This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Ding Dong

 Usama was buried at sea, for fear of his grave becoming a shrine.  The drop zone was just off the coast of Fukushima.

There are those who believe he secretly survived, and that this photograph was faked by the White House.

Believe it or not, Blandmore is a hotbed of terrorist activity.  Only the other day, a Chinese man was found taking photographs of Very Important House - the home of a celebrity unlucky enough to live within our police area.  Within minutes of the report coming in, the Metropolitan Police had appeared from nowhere.  It was the DPG, or RPG, or RGB, or something.  Whatever they were, they turned up in a plain car, armed to the teeth, and knew about the incident before we did - probably via the CCTV they have installed on every country lane in Britain.

Being a serious terrorist incident, I was immediately dispatched to the scene to act as Bronze Commander.  I don't think it's showing off to say that I did a superb job taking control.  Indeed not one car hit the back of the unmarked DOG vehicle while I directed traffic so the Met could bundle the fanatic inside.  Not one car actually passed our location at all, which only goes to show how effective my virtual cordon was.

At the time all this was going on, the only real threat posed to the residents of Blandmore was that of a royal stalker blowing himself up in front of The Crown public house.  Now that bin Laden is dead, I can only imagine the carnage being dreamt up on the other side of the world, designed to wreak havoc in our town.

In fact, it has become quite difficult to go about our daily work without stumbling across a potential terrorist plot.  Only this morning I saw a Muslim gentleman, pausing for a moment to lean on a litter bin with the hand not holding his walking stick.  No doubt checking out suitable targets for his improvised explosives.  At least, I am pretty sure he was Muslim: he had a beard.  Or some sort of skin condition.

It is now imperative that the government release more funds to assist us in fighting terrorism on our streets.  We also need to order some more of those red notices describing the risk level as Critical.  Yes, it's that bad.

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.


Anonymous Not Long Now said...


I've given up playing the first game on Gadget's blog..... it's taken far too seriously there!

Your mention of running low on red notices reminds me of the joke about the French war effort being seriously hampered whem their white flag factory burns down..... LOL.

04 May, 2011 22:24

Blogger powdergirl said...

Funny : )

05 May, 2011 01:37

Blogger Kaela said...

Nice blog Ellie.

05 May, 2011 09:05

Anonymous NottsSarge said...

This reminds me very much of the flap there was here when some Asian males were reported apparently eyeing up some prominent local buildings. Suffice to say, they were architecture students and the prominent buildings were part of the university...

05 May, 2011 09:40

Anonymous Paul-UK said...

I see that those five who were arrested for taking photographs in the Sellafield area have been released without charge. And how did the news report the story? With pictures of Sellafield!

05 May, 2011 09:42

Blogger Hogdayafternoon said...

They're everywhere. I know, "I've seen them too. I'm scared to poo, in my own loo" (feel free to make up a lefty paranoia poem of your own using these gems).
I live in fear of being detained under the Nu Labour laws of being in possession of an offensive and un-cool mobile phone (with a camera but no sat-nav `app`). Nurse, the screens please.

05 May, 2011 13:56

Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's a good week to hide other news isnt it?
like S Harwood for example.

05 May, 2011 19:37

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erm...."Not Long Now", that old joke about the French white flag factory burning down does not seem to apply to the current situation in the world today. It was Nicolas Sarkozy who was driving the efforts to go and bomb the hell out of Gaddafi recently.

I would call that a classic bit of war mongering with not a "white flag" in sight! He got the U.K and the U.N dragged into the civil war in Libya. Old jokes are often a load of nonsense, methinks.....and also not very funny either.

The ulterior motive for the "humanitarian concern" about the situation in Libya, was the French (and the U.K) not wanting a load of inflation due to increased oil prices because of unrest in Libya and other oil producing states. PLUS, they didn't want a whole bunch of refugees landing in France, or the U.K, claiming benefits.

They thought that a quick war, to get rid of Gaddafi would avoid what they feared, and instead they just made the situation worse.

In this case, that old myth about the French white flag in times of trouble, would have been good idea.

Especially as it was the U.K who had previously supplied a lot of the arms to Gaddafi that he then turned on his own people, wrongly, it has to be said. There is no excuse for Gaddafi's regime slaughtering their own people just because they protested for a more democratic government.


And as for PC Harwood, I am sure that he would not have deliberately intended to end the life of Ian Tomlinson just by pushing him over. Harwood was rough with him, but no reasonable person could claim that Harwood actually had "murder" in his mind when he pushed the man over.

There was a lack of thought and consideration perhaps, in that it did not occur to Harwood that Ian Tomlinson might be vulnerable and not in good health and have a heart attack because of the stress of the incident.

Tragic results for all concerned can easily take place when people are too hasty and fail to realise their own strength, power and brutish actions. However, tough men are needed in the police force, to keep other tough men under control. But it does seem from press reports, that Tomlinson was not being aggressive that day.

People do make mistakes.

07 May, 2011 03:20


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