terrorism on our streets. We also need to order some more of those red notices describing the risk level as Critical. Yes, it's that bad.
'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.